1. 'L!fe Happens'

( Handout photo / April 12, 2012 )

A movie you probably didn't know existed and should separate yourself from like your tongue's relationship with CTA handrails, "L!fe Happens" earns the double whammy of the year's worst title and worst movie. Co-written by star Krysten Ritter ("Don't Trust the B---- in Apt. 23"), "L!fe Happens" includes some of 2012's most selfish, dishonest, unappealing characters, a smug irritation with kids for, like, needing someone to take care of them, and a relationship that should have both halves of the couple running in the opposite direction. In this cornucopia of indefensible human beings, Lauren Conrad represents the height of sophistication and success and "sleaze-weasel" and "eye-gasm" are preferred words for characters who should not be permitted to speak without an adult--a real adult--present. There's not an honest bone in "L!fe Happens," which only defends its use of the term "douche-nozzle" because the film is such an excruciating douche-nozzle.

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