The 7 best L.A. spots to go to for a second date, backed by relationship experts
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In the vast catalog of relationship science research, very little focuses on the second date — or at least beyond what it takes to land one.
There are ample studies about first dates and initial attraction, which are often conducted in speed dating-style experiments. On the opposite end of the spectrum, some researchers devote their entire careers to studying long-term relationship trajectories. But few delineations are made among the dates that make up the period between meet-cute and making it official.
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Even under a pop-culture dating framework, which assigns some value to early dating milestones including the third date and the three-month mark, Date No. 2 falls to the wayside.
Yet the second date is psychologically significant, because it marks most daters’ first venture past “initial clearance,” said Bree Jenkins, a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach based in Los Angeles.
Instructions for a first date are clear: Introduce yourselves and decide whether you’re compatible. This “meet and greet,” as Jenkins called it, most often happens over coffee or drinks.
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“The second date is different, because you have some level of psychological reassurance that the other person is interested,” Jenkins said. “So some of the anxiety comes down, and I think it’s a little bit easier for people to be more intentional about how they want to connect.”
The Times spoke with relationship scientists and dating coaches to determine what types of second-date activities might foster that early sense of connection, which ideally snowballs into successive dates.
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Their insights distilled to the following criteria:
Keep it affordable
Money puts the pressure on, and the goal of a second date should be to take the pressure off.
Duana Welch, a dating and relationship coach and author of “Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps From I Wish to I Do,” said that when someone spends heavily on their date, “research shows that a lot of times, there’s a sexual expectation that’s implied or actually real.”
Such a dynamic can hinder daters’ ability to effectively gauge their compatibility, “so take that expectation away from it,” Welch said. “Do something that’s pretty simple and pretty low cost.”
In other words, don’t be stingy, she said, but focus on being generous with your time and compliments rather than with your money.
Get active, but don’t cut the conversation
General second-date advice suggests incorporating an activity as a divergence from the first date-style, sit-down conversation. Relationship scientists agreed but issued a caveat: Make sure you can still talk.
Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor at UC Davis specializing in the science of relationships, said that whereas in the past people might have interacted 10 or 20 times before they went on a first date, with the advent of online dating, “the archetype that people often have is, ‘I met you on the first date.’”
In that paradigm, a follow-up date is still ripe for introductory conversation, which can’t easily occur in many default second-date settings like a movie theater. Instead, Eastwick recommended a cooking class or immersive show — “something that permits interaction, but you’re also doing this third thing.”
Welch recommended a bike ride or museum stroll, as “people sometimes open up more where they don’t feel like they have to look right at each other.”
Lean into novelty
Lastly, the suggestion to try something new may seem like a cliché, but it’s also scientifically legitimate.
“Anytime that you have a novel experience, especially if it’s enjoyable, you’re going to release more dopamine,” Jenkins, the dating coach, said. “It gives people a way to connect and feel more positive emotion behind the connection.”
With all that in mind, here is a list of second-date ideas in L.A. that relationship experts can get behind.
Let your mind wander at the Museum of Jurassic Technology
Helmed by multidisciplinary artist and 2001 MacArthur fellow David Hildebrand Wilson, the formerly nomadic museum, which dabbles in both natural history and mysticism, landed at its current spot in Palms in 1988. At the time, the building manager told Wilson he could offer a one-year lease. “That’s fine. We won’t last a year,” Wilson recalled replying.
Nearly 40 years later, the museum has spilled over into three adjacent buildings, all owned by Wilson, who on some days can be found playing the Swedish nyckelharpa on the facility’s romantic rooftop terrace. Visitors routinely request to use the swoon-worthy space as a wedding venue.
A handful of regulars even use the museum as a “vetting mechanism” for their dates, Wilson said. Those who engage sincerely or at minimum tolerate their discomfort get the green light. Wilson loves to watch when sparks fly, he said, and it happens often.
The museum’s moderate size makes it pretty easy to catch everything. But if you find yourself pressed for time, spend at least some of it with exhibits “A Veiled Gazelle” and “The Eye of the Needle.” These awe-inspiring atmospheres will give you and your date plenty to muse on.
The Museum of Jurassic Technology is open from 2 to 8 p.m. Thursday and Friday and from noon to 6 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Suggested admission is $15 with discounted rates for students, children and others.
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Enjoy street food without the stress at Los Feliz Night Market
The modest food fair, whose vendors hardly fill its Los Feliz Car Wash venue, may not have the vast selection offered by higher-profile markets, but it also doesn’t have its peers’ packed lines or parking congestion.
Most of the market’s offerings fall under Mexican cuisine, but fan favorites also include Spam-topped sushi rolls and smashburgers. And while bougier items like sugarcane juice run a bit higher in cost ($11), you and your date can still get three street tacos and keep your tab in the single digits.
If the two of you get bored or run out of stomach space, head down Los Feliz Boulevard to Bigfoot Lodge, which Chappell Roan has crowned her favorite L.A. bar, for Tuesday night bluegrass or Wednesday night trivia.
