Dysfunctional Yes, but Entertaining

Over?

Nothing’s over ‘til we say it’s over!

The 2003-04 season was long. It was horrific, at least for the Lakers (for the Clippers, it was merely depressing, as usual.) And now, appropriately enough, it won’t end.

The Lakers have work to do with Shaquille O’Neal to deal and Kobe Bryant to secure. Meanwhile, as a team official noted, they’re looking at a starting lineup of Gary Payton, Kareem Rush, Devean George, Luke Walton and Brian Cook.

Then there are the Clippers, the NBA’s longest running work-in-progress.

The good news for local fans is one way or the other, you should be covered on Bryant. He intends to stay, whether it’s as a Laker or a Clipper.

Hard as it may be to believe, the assumption the Lakers locked Bryant up by letting Phil Jackson go and putting O’Neal on the block is wrong. People close to Bryant say he hasn’t committed himself to the Lakers and is still actively considering the Clippers.

As a Laker, he’d be part of a successful tradition, even if he might be playing for a former Houston Rocket coach, alongside three recently acquired Mavericks, Kings, Pacers or whatever.

On the other hand, as a Clipper, he’d be on display at lower ticket prices. Just think: Cut-rate Kobe!

The Clippers with Bryant would be an exciting team that would make the playoffs. Of course, the real drama would be waiting to see what You Know Who did to mess them up.

Personally, I’ve always enjoyed the spectacle of Donald T. Sterling, but I don’t play for him, work for him, pay money to see his games or even go to many of them.

However, if Bryant joins up, The Don won’t be just a local joke but the owner of a team people actually care about, so his hijinks wouldn’t be so amusing anymore.

Signing no one in the summer of 2002, so that all eight of his free agents try to leave in 2003?

Sitting out the three-month lockout in 1998-99 without a coach, just to avoid having to pay one?

Assistant coaches on half-season contracts?

Telling the general manager he can’t bring in a new player to replace one who’s hurt?

Sorry, Donny, that stuff won’t fly anymore. If you do get Kobe, I’ll get back to you on this.

Of course, the prospect of the Lakers going away is bad news for the NBA because no one knows whether anyone will watch anything else the league has to offer. Early returns, such as the 7.5 rating for the New Jersey Nets and San Antonio Spurs in the 2003 Finals, suggest the answer is “no.”

That was so devastating, Commissioner David Stern actually said he’d be thrilled to get a double-figure rating for any of the Finals games, but he had a pleasant surprise coming.

With the Lakers in the 2004 Finals, even falling in five games like a shock of wheat, the NBA went back into the big leagues of double-digit ratings with an 11.5.

Now, suddenly, there are no more Lakers to love, hate, fear, push around or, best of all, write our stories for us.

Even for those of us who prayed for this day so we could get a little rest around here, this is a loss. The Lakers ranked with the greatest, wildest outfits of all time, the Bronx Zoo Yankees, Charlie Finley’s A’s and Al Davis’ Raiders.

The Lakers’ longevity, at least as far as remaining an elite team despite major dysfunction, stands alone. O’Neal and Bryant feuded off and on for their last six seasons, starting in the lockout-shortened 1999 campaign.

It was always a curious feud. O’Neal and Bryant crossed swords, or at least quotes, for three seasons, were friends for two and fell out again last season. No matter what else was going on, they joined forces in the spring to try to win titles.

O’Neal was offended at the presence of a teammate so openly independent -- or selfish, as Shaq would have put it -- not to mention unintimidated by him.

Bryant didn’t care much about O’Neal until this season, when Kobe was no longer his same bulletproof self and decided he’d had it with Shaq.

Nevertheless, there they were, co-hosting the Bathroom Summit before Game 4 in Detroit to suggest tactical changes to Jackson. Had the Lakers triumphed in the end, they might have even gone on together.

It was weird but it worked, three titles worth from 2000 to ’02. After a No. 5 finish in 2003, the Lakers were on the road through the playoffs, but if Robert Horry’s three-point basket at the end of Game 5 in San Antonio had stayed down, they would have been favored the rest of the way.

It looked as if they would retake the throne this spring, but then, when it seemed close enough to taste, they suddenly learned they were not only old, but over.

In the end, they won’t be considered one of the greatest NBA teams, and three years is a tad short for an actual dynasty.

They sure were fun, though. Now that they’re gone, I miss them.

Faces and Figures

They may have made out in the draft: 1) Orlando: Dwight Howard may actually turn out to be a star, because people say he’s not really as dizzy as the things that come out of his mouth. Unfortunately, the clueless new Magic general manager, John Weisbrod, who has messed up everything he has touched in only three months on the job, went in opposite different directions, drafting a prep while working to trade Tracy McGrady for veterans.... The Magic will try to win, which will put pressure on Coach Johnny Davis, which will limit Howard’s minutes and their tolerance for the inevitable mistakes....

So far, Weisbrod has retained Davis, who went 20-52 after replacing Doc Rivers. Then Weisbrod ran off McGrady by insisting that he commit himself to staying. After drafting Howard, Weisbrod traded for Denver’s No. 20 pick, Jameer Nelson, who’ll play behind Steve Francis when he arrives in from Houston in the McGrady deal. In return, Orlando gave up a No. 1 pick, which the Nuggets can exercise in 2006, unless it’s in the top three.

2) Charlotte: Emeka Okafor, who’s actually 6-8 3/4, not the 6-8 1/4 I listed him, will be a nice player. “This isn’t fair,” wrote the Chicago Tribune’s Sam Smith. “Fifteen minutes in the league and they already have a better player than anyone on the Bulls.”

3) Chicago. Ben Gordon and Luol Deng are good young prospects. Of course, the impatient Bulls are now even younger than they were.... Now to get rid of the problem children: The Bulls still have hope for Tyson Chandler, but Eddy Curry can’t even stay on a conditioning program before what’s supposed to be his make-or-break season. Jamal Crawford is clueless and they won’t match if someone signs him to an offer sheet.

The McGrady trade for Francis, Cuttino Mobley and Kelvin Cato is expected to go through. Despite Weisbrod’s claim he still was taking bids, the only thing holding up the deal was Francis’ dismay. Francis has since indicated he is willing to come.

Draftees to watch: Shaun Livingston, the Clipper pick at No. 4. His frail build suggests he’s a long way away but everyone sees his potential.... Al Jeffries, the widebody who went No. 15 to Boston. He moved up late, with scouts noting a fierce competitiveness, a la Portland’s Zach Randolph.... Sasha Vujacic, the Slovenian point guard the Lakers took at No. 27. With everyone looking for big men and players who were ready now, the Lakers got an actual prospect deep in the first round.

Beno Udrih, the Slovenian point guard the Spurs took at No. 29. No one has done better overseas than they have, after taking Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Gordan Giricek. They also have the rights to Luis Scola, a highly rated Argentine power forward they took in the 2002 second round. They tried to trade up for Nelson, but were delighted to see Udrih drop.... Prospect to remember, if you’ve got a really good memory: The Spurs say the No. 43 pick, Viktor Sanikidze, an 18-year-old 6-8 Georgian who played in France and will stay overseas, has the most potential of their four picks.

With five teams (Denver, Utah, Phoenix, Atlanta, Clippers) holding maximum slots, look for frantic bidding for free agents -- aggravated by the fact there aren’t many. After Bryant, it’s Steve Nash, Erick Dampier, Ginobili, Brent Barry, Rasheed Wallace, Antoine Walker, Marcus Camby and Mehmet Okur, who are unrestricted, and Kenyon Martin and Crawford, who are restricted.