Extraterrestrial aliens would like Orange County, but they’d find global issues

We are not alone.

That’s what most Americans believe, according to a new YouGov poll.

The majority think that extraterrestrial aliens definitely or probably exist, the survey found, and many are also pretty sure they’ve paid us a visit recently.

This degree of certainty outranks the levels of belief in Bigfoot, the Yeti, the Loch Ness monster and the Chupacabra. Probably not Santa Claus, but he wasn’t mentioned, so I’m just assuming.

It’s really not such a stretch to think that life exists elsewhere. After all, there are trillions of planets in the Milky Way galaxy alone, and ours is just one among trillions of others like it in the universe. So, it stands to reason there would be other places where some forms of life have taken root.

But of all the gin joints in all the worlds in all the solar systems, why would aliens walk into ours?

We have been looking for them, so some people suppose that they have been looking too.

Maybe some of the feelers we’ve sent out, in the form of signals issued from roving spacecraft, have attracted an advanced alien species to come and check us out. Maybe these extraterrestrial creatures are so evolved they’ve figured out how to find other life forms amid their celestial wanderings.

What would they observe if they were, indeed, among us? Or at least watching from a safe distance? Again, I’m just supposing, but they might find much to recommend our planet.

For one, the natural beauty is stunning, from the majestic glaciers of the far north and south, to the planet’s mountains and deserts or its oceans, lakes and rivers. Perhaps they marveled from space at our natural wonders, like the Grand Canyon, Victoria Falls, the Great Barrier Reef or Mount Everest, and wanted to get a closer look.

They might also be impressed by the diversity of life here and the fantastic ways that that our world’s creatures have adapted and evolved. Homo sapiens, with their bigger brains and opposable thumbs, could present these intelligent alien beings with a worthy opportunity for connection and interaction. We might have much to learn from each other.

Orange County, I expect, would be a prime destination. After all, we have world-famous beaches, top universities, an unbeatable climate and great shopping and dining options. Who knows, maybe E.T. could learn to surf here.

I imagine these aliens would also be puzzled by other features of our planet, particularly by the confounding aspects of American culture.

A hypothetical sampling of questions they might ask could include: What’s the deal with the big, jolly guy in the red suit and what does he have to do with the birth of baby Jesus?

Why do you call your passing and running game “football” when that’s also the name of the world’s most popular sport, which is literally all about foot-and-ball interaction?

I picture them shaking their alien heads over such puzzles.

Also, they might ask, why would a beautiful beach town build an artificial surf park when it already has a giant natural one?

They may wonder why, if humans are as smart as they claim, they can also be infuriatingly dumb — so dumb they are hurtling toward the destruction of that marvelous natural world they inhabit and refuse to take the actions necessary to stop, or even slow, the devastation.

Those awe-inspiring glaciers are melting at an ever-quickening pace, the oceans are rising and many of those gorgeous beaches could soon be submerged.

The diverse array of life on this planet is also at risk from humans’ heedless actions, the aliens would likely observe.

They dump their refuse into their oceans, threatening sea life. On land, many places are fast becoming uninhabitable. Yet denial seems to run high among these people, they would surely think.

And they are always fighting with each other, these creatures who won Earth’s evolutionary lottery, the ones who claim to cherish peace and goodwill but can’t seem to stop shouting at each other.

They obsess over their differences instead of embracing their commonalities. They spend too little time trying to understand each other. Too often they turn to violence.

That YouGov poll also found most people think alien encounters would have a negative effect on human civilization, whether through unintentional harm or outright hostility. With absolutely zero evidence, the presumption is that aliens are to be feared.

But there’s another possible scenario. Perhaps, as many believe, we have been visited by aliens, or at least beings from other worlds know that we are here and have observed us to some degree.

If that is the case, it’s just as likely that those aliens, after taking a good, hard look, decided to pass on our planet.

Nice beaches and all that, but the people on this third rock rotating around an unremarkable, average-size star are just too crazy. And then they moved on.