The Days of Whine, Not Roses

Quarterback Bret Johnson is leaving the UCLA football program because of this unique ability he has.

He reads coaches’ minds.

“I believe there was a predetermination that Bret Johnson would not start at quarterback no matter what,” said Bret Johnson.

Who also said:

“I believe I am part of the fallout from last season.”

And went on to say:

“The quarterback has been fired. I feel strongly now that this decision was known months ago.”

Boy, if Johnson could read defenses the way he reads between the lines, he’d be a first-team All-American.

The quarterback of last season’s 3-7-1 football team cannot imagine why UCLA might be eager to try somebody else.

Terry Donahue, head coach for 14 years, and offensive coordinator Homer Smith, a football coach since 1958, actually had the nerve to demote Bret Johnson without getting his approval. No wonder he split.

Evidently, when Bret was the bravest bull at El Toro High, he made it clear to anybody recruiting him that he was not going to play football for them unless they checked everything with him first.

Johnson is offended, even outraged, because the UCLA coaches gave away his job to Jim (License to Kill) Bonds without even running any full-pad scrimmages.

“I have absolutely no problem with being a backup quarterback,” Johnson explained, “but only if I were fairly beaten out by another guy.”

Yeah. What a dirty trick, giving his three-victory squad to some other guy who didn’t even outplay him in a scrimmage.

“In my opinion, there has been no justifiable reason in the selection of the quarterback at UCLA,” Johnson continued.

And let’s never forget that college football coaches should always justify their decisions to players as opinionated and experienced as Bret Johnson, whose career dates nearly a 50th of a century.

Good to know, isn’t it, that Bret chose the University of California at Los Angeles for its fine, quality education and for the chance to play football with a swell bunch of guys.

He is free to go, and go he shall, because he only wants to play with UCLA’s other players if they let him start.

In his declaration of independence after bolting camp--Johnson might be the first collegian ever to fax his decision to drop out--the quarterback said he intends to go someplace else because he does not want to “be involved in a quarterback controversy every year, as is the standard at UCLA.”

In other words, all you other coaches out there thinking about throwing Johnson a scholarship, remember to do so only if you promise not to have a quarterback controversy during his remaining years on campus.

If you bench him, you lose him. If you consider playing somebody else, you had better have a mighty good reason. At least make sure you have had a proper scrimmage. Otherwise, you might get sued for breach of promise.

Oh, and don’t try to pull anything cute, because remember, he knows what you are thinking.

At El Toro, Bret Johnson was one of the best prep quarterbacks anywhere. In his sophomore year at UCLA, he beat out Jim (From Valencia With Love) Bonds fair and square.

Did Bonds up and quit?

Did he tell Terry Donahue to get a second opinion?

Did he nudge Donahue on the sideline during losses to Arizona, Oregon State, Washington, Stanford and Oregon and say: “Seen enough of this dude, Coach?”

Did he fax in his RSVP that he wouldn’t be coming to next season’s party?

No, Jim (Live and Let Play) Bonds checked into seven of the 11 Bruin games, chucked a touchdown pass in one of them, threw four interceptions in another, came to practice and kept his mouth shut.

This year, Bret Johnson was told after spring practice that the first-string quarterback position had not yet been decided. During the fourth week of August, the position was decided. Where’s the beef? The coaches told Johnson they’d decide, and they decided. Same way they did last year.

The telepathic Johnson picked up other signals through his magic helmet.

They knew in their hearts that he wouldn’t start, so they jerked him around.

That’s why he is rolling out to his left, down Westwood Boulevard and up Wilshire to the 405. Because Johnson wants to go someplace that is “free of any pre-bias against me.”

The only pre-bias UCLA’s coaches had against him was three victories in 11 games.

“I would now like to go to a school that has stability and could benefit from my style of play,” Johnson said.

Too bad more nursery schools don’t need quarterbacks.