Nothing makes a mother more proud than seeing her son or daughter getting the architectural drawings of the local correctional institution tattooed on his or her nether regions. That's kinda what the guy on "Prison Break" did, and if he had gotten his tats - that's what the kids call 'em, tats - done by the artists featured on A&E Network's "Inked," he'd have broken out of the joint by now.
Nevertheless, tattoos are currently so hot we're inclined to forsake our usual Botox party in favor of convincing you to invite all of your suburban professional friends over for a night of celebrating the modification of the dermis - via a pigment-infused liquid substance - into the image of a hula dancer who looks suspiciously like your high-school guidance counselor.
Program note: this party also works for The Learning Channel's Miami Ink," even though the two shows are so different it's not even funny.
Setting the scene:The first tattoo parlor set inside a glamorous Las Vegas casino - the Palms Casino Resort - Hart & Huntington Tattoo Company, co-owned by freestyle motocross champion Carey Hart - is a real fish out of water. It takes serious effort to be glitzy without losing the grimy look that keeps tattoo parlors seeming so dangerous. Think motorcycle shop and day spa mixed together. Wrap your living room walls in cellophane, then print out and hang poster-sized images of a skull and crossbones or "I Love Mom" in a nice pink font - we're partial to Times New Roman. Hire an airbrush artist to ink up some T-shirts for guests during commercial breaks.
Attire:A true rebel walks into a tattoo parlor and says, "Give me whatever you've got on special." But the chances of you inviting any rebels to this shindig seem pretty slim, so tell guests about tattoofun.com and remind them that a stick-on Tweety on their ankle does not afford them street cred. The host and hostess should always be wearing surgical gloves - let's remember the safety aspect here, people.
Other nice touches: wrap a handkerchief - tat artists prefer the word bandanna, but whatever - around your head like a skullcap, then add a loosely-fitted trucker's cap, stylishly tipped to one side. You'll be dope - ish.
On the menu:Calamari. Get it? 'Cuz squid has ink.
On the hi-fi:"Permanent Reminder of a Temporary Feeling" by Jimmy Buffett; the "Fantasy Island" theme (available on the All-Time Top 100 TV Themes Original TV Soundtrack) - think about it; "Tattoos & Scars" by Montgomery Gentry; "Tattoo Me Now" by the Bobs; "Ink a Dink a Doo" by Jimmy Durante; anything by T.A.T.U. or off the Rolling Stones' "Tattoo You."
The showstopper:A night in a party floor suite at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas will set you back between $5,000 and $25,000 depending on your pleasure - the Hardwood Suite is 10,000 square feet and features half-court basketball, adjacent professional locker rooms, scoreboard, full bar with lounge and a dance floor. A visit to Hart & Huntington Tattoo Company is free, but the tattoo - we recommend a rendering of Mickey Rourke giving birth to Herve Villechaize in a bunny suit - will cost you your tax refund and the love of your parents. A bottle of Cristal from ghostbar will help stiffen your resolve.