Late Night: Stephen Colbert: Honor 9/11 with ‘useless crap’


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On his show Monday, Stephen Colbert devoted a segment to the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. ‘Have we as a nation recovered?’ he wondered. The answer, according to Colbert, is a definitive ‘yes.’ The proof is in the product.

‘I wasn’t sure until I saw all this great 9/11 commemorative stuff you can buy,’ he said, rattling off a list of inexpensive trinkets designed to memorialize and/or cash in on the country’s collective grief: 9/11 sneakers, a 9/11 cribbage board, 9/11 dog collars.


‘These terrorists attacked us because they hated our way of life. And what typifies our way of life more than selling each other useless crap made in China?’ Colbert quipped. ‘If we can exploit this anniversary of their attack to make a quick buck, we win.’

Though he expressed admiration for a 9/11 kids’ coloring book and the ‘9/11 Remembrance Roll’ offered by an Arizona sushi restaurant, Colbert’s favorite ‘shopping griefportunity’ was the 9/11 Memorial wine produced by a Long Island winery.

‘9/11 wine this is perfect for when you’re drinking to never forget. You’ll wake up the next morning saying, ‘My God, how much did I remember last night?’’ he joked.

In case you were wondering, the wine doesn’t cost $9.11, because, as Colbert pointed out, ‘That would be crass.’ It costs $19.11.

Never one to be outdone, Colbert introduced his own 9/11-themed merchandise: The Limited Edition Never Forget 9/11 Eye-Poking Stick. ‘Some of the proceeds will go somewhere,’ he reassured viewers.

Well, in that case...

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--Meredith Blake