Getting to the point on gender

GUEST COLUMN

Editor’s note: This is a special guest column by Jeff Tully’s evil

twin brother -- J.T. Tully. The views expressed by J.T. are not

necessarily those of the sports editor, the Burbank Leader, Times

Community News or any company affiliated outlets or taco stands.

First of all, I would like to thank my brother Jeff for giving me

the opportunity to get a few things off my chest.

Although we look a lot alike, I’m nothing like my mild-mannered

brother. Jeff’s more of a goody-goody who tends to look at the local

sports world from a milk-and-cookies perspective. Heck, he won’t even

use words like lambasted, shellacked, beaten down, stomped or creamed

in his sports stories for fear they might ruffle some feathers.

With that said, it’s my turn to -- in the words of legendary local

sports personality Gil Stratton -- “call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

First of all, I’m not sexist.

I rooted for Annika Sorenstam to do well at the Bank of America

Colonial. She is real good-looking and I think they should allow all

the hot babes on the LPGA Tour to play against the men.

There are women lawyers, doctors, construction workers,

politicians and even astronauts. I think that’s great. But it must be

a real bummer when these women realize they will only earn a portion

of what their male counterparts make.

When it comes right down to it, there are distinct differences

between males and females, and that is evident with high-school-aged

boys and girls.

There was an incident that occurred on Friday that clearly

illustrated one of the differences.

The Providence High softball team was scheduled to take part in an

early afternoon CIF Southern Section Division VI playoff game at

Capistrano Saddleback Valley Christian. The only problem was the

school’s senior prom was scheduled for the same evening.

Despite a concerted effort by the team and the Providence

administration to get the game rescheduled for Thursday or even

Saturday, Valley Christian wouldn’t give in, and the contest was on

for Friday.

That left some Pioneer players with a dilemma. A handful of girls

already had plans for the prom, and taking part in the game wouldn’t

give them enough time to get back home and get ready for their big

event.

So the players had to decide between the playoff game and the

prom.

They chose the prom.

With the players missing, Providence fell to the No. 1 seed, 9-0.

Missing the game was two senior starters who have spent years with

the program. The playoff game would probably been the final softball

game of their careers.

I don’t see why the girls couldn’t attend the game and make it to

the prom if not on time, maybe a little late. I guess they needed the

four, five or more hours it takes to get prepared to the prom. It

probably takes a long time to get their hair done in a Beehive, or

Bouffant, or whatever they wear these days.

And then there’s the time for putting on their makeup. Most of the

gals spackle enough face paint to fill all the dents in the quarter

panel of by 1979 T-top Firebird.

(By the way, if you see me tooling around Burbank in my primo

ride, say hi. I won’t be too hard to spot. I usually wear my black

leather driving gloves and my maroon Member’s Only jacket. My car is

the one with the big Firebird emblem on the hood, and a bumper

sticker that says “no fat chicks.”)

The decision by the Pioneer softball players to forgo their

playoff game for the prom could only happen with a girls’ team. I

just don’t see local high school baseball players coming to the same

decision if they were faced with the identical situation.

Guys are just different.

Along with their wedding, girls dream about going to their prom

from the time they are old enough to say “Do I look fat in this

dress?” They dream about getting some beautiful dress, getting some

beautiful shoes, getting a stretch limo and getting some handsome boy

to take them to the gala.

Boys just dream of getting some.

Guys grow up thinking about things like hitting the game-winning

home run in the bottom of the ninth inning in the seventh game of the

World Series.

Guys dream about going skydiving, getting blown off course and

landing in the middle of the Playboy Mansion during a Playmate-only,

clothing-optional pool party.

Guys dream about the McRib being put on McDonald’s permanent menu,

not just for a limited time only.

Is it too much to ask that women to act more like men? Although it

might lead to a world with less proms and more Ultimate Fighting

Championships, it would probably benefit us all.

Wow. Now that I’ve gotten that all out, I feel so much better.

And remember: Gender equality is a great thing, as long as it’s

left up to the men.

Thanks again Jeff, this has really been fun. I look forward to

your farewell column.

* All comments, angry rants and requests for the sports’ editor’s

head can be directed at an understanding JEFF TULLY at 843-8700 or by

e-mail at jeff.tully@latimes.com.