Copyright © 2019, Los Angeles Times | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy

Brain Drain Source Identified in La Cañada

On the Lighter Side

By Steve Browne, Official JPL Neighbor

Using sophisticated computer programs and satellite imaging, experts have identified a dangerous but small black hole of intelligence near Hahamongna Park.

The exact location of this anomaly is at the entrance of La Cañada High School near the administration office. Apparently parents who are dropping their children are affected the most by this mysterious force that renders drivers incapable of thinking.

The most apparent symptom is a driver’s inability to pull forward and let other people enter the parking lot. The affected drivers just stop and can only talk to their children and let them out.

Students are also affected and can be seen walking in the parking lot oblivious to the cars driving around them, although some attribute this behavior to just being a teenager.

The area has been identified and charted using the Hubble Bubblescope and the three other geosynchronous satellites positions 12 feet above the earth’s atmosphere. An aerial view of the brain drain area has been supplied by an anonymous White House official.

Finally, on a related note, the Federal Government has quietly authorized a $10 million study to see if the brain drain can be used as a weapon against smart reporters.