SNERD - July 20, 2011

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Peek-A-Boo At Pioneer Court

The controversy surrounding the new 26-foot Marilyn Monroe statue in downtown Chicago's Pioneer Court is swirling through the streets of Chicago and the backrooms of City Hall...and it has more than just Marilyn's over-sized panties in a bunch. Woman's groups claim "The Seven Year Itch" statue is sexist, but it became the city's most popular attraction practically overnight. To quiet the protestors, City Hall is already contemplating other iconic Hollywood images that might give women a thrill, including a recreation of Richard Gere from "American Gigolo," Brad Pitt's butt shot from "Thelma & Louise," and maybe really going old school and recreating Burt Reynolds' '70s revealing photo spread from Cosmopolitan magazine. Although I'm hearing artist Seward Johnson is favoring Jane Fonda from "Barbarella," Bo Derek from "10," Sharon Stone from "Basic Instinct," or Elizabeth Taylor and her famous white slip from "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof." No one asked Snerd, but my choice would give both women and pop culture fans something to appreciate -- the famous naked rear view of local star Dennis Franz from TV's, "NYPD Blue."

Rahm's A Rocker!

If it isn't apparent that there's a new regime and attitude in Chicago's city hall, check this out. At the ultra-hip Pitchfork Music Festival, at Union Park last weekend, Our Town's rocking Mayor Rahm Emanuel was seen enjoying the sights and sounds of such alternative giants including Animal Collective, Neko Case, and TV On The Radio. I "over-Snerd" Rahm telling pals, "I LOVE Fleet Foxes!! This is awesome, I can't wait for Lollapalooza next month! Forget Cleveland, Chicago ROCKS!," as he pounded his fist in the air. Snerd thinks it's cool to finally have a mayor who knows the correct spelling of U2 is NOT "You Too." Rock on, Rahmer!

William's Wiggy Weekend

While all of LaLa Land was loopy during the recent California stop-over of England's newest royal couple, Prince William and Duchess Kate, my royal watchers tell me this trip wasn't all fun in the sun. Apparently, Kate demanded the two go to Hollywood to look into getting some new hair for the ever-balding King-to-be. After recently inspecting the photos from their extravagant April wedding, Kate decided William was showing more skin on the top of his head than was appropriate for young king and needed some follicle assistance. And where better to go than the land where reality is altered on a daily basis? In between all their official royal appearances in L.A., I'm told Wills and Kate met with many of Hollywood's top wigmasters who have supplied fake manes for some of the biggest stars in Hollywood. Kate seemed to prefer the towering rug style that Charlie Sheen sports, while William was leaning toward the more subtle Jeremy Piven piece.

Britney's Chicago Spending Spree

If local celebrity watchers were camped out at the trendy and high-ticket hot spots of our beloved Boul Mich hoping for a glimpse of pop music tart, Britney Spears, when she performed in Chicago recently, they chose the wrong location. Rather than hitting the pricey Gold Coast boutiques, Britney and her entourage were seen filling up more than ten red shopping carts at the Target in suburban Melrose Park. Dressed in shorts, a tank top, and flip-flops, the white-trash tramp went down every aisle at Target, getting giddy at all the great sale prices she was finding. "Do you know how much this skirt costs at Bloomingdale's? It's the same skirt! My momma didn't raise a fool. I might write a new song called, Extreme Couponer," she giggled to one of her assistants. As she left the emporium, Brits signed autographs for fans, including the credit card signature she left with the cashier for her sizable purchase. On her way out she also was heard saying, "Are there any 7-11 stores around here? I can really use a root beer Slurpee."

"Transformers" Back For More Destruction?

With the runaway success of the new "Transformers" summer blockbuster, my sources say plans are already in the works for a fourth installment in the robotic action series, and director Michael Bay was so pleased with his filming experience in Chicago, he's hoping to return to Our Town for more urban destruction. The only problem is, Bay's ravaging robots demolished most of Chicago in the current film. However, I've "over-Snerd" that town officials in Schaumburg are in the early stages of proposing Bay and his wrecking crew come out to the Northwest suburbs and ravage the Woodfield Mall. "We would be honored if the Transformers would come to our town and destroy our mall. We welcome Mr. Bay, and would support any efforts to have him blowing Woodfield to bits," said an anonymous Schaumburg spokesperson. Not to be outdone, I'm hearing the folks in Skokie are offering up the Old Orchard Shopping Center, and Aurora believes its expansive outlet mall would be a perfect Transformer target. Bombs away!

Snerdlings...
Not celebrating a birthday anymore: Former First Lady and the first celebrity re-habber, Betty Ford, 93; "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch" creator, Sherwood Schwartz, 94; both breathless.

Until next time, keep venting!

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