Running off at the typewriter …
If there's one team that absolutely cannot sign the Fidel Castro-sympathizing Colin Kaepernick, it is the Miami Dolphins.
Even if starting quarterback Ryan Tannehill is lost for the season and even if Kaepernick is the most viable option to help the Dolphins make a return to the playoffs, Miami's vast and vocal Cuban population would explode if their hometown team signed a quarterback who has endorsed a brutal dictator responsible for killing thousands of Cubans and incarcerating tens of thousands of political prisoners.
Kaepernick, if you'll recall, wore a Castro T-shirt last year to a news conference to discuss the oppression of African-Americans. That's right; he attended an anti-oppression news conference wearing a T-shirt favorably depicting one of the most oppressive dictators in world history.
To make matters worse, Kaepernick, when questioned about the T-shirt, actually lauded Castro for investing so much more on Cuba's education system than on the country's prison system. Kaepernick probably never stopped to consider that maybe Castro figured killing prisoners is much cheaper than incarcerating them.
That said, I believe if any NFL team needs a quarterback and Kaepernick is considered the best option for winning games, then he should certainly be signed.
Any team, that is, except Miami.
Bringing Kaepernick to Miami would be like bringing Bill Cosby to a feminist convention. Remember when former Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen expressed admiration for Castro a few years ago? The protests were immediate and the Marlins suspended Guillen for five games. Guillen quickly apologized and admitted that the comments were the biggest mistake of his life.
Likewise, signing Kaepernick would be one of the biggest mistakes in Dolphins history.
SHORT STUFF: With no stars and barely any starters playing in the first NFL exhibition game between the Dallas Cowboys and Arizona Cardinals on Thursday night, the league should have changed the name from "Hall of Fame Game" to "Hall of What's-His-Name Game." … Since giving up his full-ride athletic scholarship because he simply wasn't willing to even consider compromising with the NCAA, ex-UCF kicker and current YouTube sensation Donald De La Haye has started a GoFundMe page so gullible Internet dupes can pay for his college education. Sorry, but I find it laughable that he wants others to provide him with the free education that he just gave up and is asking others to sacrifice their money so he can continue to make his. Two words: Student loan. …
Did you see where the University of Florida's newest quarterback — Notre Dame transfer Malik Zaire — says he thinks the Gators could have the best offense in the country this season? Love his enthusiasm, but personally I think UF's offensive rallying cry this year should be: "Just don't finish ranked 100th or worse, baby!" … The preseason Amway Coaches Poll was released earlier this week, spawning hours of mind-numbingly meaningless debate on pointless rankings that really mean nothing in the grand scheme of the college football season. That said, FSU SHOULD BE RANKED NO. 1, NOT ALABAMA!!! … By the way, how do you become a voter on the Amway Poll? Do you have to recruit 10 other voters who then recruit 10 other voters and so on? … A moment of silence, please. Ara Parseghian has gone to That Big Golden Dome in the Sky. …
I'm not saying Jon Gruden doesn't belong in the Tampa Bay Bucs Ring of Honor, but it's a joke that he's getting in before Tony Dungy. I realize Gruden won the Bucs' only Super Bowl in his first season after Dungy was fired, but as Warren Sapp once said — and I'm paraphrasing — "Tony Dungy went to the store, bought the ingredients to make the cake, mixed up the batter, poured it in the pan and put it in the oven. Then — ding! — the bell went off. And Jon Gruden took the cake out of the oven." … Orlando City has signed Peruvian midfielder Yoshimar Yotún. Yes, THAT Yoshimar Yotún.
LAST WORD: How cool is it that the Chicago Cubs are giving Steve Bartman a World Series ring? Even cooler would be if they tossed it to him during the ring ceremony and Moises Alou intercepted it! …
Don't forget, you can click on OrlandoSentinel.com and read the wildly popular Open Mike blog and interactive extravaganza to get my freshest takes on what's happening in the world of sports. Here's an excerpt from a blog about the death of legendary Florida Gators quarterback John Reaves:
Steve Spurrier gave John Reaves the ultimate compliment on Wednesday, the day after Reaves was found dead at his home in Tampa.
"A lot of people think the SEC started airing it out when we got to Florida in 1990," The Head Ball Coach said of his revolutionary Fun 'N' Gun offense. "It actually began 21 years earlier with John Reaves, Carlos Alvarez and the Super Sophs of 1969."
"Coach [Ray Graves] allowed [offensive coordinator] Fred Pancoast and his offensive coaches to put in a big passing offense, they came out firing against Houston and away they went. John broke all my passing records."
All of you youngsters out there, come jump up on old grandpappy's knee and let me give you a history lesson:
The Gators of 1968 ran a boring, snoring, run-oriented offense that threw just two touchdown passes and averaged 15 points per game. The Gators secretly changed their offense going into the following season because of a cannon-armed young quarterback from Tampa (Reaves) and a cheetah-fast Cuban-American receiver from Miami (Alvarez).
In the 1969 season-opener against Houston — Playboy magazine's preseason No. 1 team — Reaves threw a 70-yard TD pass to Alvarez on the third play from scrimmage. By the time the game was over, the Gators had routed Houston 59-34 and Reaves had thrown for a school-record 342 yards and five touchdowns — UF records previously held by Spurrier.
Gators fans were so shocked and surprised with this new exciting offense that they flocked to Florida Field at halftime of the Houston game and bought tickets so they could witness the aerial show Reaves and Alvarez were putting on.
In his first season as a starter, Reaves rewrote the SEC record books with 2,896 passing yards and 24 touchdowns. By the time his college career was finished, he was the NCAA's all-time leading passing leader with 7,581 career yards.
"John Reaves," Spurrier said, "was an all-time special Gator."
Most interesting reader retorts, radio rabble, tangy tweets and message-board mockery of the week:
On Colin Kaepernick: “If he’s so bad for business, why do so many people buy his jersey?”
On Denver’s Von Miller claiming he might shatter the NFL record by recording 30 sacks this season: “Only if the Broncos play the Jaguars 12 times.”
On ex-UCF kicker Donald De La Haye’s YouTube battle with the NCAA: “I don’t know who is a bigger marketing genius — Donald De La Haye or LaVar Ball.”
In commemoration of the passing of Ara Parseghian, three of my favorite quotes from Notre Dame coaching legends:
“A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are.” — Ara Parseghian
“Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.” — Frank Leahy
“Show me a good and gracious loser and I’ll show you a failure.” — Knute Rockne
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Hit me up on Twitter @BianchiWrites and listen to my Open Mike radio show every weekday from 6 to 9 a.m. on FM 96.9 and AM 740.