Horror movie ‘Wax’ is really pathetic

There is no logical reason to see the new film “House of Wax” in the

theater, but unfortunately, many people don’t possess logic.

“House of Wax” is a horror movie about a group of college students

stranded in an abandoned town whose only inhabitants are crazy twin

brothers.

The brothers plan to mold the kids into wax figures for their wax

museum.

“House of Wax” is based very loosely on the 1953 3-D movie

starring Vincent Price. The only connection to the classic and the

current release is the fact that one of the brothers is named

Vincent.

The biggest problem with “House of Wax” is that it’s not scary.

The first 30 minutes of the movie dissolve like a slow-burning

candle, and all the audience is left with is lots of setup and no

payoff.

The sad part, somewhere in this movie, is a movie. The idea of

turning real humans into wax statues is uniquely creepy, but all you

get with “House of Wax” is a second-rate slasher flick.

Paris Hilton co-stars and actually does a decent job, but the

filmmakers couldn’t resist poking fun at her homemade Internet

movies.

The film’s look is very dark, and it’s difficult to make out

what’s happening in many key scenes.

One upside to the production is the music, which adds to the

suspense.

I enjoy horror movies, and I grew up with characters like Freddy

Krueger, but the producers blew a chance to create new villains for

the popular horror genre.

The brothers have no screen presence, and the one brother who does

have dialogue only gets to mutter and scream profanities and threats.

A couple of witty one-liners wouldn’t have hurt.

Scary films are excellent date movies, but my plan backfired when

my date got up and left her seat halfway through the film. Being the

professional journalist that I am, I didn’t go chasing after her.

I’m not sure if she was disgusted with the movie or my company.

In summary: Unless you enjoy melting away your money on bad

entertainment, avoid this “House” at all costs.

* MATT BELLNER of Burbank is a screenwriter/thespian.