You have to give the “Final Destination” team credit. They've managed to convince somebody to make the same movie five different times.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved the first installment. Kid has vision of plane crashing, convinces friends to get off, it crashes, then death comes after them one by one, knocking them off in all kinds of interesting ways. It was fun, and somewhat unpredictable.
Watching that same movie for the fifth time is getting tiresome, even if you sit there marveling at how sick the minds of these filmmakers must be. I picture a bunch of men (sorry, ladies) sitting around the backroom of a strip mall bar with buckets full of beer. One by one they come up with insane ways to rip a body apart – acupuncture needles, gymnastics equipment, laser eye surgery machine thingy. You’d either hate or love to be caught in an elevator with these guys, where you land on that spectrum will determine how you feel about this movie.
At this point, they're no longer making much of an effort. The characters are all the same. They even LOOK the same. I started to wonder if they were some of the same actors, and how that could possibly work. Then I starting thinking about all of the errands I should have been running instead of watching this movie. BLOOD SPLATTER....there went that thought.
I guess “Final Destination 5” is a little bit different. Coroner Candyman tells the kids that they can cheat death by killing somebody else. Be careful who you decide to whack , though – you inherit their fate, so if they only have a few weeks left to live, you’ll be going through all of this again in a fortnight.
But really, if you were even thinking about seeing this movie, you don’t care about any of this. You want to see Splatterhouse Theater – heads, eyeballs, torsos exploding, oh my! You’ll get plenty of that, sound effect heavy sequences that will make you squirm. Cardboard characters will explode all over your 3D glasses. Saying anything else about the plot would spoil it for you.
If that’s something you live for, “Final Destination” day is probably your Christmas.
I’m over it.Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times