Forget 'The Meg': Here are five animal-based blockbusters we'd pay to see

Forget 'The Meg': Here are five animal-based blockbusters we'd pay to see
Kelly the Dog made a killing at the box office with "The Meg." (Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.)

Despite sluggish reviews, giant shark film “The Meg” furiously swam away from the competition at the box office last weekend. And why wouldn’t it?

Just four months earlier, Dwayne Johnson and his band of angry, oversized animals in “Rampage” made $400 million globally, showing yet again that what we really want from our entertainment is death and destruction as delivered by grossly overgrown creatures.


With that in mind, here are five film ideas sure to be box-office blockbusters, thanks to one or more digitally enhanced beasts.

“Night of the Lepus” remake

We’ll ease into the game with a gimme. Hollywood loves reboots and remakes and reiterations, and “Lepus” is a doozy. Originally released in 1972, the film features genetically altered rabbits on a countryside killing spree.

As epic as it sounds, the film was panned for — in my humble opinion — being too adorable and failing to make rabbits scary. This isn’t particularly shocking, given that most of the rabbit footage was of domesticated rabbits hopping around a miniature set, but that doesn’t mean that the premise is hopeless.

Anyone who watched the original animated “Watership Down” movie at an inappropriately young age can tell you that bunnies can be terrifying. So the right director and star — I’m thinking a mid- to upper-level Hemsworth — could make this a box-office winner.

“Tusk: (Like ‘Jaws’ But With a Walrus)”

Granted, this one is maybe a little underbaked — Kevin Smith's polarizing 2014 film notwithstanding — but if you combine footage of a menacing walrus soundtracked by Fleetwood Mac’s “Tusk” in a trailer, it should guarantee you a $40-million opening weekend, easy.

“The Crows”

Perhaps you’re just assuming that this is a ripoff of “The Birds,” and you’re mostly wrong because crows are freaky in a way that generalized fowl could never be.

In a nutshell: Crows will mess you up. Did you know that crows remember faces? Well, now you do. They’re also super family-oriented, which means that if you wrong a crow, you’ve wronged their entire murder. That is, after all, what you call a group of crows. Also, they make tools and fight off predators in groups.

Are you kidding me? Someone cast Liam Neeson and greenlight this grudge match/revenge flick/murder murder fantasy (get it?) ASAP, because that money is going to print itself.

(Also, maybe the crows are really big?)


This one actually is a ripoff of “The Birds,” beginning with someone — maybe Margot Robbie? — getting the gift of an ant farm and things spiraling out of control from there.

In essence, ants are bad and there are too many of them and I can’t figure out how to get them out of my apartment, so I’m channeling all of that anxiety into this film.

People will love it. They already love that animated version, “Antz,” right?

“Untitled Tortoise Project”

There’s an enormous tortoise and it’s making its way toward a crowded metropolitan area. He’s not really menacing, but very accidentally destructive because, as mentioned, he is enormous.


Disaster is imminent if the tortoise can’t be stopped by, let’s say, Jeff Goldblum, but they have some time because, again, it’s a tortoise.

It’s a slow burn.