The Golden Globes, awarded by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, is also known as the "party of the year," probably thanks to a healthy dose of spirits. If you also happen to be indulging in drink and miss a moment of the show, not to worry. Zap2it is here to recap the highlights for your reading pleasure. (All times listed are Eastern)
5:03 p.m. - George Clooney presents the best supporting actress in a film award to Jennifer Hudson for "Dreamgirls." She gives a rather tearful acceptance speech, saying that it does a lot for her confidence and "makes me feel like a part of a community."
5:05 p.m. - Justin Timberlake (star of the 7th-ranked film at the box office this past weekend) makes a funny when he announces that Prince wins the award for the best song -- "The Song of the Heart" in that penguin movie "Happy Feet." After realizing that the Purple One isn't present, Timberlake crouches down and quips, "I'd like to accept this award on his behalf." You see, Prince is short.
5:11 p.m. - Oh lovely. Jack Nicholson's daughter Lorraine is this year's Miss Golden Globe.
5:12 p.m. - Adrian Grenier and Eva Longoria present Jeremy Irons the award for his supporting actor turn for the TV movie "Elizabeth I." In a long, flowing jacket and mandarin-collared shirt, he can't quite pull off the jokes like Timberlake, but he sounds charming regardless.
5:25 p.m. - Blah blah blah. Renee Zellweger says some nice stuff about the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. A bespectacled HFPA guy comes out and says more stuff while the stars politely try not to clink their silverware too loudly.
5:27 p.m. - Jessica Biel and Sean Combs present the best supporting TV actress award to Emily Blunt for "Gideon's Daughter," which is nice since we liked her in "The Devil Wears Prada," but knew she had no chance against Hudson.
5:31 p.m. - The cast of "Heroes" gathers, and Milo Ventimiglia says how honored they are to give up their time slot for this esteemed awards show -- not that that's a plug for the show or anything. The best TV actor, drama award goes to Hugh Laurie for "House." People everywhere are still shaken to hear him with his British accent, which he uses to great effect, discussing how with all the free things he's been offered such as "colonic irrigations," he wished he had a ready-made thank you speech by Dolce & Gabbana.
5:42 p.m. - Steve Carell points to Georges Melies' film "A Trip to the Moon" as the first example of film animation, which segues to the brand-new category for best animated feature film. Pixar's "Cars" wins, and John Lassiter gives a subdued speech, punctuated by a loud "Hooray!"
5:45 p.m. - Joaquin Phoenix presents the best actress in a comedy/musical film to Meryl Streep for "The Devil Wears Prada." People are loving it. She whips out a piece of paper to begin her speech, and when someone objects, she jokes, "Oh, shut up. It's not that long." But it is. It doesn't matter. Whatever she says, people love, and then she switches to Miranda Priestly mode to encourage moviewatchers to demand indie movies more theater play, claiming that you can get anyting if you "quietly, clearly and authoritatively demand it."
5:51 p.m. - A mesmerizing Target commercial plays, this time using a cover of the Beatles' "Hello, Goodbye" to highlight multiple gnomes and other items. These commercials must be the adult version of Baby Einsten because I can't look away.
5:55 p.m. - Ben Stiller gets the honor of presenting "one of the few clips you can show on TV" for "Borat: Cultural Learnings for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." Apparently, an incestuous smooch is all good. In the audience, a rather shy Sacha Baron Cohen sits next to fiancee Isla Fisher.
5:56 p.m. - "Elizabeth I" wins for best TV movie or miniseries.
6:08 p.m. - Bill Nighy wins for best actor in a miniseries or movie for "Gideon's Daughter." His paraphrased speech: "I used to think that awards were demeaning and divisive, but now that I've got one, I find them meaningful and real."
6:17 p.m. - Cameron Diaz introduces the clip for "The Departed."
6:20 p.m. - Peter Morgan wins for his screenplay of "The Queen." Apparently, he had a well rehearsed speech at the ready, but he gets the "wrap it up" single, gets flustered, apologizes and thanks his family before getting whisked off stage.
6:22 p.m. - While announcing the nominees for the best actor in a TV comedy, Tim Allen gives Tony Shalhoub a shout out for his role in "Galaxy Quest." That's the second time Shalhoub has been mentioned for a non-nominated role. The first time was when Lassiter mentioned the actor's turn as Luigi in "Cars." Nevertheless, Shalhoub doesn't win for "Monk," since Alec Baldwin wins for "30 Rock" instead (not "3rd Rock" as Allen had announced).
6:30 p.m. - It's a tight race for the best TV comedy, but in the end, newcomer "Ugly Betty" triumphs, causing a furor and much hugging before the gang makes it to the stage. Salma Hayek and America Ferrera are so cute how happy they are. The Globes cameraman searches for someone Latin in the audience for a happy reaction shot, finally landing on J.Lo.
6:34 p.m. - Jamie Foxx introduces the "Dreamgirls" clip.
