'Snooki and JWOWW' recap season 1 episode 5, 'Sober, party of one'

I smell something. Could it be a ... party pooper?

In this episode, we get to see the former roommates' reactions to the mini meatball news, and the girls throw a party where Snooki gets upset about being the only sober one at the housewarming of drunken family and friends.

In the opening scene, we finally get to the long-awaited "I'm pregnant" cake being brought to the table for all the roommates to see. Although Snooki wasn't happy with the way that they handled the news of her engagement, she still went through with revealing her second secret.

Thank goodness the roommates had some seriously nice words to say to Snooki once they got the joking out of their system. The most hurtful things came from Jenni however, and her tendency to join in with the group.

The person who seemed to the take the news worst was none other than Vinny, who may still hold a burning flame for his former-hook-up-buddy. He even swore that the sonogram pictures looked like him and told Snooki that she could have been with him, and that he cooks and works -- which apparently Jionni does not.

Pauly D cracked me up when he said, "I can't see Snooki being tied down, unless it's to a bed post or something" and was shocked at her overall transformation.

Deena's reaction: "My meatball's engaged and she's freaking getting pregnant overhere!Right now I feel like the only meatball I have left is the one on my plate! No more meatball days."

Snooki asked JWOWW to watch a birth video where they die laughing at the first mention of a vajay. They sit there and gasp in horror at how far their woman parts can truly stretch. It fascinated Snooki, while Jenni decided to swear off kids for a while.

Amidst all the excitement, the girls have their former, creepy handyman tracking them down like Dog the Bounty Hunter and agree to pay him, while their new handyman is over fixing his shabby work right in front of him. How trampy. Actually, I laughed. Get that creeper and his lollipops out of your place asap, girls.

Finally the day comes for the housewarming party and during the preparation we get to tune back in to episode of the Roger and Jionni show, reminiscent of the Three Two Stooges. 

Scene 1: Jionni tries to put together a grill and fails, and needs Roger's help. During assembly, they talk trash and Rodger challenges Jionni to kick him in the head, and he fails miserably and hurts his foot, ruining his new socks (oh-em-gee).

Meanwhile, Nick the artist arrives with the "Scarface"-esque paintings of the girls and the pups. I'm not going to lie to you, I was quite excited to see them myself, and they did not disappoint. The girls looked like they could team up with their girl Big Ang and be on "Mob Wives Jersey City."

So onto the housewarming party -- you get to see all of their parents, and family and friends that are not on the show normally, except for everyone's favorite slutty-friend Ryder. First to arrive of course was Jenni's father (whom I still refuse to believe had any part in her creation) but is just the nicest man. 

Away from the drunkenness, the two dads come together outside to talk about how much the girls had matured in the last couple years and how proud they were (cue the shot of Jenni black-out drunk falling out of her chair onto the floor).

My favorite party guests of course were the Joeys -- the girls gay BFFs. Jenni's Joey is more laid back like her, and Nicole's Joey is wild and flamboyant like her, but has a serious crush on Roger. At some point I believe Joey asked Roger if he thought of him as more than a friend, but I could have misinterpreted his slurring.

Out of sober boredom, Snooki wants to smush with Jionni who is too busy drunkenly grilling burgers and hanging with Roger (cue Scene 2 of the Two Stooges). And shockingly, it's Roger’s turn to try and kick Jionni in the head (man, their creativity really blows me away).

This part really made me hold my breath like I was watching the dumb girl run upstairs in the horror movie. It was like you knew it wasn't going to be good but couldn't help but watch. To much surprise and relief, Roger missed the kick and nailed him in the shoulder.

The party comes to a close and the couples say goodnight and head to their respective bedrooms where Snooki and Jionni have "real sex" which in case you did not know is nothing like the rabbit-variety, and Roger goes to bed humping Jenni's leg as she sleeps.

Things I learned on this Episode of "JWOWW and Snooki:"

Roger never gets any sex, has a small penis, and has had Chlamydia four times. I repeat: FOUR TIMES. The last two tidbits might explain the first part. Just a thought.

Jionni does not work, is in school, and is a wrestler (just not a high-kicking one).

JWOWW wants to get married to Roger, and did want to have kids, but is now waiting since living with a very "miserable" Snooki.

Just as the theme song says, over and over and over again, "I don't care, I love it!"

Until next week -- agree with me, or agree to disagree with me? Let me know @KT_HUTCH