Richard M. Daley may have been an opponent of a Chicagocasino during his 22-year mayoral tenure, but now "Citizen Daley"not only seems in favor of a jackpot joint in the city limits, buthe may put a group together to apply for the license to run it!Even though he's already secured at least three new jobs in lessthan two weeks of unemployment, "Da ex-Mare" sees lots of $$ inthose blackjack tables and one-armed bandits. Daley believes he canuse his clout to get the license for the Chicago casino, which he'sthinking of calling "The Daley Double." My Richie rumor rats tellme Daley explained to his aides why he's suddenly so pro-casino,"I've always loved casinos. No, I really mean it. I love the neonlights, I love the jingling bells of the slot machines, I love thecheers from the craps tables. I may even deal a few hands of TexasHold 'Em." Also, 'The Daley Double' will have a great buffet, justlike in Vegas. I love those baby shrimp cocktails!" Daley seemsmore busy in three weeks of retirement than he was in 22 years asmayor...let it ride, Richie!
Arnold Taking Advice From Charlie?
With his personal life in tatters and his public persona takingmajor hits, it appears former muscle man ArnoldSchwarzenegger believes the best way to repair all the damageis the "Sheen way." My spies tell me "Ah-nold" has been meetingwith his advisors and plans to mount a live show similar to the onethat Charlie Sheen embarked on this Spring to rehabilitatehis image. Though Charlie's "Torpedo Of Truth" tour met with mixedreactions, Arnold believes he can make it work. He plans to go totheaters around the country with his "Arnold's Apocalyptic Apology"tour, during which Arnold with strip himself of all ego, apologizefor his martial missteps and plead for the audience's sympathy.According to a desperate Arnold, "Dee public steel loves me. I justhave to show them I am sorry and show I am a human being. I willtouch their hearts. Charlie went out there all cocky and arrogant,but I will be remorseful. America loves an underdog. Maybe I bringout my illegitimate son to show how proud I am of him. I vill beback!" Maybe his catch phrase should be..."Wincing."
The jury is still out on just how effective former Illinoisgovernor Rod Blagojevich and his rambling, twistingtestimony will be in the outcome of his conspiracy trial. Takingthe stand for more than five hours a few weeks ago, Blago waxedpoetic about his immigrant parents, his Little League career, hispersonal heroes, how he met his wife, Patti, hair care, and how heis able to spin a basketball on all five fingers. Curious courtwatchers say this marathon list of accomplishments and lifeexperiences may have been Blago's desperate, last-ditch effort tostay out of jail. But I've "over-Snerd" that Blago's "official"life story told in court may have included several "altered"versions in order to appeal to the jury's emotions and win their"votes." My court groupies found a secret first draft of hisprepared testimony that didn't make the court record. Here are someof the "real" life experiences Blago planned on telling the jurybefore his legal team made some strategic changes to histestimony...legal eagle or court jester? You vote...He was born onan Indian reservation
- His real last name is "Smith"
- His father was Chicago's "Monopoly" champion in 1954
- When he was 12, he once struck out Ron Santo in a game of fast pitch in a school yard
- He invented windshield wiper fluid when he was four
- His favorite band is Duran Duran (he changed it to Elvis Presley)
- His hero is TV's Charles Nelson Reilly (he changed it to Alexander Hamilton)
- He can hold six ping pong balls in his mouth (he changed this "skill" to spinning a basketball on his fingers)
- He met his wife Patti hitchhiking home from Kiddieland
- He's bald
Mortimer's Blackhawks Winning Streak Hits9!
While the entire city of Chicago and especially Blackhawk hockeyfans are in a frenzy over WGN Radio's Garry Meier amazing9-0 "winning streak" when he broadcasts his popular afternoon driveradio show at The United Center before Hawks' home games thisseason, Snerd believes it should be noted that HE also waspresent at all nine of those winning games! I sit right behindGarry during all the pre-game broadcasts, and have become theshow's official "remote mascot." Heck, people even take pictureswith me at the Hawks' games! Snerd has no problem giving Garry hisdue for the winning streak, but how about some props for the puppettoo?
It seems after all these years, Mick Jagger still can't getno satisfaction. My music mavens report that the latest wave torock the rocker's boat is the popularity of his fellow RollingStone Keith Richards' cameo appearances in the popular"Pirates Of The Caribbean" movies, including the new sequel that isalready a huge success. After Johnny Depp fashioned his"Captain Jack Sparrow" character on "Keef" and brought the raggedrogue into the awareness of a younger audience, Jagger has beenjealous and wants to have his own character to appeal to theyoungsters. I've "over-Snerd" that Jagger personally called "HarryPotter" writer J.K. Rowling to write him a role in theupcoming final installment of the "Potter" movie series that hitstheaters in July. Mick was hoping to hype his "badboy" image byplaying the father of the evil villain, Voldemort, but Rowling tooka pass because Mick has too much hair. A miffed Mick reportedly isnow hunting down Robert Downey Jr. to make a case forplaying Iron Man's daddy. Come on, Hollywood, show some sympathyfor this devil.
Not celebrating a birthday anymore: Former star of the 1978 iconicmusical film, "Grease," and TV's "Taxi, Jeff Conaway, 60;"Gunsmoke" TV star, James Arness, 88, and the assisted suicideadvocate known as "Dr. Death, Dr. Jack Kevorkian, 83; allbreathless.
Until next time, keep venting!Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times