‘Togethering’ suddenly is in, but let’s be realistic about the concept

TRAVEL agents have begun to call it “togethering.” It is never a good sign when a commercial group takes a perfectly good adverb, adjective or noun and turns it into a verb. I fear “togethering” is no different.

As far as I can gather, it is an attempt to brand the much-remarked-upon “trend in intergenerational family travel.” This is more marketing than fact: Families have always traveled -- just ask the Ingallses or the Joads -- and anyway, successful intergenerational family travel, in my experience, requires quite a bit of “separating.”

However, where a generation ago families were content with three weeks at the shore, today, middle-class families are looking for trips previously reserved for the very rich or the very European -- something more Henry James or E.M. Forster than John Cheever.

Armed with credit cards, frequent-flier miles, Expedia deals and philosophies dreamed up by Lonely Planet or Rick Steves, we want educational white-water rafting trips and bike tours through Italy and five-star safaris and golf resorts in Appalachia. We want to breakfast with princesses at Disneyland and dig for real dinosaurs in Montana.

And we want these trips to accommodate everyone from the teething 18-month-old to the less-than-spry octogenarian.

Hence “togethering.”

Suddenly, hotels are offering “children’s concierge services” and special family packages; cruise lines are playing down the elegance and playing up the kiddie scuba lessons. Spas and luxury hotels are offering “last hurrah” weekends (for expectant parents) and “baby’s first vacation” (complete with baby’s first hotel bathrobe), while tour services are frantically putting together family-friendly itineraries -- bike trips through Ireland suitable for 5-year-olds, villa hopping in Italy that includes nannies.

Some of these “unique services” are more marketing than innovation. A normal concierge, or at least a good one, will be able to tell you where Sea World is and will have a list of local events handy; most cruise ships have long had children’s centers -- how else are they going to get Mom and Dad into the on-board casino?

And some of the services are silly -- La Quinta Resort & Club’s idea of a “kiddie casita” involves the latest video games, the hottest CDs and a refrigerator stocked with “snacks and candies.” Yeah, that’s why I brought my kid on vacation -- so he could play video games and eat Skittles for lunch.

But others have glimmers of brilliance, like the emerging trend of restaurants that include children’s play areas -- the Mustang Grill in Santa Fe, N.M.; Old Wives’ Tales in Portland, Ore.; the Sea Queen in Los Cabos, Mexico. The Cliffs Resort in Pismo Beach recently had a spring break family retreat that included arts and crafts, sidewalk painting, organized volleyball and story time around a fire pit. Why the resort doesn’t offer these throughout the summer is a mystery to me.

Meanwhile, a new breed of travel consultants is emerging.

Amie O’Shaughnessy created Ciao Bambino almost two years ago as an answer to her own needs as a new parent. O’Shaughnessy discovered that she and her husband needed something more than warm and fuzzy amenities; they needed real advice on good vacation spots for young children.

On a recent trip, she evaluated Venice, Italy, from a toddler’s point of view and decided the most practical way to visit was with a backpack carrier. “There were plenty of Italian families with their strollers,” she says. “But I just didn’t see us doing that with all the steps and bridges.”

She puts together tailor-made trips to Italy, offering such services as preapproved family-friendly accommodations and baby-sitting referrals; been-there, done-that advice on sightseeing itineraries; and, where possible, equipment rentals.

“They might be able to find some of these things on the Internet,” she says, “but that takes forever, and it’s hard to tell about the suitability of a hotel or house from the Internet.”

O’Shaughnessy charges a $200 fee for consultations with a family (“I always talk to them over the phone,” she says. “I never leave it to e-mail.”), helping them find hotels and rental properties as well as giving them tour and general travel recommendations, some of which can be found on her website, www.ciaobambino.com.

“European travel is intimidating to parents of young children,” she says. “It shouldn’t be. What we do is give them some peace of mind.”

She has plans to expand into France and eventually Britain and Spain. Business is booming, she says, with clients from all over the world. “The needs are the same globally.”

She may be on the cutting edge of a new specialty for the travel industry: Parents who travel and give advice on the best ways to do it. Much of the travel advice out there is a bit banal -- how many times does a mother need to be told to pack snacks or gate-check the stroller?

Some family-friendly packages seem to be on the right track. Families need less spin and more actual help. Wouldn’t it be nice, for example, if you could rent a stroller at your destination airport or hotel as you do a car so you wouldn’t have to schlep it onto an airplane?

Speaking of rental cars, why don’t agencies make sure their employees know how to work the car seats they provide? That would be a giant step forward for family travel. (We spent half an hour in Vatican City trying to figure out one model before settling for another that was made, I am almost certain, out of Styrofoam.)

Travel agents who deal in rental properties for families also might try to find a service that would provide the first day’s groceries for arriving guests: After a transatlantic flight and a few hours in the car, the last thing you want to do is take your cranky kids to a restaurant or a grocery store. Recommendations for local baby sitters, as Ciao Bambino provides, would also be great.

As for hotels, the little kids’ backpacks are nice -- although most moms travel nowhere without crayons -- but what I want to know is why don’t hotels have lifeguards at their pools? This seems like a fairly inexpensive way of giving parents a break. Offer some swim classes and you’d ensure the adoration of several generations.

And I know I have said this before but I will say it again: The universal kid’s menu needs some serious overhaul. Ketchup is not a vegetable, and how many ways can you describe a chicken nugget? (We’ve begun ordering from the adult menu. This means either paying for food that will never be consumed or Mommy choosing her dish based on what the children will share. And you don’t get the cool cups with lids.)

There is -- and this also is a repeat observation -- a fortune to be made at airports. If we can’t have a play center, give us a real kid’s store. Some place where you can find all the things you suddenly realize you need -- Benadryl and diaper wipes, baby food and sippy cups, tweezers and bandages. I once scoured the Tom Bradley International Terminal at LAX for Anbesol, fully prepared to pay hundreds of dollars for a tiny tube of the oral pain reliever (because when a kid needs Anbesol, she really needs it). But it was nowhere to be found.

If travel agents were really serious about “togethering,” they would hire someone to put together the perfect family travel backpack, in air and land versions, and offer it to clients as a goodwill gesture. Because, as with any vacation, a primary ingredient of “togethering” is a little peace and quiet.