In Theory: What does it mean to be a man?

Modern Christian literature and culture defines masculinity by physical prowess and shows of strength, but that way of thinking is misguided, writes Chandler Epp, in a column on Religion News Service.

“‘The Manual to Manhood,’ the No. 1 book for Christian teens on Amazon, includes essays that instruct boys on how to fulfill godly, manly duties like grilling steaks, changing tires, impressing girls, and wearing the right cologne,” Epp writes.

But books like “The Manual to Manhood” and the depictions of manhood they prescribe aren’t saying much that’s biblical, according to Epp.

“A closer reading suggests that the Bible’s heroes aren’t meant to be models of outward toughness but exemplars of inner fortitude. So why have so many Christians accepted secular standards of masculinity as the basis for biblical manhood?”

Q. Do you see a problem with how men are defined in scripture? How do you define masculinity?

Regardless of what the Bible says or does not, most boys are raised on violent images of fighting and conflict. Most men would rather their sons watch movies and TV filled with force and aggression than anything that can be considered a “chick flick.” Boys are told they cannot be weak, tender or vulnerable. As a boy, I was trained to never cry, but to be hard. Boys have to know the answers, even when they don’t and provide “security” when they are insecure. Essentially, as author Eve Ensler says, boys are trained “not to be girls.”

In her words, we are taught that “Compassion clouds your thinking. Vulnerability is weakness. Emotions are not to be trusted. Don’t take things personally … To be a boy means not to be a girl. To be a man means not to be a girl. To be strong means not to be a girl. To be a woman means not to be a girl. To be a leader means not to be a girl.”

But, the fact is, we are. We have all of these things in us — the passion that informs wisdom, the vulnerability that equals strength, emotions that have inherent logic, logic that can save us, especially from ourselves. By denying or pretending these things don’t exist, we are denying and suppressing our own nature. When we harden our hearts, we become capable of all kinds of things because we lose the ability to care and feel. We can kill and rape and do horrible things selfishly for “our cause,” our “security” or against “the enemy.” Certainly, not all people are rapists and murderers. But when we sit at our TV sets and see extreme violence, abject poverty or the destruction of our Earth and we barely feel anything because it doesn’t directly affect us in the moment, are we not just as bad? When we laud fear-mongering, hate-filled rhetoric, are we not just as bad? When we vote for candidates who run on platforms of intolerance, retribution and bigotry, are we not just as bad?

I know there are plenty of caring men out there and many who are also fighters and soldiers. I know that those warriors among us, regardless of whether I personally believe they are actually solving problems or causing more of them, are acting with a genuine heartfelt sense of duty and I applaud that. However, figuratively speaking, I think the courage it takes to stand behind a huge gun in the face of death is not nearly what it takes to drop that gun when you are still in someone else’s sights and reach out your hand to them in a show of compassion, knowing they may well kill you for doing it. But, that act, done over and over is the only thing that will end the cycle of violence in the world. And, to society’s warriors who strive to reach out your hand to the “enemy” on my behalf, I thank you.

I believe being accepting, empathetic, compassionate and giving is far more manly and important that being the biggest and strongest. I agree with Eve that the girl cell is “central to the evolution of our species and an assurance of the continuation of the human race. It must be very powerful to be a girl if everyone is taught not to be one.” Being a real man means being a girl as well: and being a caring human means being a girl as well, and that is an important lesson we must teach our children.

Joshua Lewis Berg
Humanist Celebrant
Glendale

I don’t see a problem with how manhood is defined in scripture. The Bible’s ethical and practical wisdom about a wide variety of topics has been proven time and again, and this topic is no different. Because I believe the Bible is inspired by God and true from cover to cover I choose to define masculinity the way it does.

I find the following are biblical traits of manhood.

Men are made for the primary purpose of glorifying our creator, so that’s an essential element of manhood. Biblical manhood fears God, but not other men. It seeks to please God regardless of how others react. It is self-sacrificial, putting the welfare of others before itself. As an employee, a man should work with all of his heart, as if for the Lord himself and not just for his earthly boss. A man who is a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for us. A man should be romantically involved with only one woman. A man who is a father should bring his children up in the fear and instruction of the Lord, but he should never exasperate his children or provoke them to anger with unfair or harsh treatment. Men should have a habit of praying and carry themselves with dignity.

Individual men described in Scripture have been lauded for various positive traits. Joseph trusted in the sovereignty of the Lord and refused to take revenge on his brothers who had betrayed him. Joshua and Caleb moved boldly into enemy territory because of their unflinching trust in the Lord. In Babylon Daniel refused to compromise his biblically mandated diet and his habit of praying only to the Lord. Elijah publicly proclaimed God’s word even though it put his life in danger.

Too many indicators warn us that our culture has become very confused about what true manhood is and our culture is suffering because of it. It’s time to return to what God says works.

Pastor Jon Barta
Burbank

Men in Scripture run the gamut with regard to physical prowess, but there’s no teaching that if a man is slight, he is less manly than one who is burly. Genes dictate our forms — which were combined out of the myriad possibilities God wove into our forefather Adam — and none of us had anything to say about it. Yet all are made in God’s image and all owe their allegiance to him. Now, God says, “physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things” (1 Timothy 4:8). Many passages of the Bible could be cited to reinforce the superior, spiritual side of masculinity, while those that address the physical side do so in acknowledgment of our maleness, and not as something to be inappropriately exalted.

That we are different from women is where God pushes us to maintain the masculine side of the equation. We’re made to function as men, just as women function femininely likewise. Our natural strength eclipses that of women, and even the smallest man can best his female counterpart in a fight. That illustration, itself, belies a masculine mind. But while men exhibit stereotypical attributes, there are always those in the margins that don’t succeed by worldly standards, and a small percent of those ultimately surrender. They needed coaching. Coaching masculinity is a necessity, as the raw material can be perverted, and even rejected, by men whose intrinsic masculinity and value before God was not properly cultivated.

The fact is, men are naturally stronger, we compartmentalize thought, and we can grow beards; we’re different. Books about that have been written, like, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” or “Men Are Like Waffles — Women Are Like Spaghetti.” We’re different, but we are what we are thoroughly, and not even a so-called “sex change” can stamp it out.

Scripture says, “God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female … A woman must not put on men’s clothing, and a man must not wear women’s clothing. Anyone who does this is detestable,” and “No man is to have sexual relations with another man; God hates that” (Genesis 1:27 … Deuteronomy 22:5, Leviticus 18:22).

Yes there is a difference. If you aren’t sure, check your plumbing, then embrace in yourself what is already the truth, and we’ll do a better job of promulgating spiritual masculinity over secular perceptions. Even so, I still think a godly man should open the door for a woman.

Rev. Bryan A. Griem
Tujunga