It occurred to me this week that Kellie Pickler is like President Logan.
Stay with me here ... this analogy is going to work.
For over a year, we believed the daft President was an indecisive nincompoop only to recently discover that he's really the evil mastermind giving Jack Bauer the fifth longest day of his life on "24." Last week, when Kellie Pickler claimed in her effervescent twang that she didn't know what the phrase "on paper" meant, I had this immediate image of her backstage explaining quantum physics to Constantine, discussing her degree from Harvard in the King's English, and translating Ryan Seacrest's banter into five different languages.
Just think about it for a minute.
Pickler may giggle all the way to an "Idol" victory. Also as a side note, is Katherine McPhee (who I still think is terrific) the worst dressed Idol ever?
Other things on my mind:
How many life-changing events will happen on "Will & Grace"? Grace is pregnant. Will's father died. And Jack is growing up? Thank goodness Karen is still a lush. I always get nervous when a show starts racing with abandon towards its series finale. Not everything has to be wrapped up in a neat little bow. As a viewer, I prefer to think of them as they always have been, living out the rest of their fictional lives in ignorant TV bliss. Please reference "Everybody Loves Raymond" for the perfect example of how to end a series with the right mix of grace and hilarity.
Love in the "ER": OK, work with me here. Does anyone else think the Neela/Ray "we must fight our mutual and undeniable attraction" came out of nowhere? Maybe I thought about it a couple of seasons ago when they first became roommates (because everyone on that show falls in love with someone in the opening credits), but now I don't see it. Just because Neela says things like "we both know why I have to move out" or Ray brings home her favorite pizza, doesn't mean I'm going to pick up what the show puts down. But things may get mighty interesting when John Stamos checks in next season.
Is "Lost" lost? I must confess I'm one of those "Lost" viewers who prefers to go with the flow. I delight in the intricate and delicately told back stories (last week I think I exclaimed "I love Bernard" at least three times), savor the show's sly dialogue (loved Sawyer's referring to Bernard as "Norma Rae"), and relish in being completely creeped out (anyone who watched "The Practice" knew there was no way Henry Gale could be innocent). I've even enjoyed kind of loathing Ana Lucia. Yes, I'm completely curious about what's the deal with the island, the Others and the Dharma Initiative. But it's not the main reason I love the show. Is the island a figment of Hurley's imagination? Dude, that would be a letdown. This device worked as the final moment of "St. Elsewhere," but I don't think it would work on a show like this. Why were Locke and Rose miraculously healed (and how come Rose was the only one who saw Locke in his wheelchair)? Is this all a big experiment put on by the Dharma Community Players? I'm actually okay not knowing. But I don't want the show to get, well, lost in its own mythology a la "The X-Files." I remain confident that the producers and writers know what they're doing, but like they used to say on "NYPD Blue," I wanted to get out in front of this problem.
What's on your mind on TV lately? Talk about it on the TV Gal message board.
Quotes of the Week
"Thanks boss." Josh to a picture of Leo on "The West Wing." Dori was the first to submit this very poignant quote.
"Are you kidding? If you really want the details, I'll write you a report." Chloe coming out of the bathroom when Miles asks her what she was doing on "24." Thanks to Stephen and Kate for the quote.
"Were you watching 'House of Wax' again? You know that Hilton girl scares you." Keith to Veronica when she said she was having a nightmare. Thanks to Danielle for the quote.
"I think I liked you better when you just hit people with your stick." Bernard to Mr. Echo on "Lost." Thanks to Cindi and Jem for the quote.
"Oh Perry. You're so edgy and cantankerous. You're like 'House' without the limp." Dr. Kelso to Dr. Cox on "Scrubs."
"Taylor, are you drunk?" Simon to Taylor on "American Idol." Thanks to Jeff for the quote.
Where Have I Seen Them Before?
So we were all very excited to see Alexis Denisof, Wesley on both "Buffy" and "Angel" (not to mention Alyson Hannigan's husband), as Robin's smarmy co-anchor on "How I Met Your Mother." And don't forget: Denisof and Amy Acker (Fred on "Angel") will be on the season finale of "How I Met Your Mother."
Dan was the first to catch Laura Allen, Lily on "The 4400" and Laura on "All My Children," was the mother of the sick boy on "House." Mackenzie Astin, last seen as Kate's childhood sweetheart Tom on "Lost" and Warren on "First Years," was the boy's father. And he's the brother of Sean Astin, who recently died on "24" (RIP Lynn).
Mariah and Sara were the first to spot Wayne Pygram, the healer Rose went to see in Australia on "Lost," was Scorpius on "Farscape."