6:36 p.m. - Djimon Hounsou and Sharon Stone present the best foreign language film award to Clint Eastwood's "Letters From Iwo Jima." Eastwood, who is wearing all black except for a teeny weeny white bow tie, quips, "You don't know what this does for my confidence," referrng to Hudson's speech earlier. He tries to hand the thank you reins to Steven Spielberg, who silently denies him.
6:45 p.m. - Irons introduces the clip for "The Queen." Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore introduce the nominees for best original score, but before that, we get a look at Prince (not wearing purple), who finally arrived after being stuck in traffic. That darn 405 will get you every time. Oh yeah, and Alexandre Desplat won for his score for "The Painted Veil."
6:50 p.m. - "Ugly Betty's" America Ferrera can't belive it when she wins for best actress in a comedy. She's holding the tears in as she approaches the stage (and so is her pal Salma). "I'm such a mess right now," she apologizes. "I'm still getting over the shock of winning the first award." She eventually pulls it together, mentioning how she's heard from little girls who feel worthy and lovable after watching the show.
6:53 p.m. - Maria Menounos is lying in wait for Ferrera to get her first comments after the win. The talk show personality flubs it a little when she asks, "What do you say to all those people who did not want you to play the part?" Naturally, Ferrera is taken aback until she understands what Menounos really meant to say. Apparently, Hayek was one of the people who wanted Ferrera cast and saw "just how ugly I was before everybody else did."
6:55 p.m. - Another Target commercial, not quite as hypnotic this time, highlighted by the song "Shape of Things to Come."
6:59 p.m. - "What balls this man has": That's the only part of Tom Hanks' tribute speech to Warren Beatty that most people will remember. By balls, he means "artistic vision and fortitude." After a film retrospective, Hanks asks for a show of hands from both men and women whom Beatty allegedly romanced.
"It's not easy being humble when you're married to Annette Bening ... but I'm going to try," says Beatty, kicking off his thank you speech. He goes on to chide his contemporaries Eastwood and Nicholson for setting the bar too high this year, laments why people can't just do what he says (he asked Arnold Schwartzenegger to be a Democrat) and surprises the younger folks by making a half-hearted effort to impersonate Borat: "Wee wah. I am from Kazakhstan, yeah." What balls.
7:21 p.m. - Before Dustin Hoffman introduces "Little Miss Sunshine," he points out to Beatty that in his film montage, the notoriously bad "Ishtar" was only on the screen for 0.5 seconds. Then he threatens the HFPA with "Ishtar 2" next year.
7:23 p.m. - Spielberg presents the best film director globe to Martin Scorsese.
7:28 p.m. - Reese Witherspoon presents the best film actor (comedy) to Sacha Baron Cohen, whom everyone anxiously watches and wonders, "Will he be funny or boring?" After all, he's not in his "Borat" mustache and bad suit. Thankfully, he doesn't disappoint. After schooling Beatty on how to say, "Wah wah wee wah," Baron Cohen launches into what will probably be the grossest, most roundabout acceptance speech of the night.
He refers to how in the film, he saw America's dark and ugly side: "the anus and testicles of my co-star, Ken Davitian." Here's a paraphrasing of that lovely speech: "Ken, when I was in that scene and I stared down on your two wrinkled golden globes resting on my chin, I thought to myself, 'I better win a bloody award for this.' As he sat his 300 pounds on my face, squeezing the oxygen out of my lungs, I was faced with a choice: to die or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in between his buttocks for 30 years. Kenneth, if not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today."
After a few real thanks, Baron Cohen adds, "Thank you to every American who has not sued me so far."
7:36 p.m. - Clip of "Thank You for Smoking."
7:37 p.m. - The best comedy/musical film goes to "Dreamgirls." Kinda anticlimactic after Baron Cohen's brilliant speech.
7:43 p.m. - Oh, how McDreamy. "Grey's Anatomy" wins for the best TV drama. "Seriously? Seriously," says creator Shonda Rhimes.
7:45 p.m. - Her Majesty Helen Mirren ascends again for the best dramatic film actress for "The Queen." She gives props to the real queen for the great role.
7:53 p.m. - It's a regal night. Forest Whitaker beats out the combined power of two Leonardo DiCaprios to win the best dramatic actor in a motion picture award for "The Last King of Scotland." He's really overcome and gets lost in the labyrinthine workings of the acceptance speech several times.
8:00 p.m. - Arnold "The Governator" Schwarzenegger enters on crutches form his skiing/standing accident to present the winner of best picture (drama) to "Babel." Before director Inarritu takes the stage, we get a glimpse of "Babel" actress Rinko Kikuchi's funky pink dress that features black shoulder bows and suspended puff balls. Inarritu, fortified by tequila shots, is remarkably coherent and also gives a shout out to his fellow Mexican directors Guillermo del Toro ("Pan's Labyrinth") and Alfonso Cuaron ("Children of Men").
8:04 p.m. - The Govenator has to have the last word, "Don't forget next year 'we'll be back.'"
And thus ends the first of many award shows for the year, but probably the only one to make reference to rancid buttocks bubbles.