Los Feliz Night Market is open from 6 p.m. to midnight Tuesday and Wednesday. Free parking is available on-site with overflow spots on the main road and nearby cross streets.
Level up your mini golf game at Holey Moley
The rest of you, grab your digital camera and enter a neon wonderland where gin cocktails come in tiny bathtubs and beer pong prowess can get you a hole-in-one. Speaking of booze, each of this venue’s 27 holes — three nine-hole courses spanning two floors — is outfitted with a drink stand, so feel free to skip the bar seating and bring your beverage onto the course.
According to Holey Moley’s website, each nine-hole course takes around 25 to 40 minutes to complete, but if you want to extend your date without paying for more putts, pause at the third-floor balcony for a chat and, if you’re lucky, some tableside magic. Alternatively, grab a post-golf bite at a nearby bar (Élephante’s whipped eggplant dip never disappoints) or stroll along the 3rd Street Promenade. The walkway’s buskers might even get you dancing in your date’s arms.
Holey Moley is open seven days a week, with discounted rates on weekdays. Take advantage of a $40 date-night bundle offering nine holes of golf and cocktails for two, available Monday through Thursday for walk-ins starting at 6 p.m.
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Pedal to the beach on the Ballona Creek Bike Path
But choose your own adventure with a modification or two, and it’s accessible to anyone, regardless of fitness level.
First tip: Opt for an electric bike — Metro e-bikes are $1 to unlock and $1.75 each 30 minutes — so your flirty banter doesn’t leave you huffing and puffing on the uphills like you might on a hiking date. Secondly, hop on at any of the dozen entry points closer to the coast for an easier ride. (The entrance off tiny Culver Drive and the one off McConnell Avenue have ample parking and offer solid rides without a tiresome prelude to the best stretch.)
The bike path itself is free, but if you have some cash to spare, Playa del Rey has plenty of options for end-of-ride refreshments. Daytime riders, finish up at Tanner’s Coffee for blended mochas and bagel sandwiches. Sunset chasers, cap off the night with a drink at Mo’s Place.
Judge indie comedy at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
At the UCB’s “Sketch Cagematch,” attendees vote for their favorite sketch teams in a competition-style comedy show. At “F— this Month,” comedians turn crowd members’ professed miseries into improv scenes. As you watch (and help shape) these shows, you can dabble in some light conversation and decipher your date’s sense of humor. Plus, tickets are cheap — typically landing at $10 or $15 per person.
To fill out the evening, pre-game with mini canned cocktails from the Oaks Gourmet Market & Cafe on the corner, or grab a late-night slice at Detroit Pizza Depot a few blocks away.
Pro tip: Make sure to check which of the UCB’s two Hollywood venues your particular show is at (Franklin or Annex). They’re close to each other, but not the same.
Master the art of homemade pasta at Green Haus Kitchen Studio
Even if the date itself is a bust, “at least you did something,” as Paul Eastwick, the U.C. Davis relationship science researcher, said.
Chef Cregg Green’s BYOB pappardelle-making class is especially thorough, covering basics like the pros and cons of different flours to the fine art of kneading pasta dough. The process is undoubtedly laborious — my class, scheduled from 5 to 7:30 p.m., ran almost two hours over — but the results are well worth the time and effort. Plus, the teamwork the whole endeavor requires is bound to bring you and your date closer together. As a bonus, everyone takes a helping of pasta home, so you have a built-in excuse to suggest a third date to enjoy the leftovers together.
Green Haus Kitchen Studio classes are available for advanced booking at cocusocial.com, but keep your eye out for discounts on Groupon.
Catch a rooftop screening at the Montalbán Theatre
Early into the COVID-19 pandemic, this historic Hollywood theater’s picturesque rooftop kept the whole place financially afloat. While almost every entertainment venue in L.A. was closed to the public, the Montalbán’s rooftop film screenings sold out every night, six nights a week, according to the Montalbán Co. President Gilbert Smith.
But once showing films outdoors to stay safe ceased to be a necessity, Smith recalled thinking, “There’s got to be more perceived value to the exercise.”
Today, Rooftop Movies at the Montalbán are all-evening affairs, where you can kick off your visit with lawn games and live music before settling in to catch a classic. The venue also has its own bar and kitchen, with menu items ranging from Wagyu burgers to fried mini churros.
When I visited, I opted for “Lethal Weapon,” which I’d never seen (and likely wouldn’t have chosen at home), but enjoyed in this particular scenario. Conversely, Bree Jenkins, the L.A. dating coach, recommended picking a movie you’ve already seen so you don’t mind losing screen time to have a side conversation with your date.
Another plus: Because your neighbors can listen to the film’s audio through their headphones, they won’t be bothered by your chatter.
Screenings are held on select Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays into the fall, with tickets at $25 for a single seat (includes complimentary popcorn) or $50 for a two-person loveseat (includes bottomless popcorn and champagne). Public parking is available next door at the 1627 Vine St. garage.