Brooke Nevin, Nikki on "The 4400," was Ellie, the 18-year-old girl who wanted to have a mastectomy on "Everwood."
Highlights of the Week Ahead
All times listed are Eastern Standard Time for April 17 to 23
If you're like completely evil and doing the vice president's sinister bidding, wouldn't you have an unlisted number and address? This week on "Prison Break" (Monday, FOX, 8 p.m.), Michael tries to get Haywire to remember his tattoo.
I'd like to give a big TV Gal shout out to Sean Callery, who composes the music on "24" (Monday, FOX, 9 p.m.) Because I'm loving the new up tempo vibe of the score of the show lately. Definitely ups the stress level.
Joan's cousin dates a player for the San Diego Sabers on "Girlfriends" (Monday, UPN, 9 p.m.). If that sounds like a set up for a potential spin-off, that's because "The Game" is jockeying for a place on the new CW's line-up next fall. Get in line, honey.
So far, I've only seen the pilot but there's something quite charming about "What About Brian" (Monday, ABC, 10 p.m.). And I simply love Sarah Lancaster, who plays Marjorie. There's something innately likable about her (remember I even loved her when she was the college student having the affair with under age Ephram on "Everwood.")
You know what? I'll tell you what dude. It's just all right for me, man. Randy has simply got to get an opinion on "American Idol" (Tuesday, FOX, 8 p.m.)
So, I definitely hit on a sensitive subject with my rant about "Gilmore Girls" (Tuesday, WB, 8 p.m.) last week. Remember I only complain because I care (seriously you don't see me trying to make "One Tree Hill" better do you?) And many of you correctly pointed out that it's quite realistic that Rory would fall for Logan and that couples like Luke and Lorelai grow apart all the time. I agree and I really liked it last week when Rory told Jess that she was in love with Logan and when Emily told her daughter to get involved in April's life. I think my problem is that the Rory-and-Logan romance has been going on for too long without change. That may happen in real life but it can make for boring and repetitive TV. I need Rory to wake up and smell the dysfunctional relationship. But fret not, I still love my Girls. On a side note, with Logan on "Gilmore Girls" and Logan on "Veronica Mars," I really need to know if anyone out there is named Logan or knows someone named Logan. Thank you for your cooperation.
VH-1 will air the five never before seen episodes of "Love Monkey," which only lasted three episodes on CBS, beginning Tuesday at 9 p.m. on VH1. Corporate synergy. It's a good thing.
After a pregnant pause, Sydney and the gang return for more butt-kicking action in "Alias" (Wednesday, ABC, 8 p.m.). Alas, ABC did not send the episode out for review but I promise to process the episode next week. For who you'll see and what you can expect as Sydney ends her five year run, read my spoiler section below.
To the TV Gal Reader Belongs the Spoils
You know the rules. Don't read if you don't want to know.
Greg Grunberg returns as Agent Weiss in the two-hour return of "Alias.". As we head towards the series finale you'll also see Lena Olin (Spy Mommy), David Anders (the deliciously evil Sark) and Gina Torres (Anna Espinosa). Will (Bradley Cooper) comes back into the picture when he's kidnapped and Sydney must rescue him. And I don't care how many times they've killed her, I'm still holding out hope we'll see Francie (or Faux Francie, I'll take either).
Annie will finally find out that Matt and Sarah eloped before their big wedding on "7th Heaven."
Michael and Sara will lock lips on "Prison Break". and it seems like the good doctor will have to be let in on the plan. Also a familiar face will soon be back at Fox River. A familiar face who we've seen in quite a few commercials lately.
The season finale of "Crossing Jordan" will be a doozie. Jordan will wake up with a gun in her hand and ex-boyfriend J.D. lying dead next to her. Don't you hate it when that happens?
If you haven't been tuning into the final season of "That '70s Show," you might want to now. It seems they are planning on putting Fez and Jackie together.
Bobby Cannavale (Vince) will return for the funeral of Will's father on "Will & Grace."
Sam's ex-husband Steve (who will still be played by Garret Dillahunt) will make his way to the "ER."
We love Bright on "Everwood," right? Well, let me say that we might not love him so much as he continues to struggle with the fact that he and Hannah are not sleeping together. Meanwhile, Nina proposes to Jake.
You know how that Life and Death Brigade stunt Logan was planning sounded dangerous on "Gilmore Girls"? Well, it was.
I'm hearing Michael will have a lot to do with the "Lost" season finale.
That's all for today. I'll be back next week with my thoughts on "Alias," "The Sopranos," "Everwood," "How I Met Your Mother," "Without a Trace," May sweeps and much, much more. Have a question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at email@example.com.