Agreeing to casual sex can threaten future prospects
Is it wrong to fool around with your boyfriend even though his parent married yours? (Pascal Le Segretain, Getty Images / March 20, 2012)
I still have very strong feelings for him, and I also have a strong feeling that we broke up because he wasn't ready for a serious relationship.
I was wondering if I should give up completely on the hope that we will get back together, or wait it out and see what happens.
A: I don't know how old you are, but you seem to think that time isn't passing you by, and that's a mistake.
Also, you could be wasting more than time — you also could be missing out on the opportunity to meet the perfect match for you.
As long as you are somewhat tied to this man, you are unavailable to all the other men in the world, psychologically and physically. Keep in mind, the urge to find sexual satisfaction is, in part, what drives all of us to find a partner, and you're satisfying that urge with someone you've already decided you're not fully compatible with.
You have to fully break off this relationship in order to find someone who wants you for more than just sex. You're satisfying his sexual needs without having your emotional needs met, and that's a big mistake.
Q: I'm 18. A couple of weeks ago, my mom and my boyfriend's dad got married.
Is it wrong to still "have fun" with him even though we are technically siblings?
A: Since you are not blood relatives, if you were to get married and have children, there would be absolutely no danger, so from a physical viewpoint, you can continue to see each other.
But if you were to have a bad breakup, then it could be a problem having to see each other all the time.
So, if the relationship is really a casual one and you don't think it is going to turn into a permanent one, then I would say you'd be better off breaking it off now. But if you have strong feelings for each other, then maybe you just have to risk the consequences of a potential breakup.
I would certainly say that you ought to talk about all the possibilities so that later on, if things don't work out, one of you can't hold what happened against the other.
Q: My wife and I have been together for three years, married for one, and we are bored with each other in bed.
We have read the Kama Sutra, we have gotten toys, we have tried everything.
Can you help us? We have run out of stuff to look up on the Internet, and it's starting to make us fight. We have fought so much that we are wanting to leave each other — so please, please help.
A: You are asking a question about your sex life, but it seems that the problem is not your sex life, but your relationship. And if you're bored in bed, I'll bet you're bored outside the bedroom, too.
You need to fix your entire relationship. That's assuming it can be fixed. Perhaps you're just incompatible.
But don't give up without making an attempt to repair your relationship. Once you do that, your sex life will improve, I guarantee it.
Q: I have been happily married for 13 years. My problem is that I don't have any feelings toward having sex with my husband; I just give in because he enjoys it so much.
Is there something wrong with me, physically or mentally? What can I or we do to change this?
A: First question: Do you have orgasms? If you never orgasm from having sex with your husband, why would you want to have sex with him? Second question: How is your relationship? You might rate it as good overall, but if there are some aspects of it that are bothering you, that could be enough to stop you from becoming aroused.
So while you're asking a simple enough question, finding the answer will not be so simple. If I were you, I'd go to see a counselor.
Talking this over with a professional, even only a couple of times, should help you to better understand why you have no desire for sex, and once you have that answer, you can begin to fix this situation.
"Dr. Ruth's Sex After 50" (Quill Driver Books) is Dr. Ruth Westheimer's latest book. Have a question for Dr. Ruth? Write to her at drruth.com.