I've been writing this column for a good 3 or 4 months.There have been a great days and difficult days.I love pushing computer keys.Sometimes it tickles my fingertips.However, lately it hasn't been as easy for me.I feel like some of the passion is missing.Therefore, I am announcing my retirement.
Now before you throw yourself off a bridge in despair, know that I will be back in ten days.I'm just going on a vacation with my wife.However, don't be confused.I AM announcing my retirement.You see, I am retiring in the same way that Barbra Streisand, Cher and Brett Favre do it.It's a whole new type of retirement.The type where you don't graciously, elegantly or permanently go away.In fact, you hardly go away at all.In just a few weeks you'll be back.It is very similar to the weeds in your garden or a bad venereal disease.Just when you think they're gone...abracadabra...they're back!!!
So, fear not.I will be holding a press conference later today in which I hope to be able to cry like a big baby.I am hoping my tears will be bigger and better than the ones Mike Schmidt fired off during his retirement speech.In case you haven't seen it...here it is.My performance will be even more dramatic.
I will thank everyone for all that they have done for me.I will tell you how much I will miss you.
And then, I will see you in about two weeks.
That's How I See It.
Mr. KonradCopyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times