Whatever, we at Team Cal road-tripped around Central Florida to rate a sampling of courses.
We went. We played. We sweated and swore. And we pretty much stunk up the courses. But we did take notes.
The look: Behind a humble storefront in Festival Bay is a densely packed, 18-hole, glow-in-the-dark course. It's like living in a 3-D black-light poster.
The sound: Backstreet Boys and the ilk.
The skills: Although the balls and the psychedelic decor provide illumination, it's still too dark to pick up much about the slope of the holes. Basically, they're flat, and 17 of them are par 3.
The vibe: It's divided into a forest scene, an underwater look and a medieval theme, but we say it looks like SpongeBob on acid.
The extras: Buy a glow stick ($1) to keep up with your crew. Check out the souvenir shelves.
The bottom line: Being inside turns rain and heat into nonfactors, but miniature golf is best in the great outdoors. Still, it could be fun to throw a wear-white party here.
(The Putting Edge is in Festival Bay, 5250 International Drive, Orlando. The course is open until 8:30 p.m. daily. Cost is $8.50 adults, $7.50 youth, $6 children and seniors; after you're done, you can get another round for $4. Call 407-248-0700.)
The look: It's a two-course mound of mini golf built around a volcano and roaming dinosaurs. Although it's called Tiki Island, there's precious little Tiki to be found.
The sound: Bob Marley, steel drums.
The skills: The Volcano Voyage course includes steep inclines, some of which seem impossible in the six-stroke limit. There also are a lot of stairs on that side. The Tiki Falls course is flatter but also features more dinos than Tikis.
The vibe: The bright lights can be blinding; there are areas of disrepair (dripping caves, patchy concrete, burned-out ground lights); and balls freely jump the curbs.
The extras: Scoring a hole-in-one on the 19th hole earns you a free game and makes the volcano blow. And, boy, is it a hot one -- you can feel the glow even from fairly far off.
The bottom line: Its winding design separates you from the hustle of International Drive. You could feel on vacation here.