‘The Bachelorette’ recap, episode 7, Czeching out Prague
This week, Emily greets her six remaining suitors in Prague.
Arie’s got a secret
Sarah: Emily and Arie (“Speed Racer”) have a thrilling one-on-one date strolling through Prague. While kissing in front of picture-perfect scenes and annoying other tourists, Emily worries about Arie’s secret. He briefly dated a “Bachelorette” producer (now Emily’s friend) several years ago and still hasn’t told her.
She spends their entire lunch telling him how important honesty is and how they shouldn’t keep secrets. Arie then proceeds to tell her every possible secret he has -- none of which are related to the ex-girlfriend/producer.
Chris: Big deal. I’m guessing he chose not to tell Emily because he knew she would react negatively, which she obviously did. Chris Harrison explains that they talked off camera and worked everything out. Arie should be worried about how insecure and flaky this situation has proven Emily to be. He doesn’t need to tell her every detail of his life. Does she also want him to describe his daily bowel movements?
Walking tour and dinner in a dungeon
Sarah: I think Emily actually plans her dates because they suck. They all involve walking around town and dinner in a dark, dank place. John (“Wolf”) is as boring as originally assumed. How did he earn that nickname? I’ll be surprised if he receives a rose tonight, although he seems absurdly confident.
Chris: After watching seven weeks of dates, I’ve realized that Emily has no appealing attributes besides her looks. How is that enough for six guys to act like fools to win her affection? Their ultimate prize is not her hand in marriage, but the chance to sleep with her.
Is Emily lost?
Sarah: After John returns from his one-on-one, Sean (“Biceps”) runs outside and starts shouting her name down every street. He finds her and they make out in an alley and a coffee shop.
Chris: Why was she walking down a dark alley by herself? That’s convenient.
Group date tragedies
Sarah: Single Dad Doug blew it! He finally gets alone time with Emily, in a cute castle tower no less, and doesn’t put the moves on her. He even apologizes for his leg bumping into her knee. She dumped him before the date was over.
Chris: Lieutenant Dan shows very aggressive and spiteful behavior when he does not receive the same attention as the other guys. I hope she chooses him for the final four because I want to see if the rumor is true that his father is actually a lizard. Sean wins the group date rose, big surprise.
Jef with one f plays with dolls
Sarah: Emily and Jef with one f buy marionettes and reenact their time together on “The Bachelorette.” Then they lay on the floor of a fancy library and talk about their future. Boring.
Chris: Jef’s skills with the puppet can only be attributed to one thing: his obsession with Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood of Make-Believe.
Lieutenant Dan freaks out
Sarah: Emily may be dumb, but at least she can knows who’s worth her time. She passes on the cocktail party to avoid unnecessary professions of love. Congrats Lieutenant Dan for ruining the rose ceremony and awkwardly professing your love when she was going to pick you anyway.
Chris: At least John didn’t cry when he was eliminated.
The Final Four
Arie, 30 “Speed Racer” -- We’re not confident he’ll make it to the top two -- he’s got tough competition from Biceps
Chris, 25 “Lieutenant Dan” (previously known as “Bobble Head”) -- We can’t wait for him to introduce Emily to Forest Gump.
Jef with one f, 27 (previously known as “Jerry Lee Lewis”) -- We hope we find out the deal with his parents. He said they wouldn’t be home to meet Emily because they had “obligations” for the next few years. Jail?
Sean, 28 “Biceps” -- If I were in a foreign country, walking by myself, in the middle of the night, I would have run in the opposite direction if this guy in a flannel shirt came running after me shouting my name like a lost cat. Don’t pull that weird stuff again, Sean.
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