A WORD, PLEASE:

It’s been too long since I’ve done a mailbag column. How do I know? My first clue was right in the old mailbag: “Have you considered writing a column featuring readers’ questions?” asks Sharon McRee.

Clearly, I’m overdue.

She writes: “I’d be interested in reading your observations about which errors of grammar most of us still agree are wrong.” Specifically, Sharon wants to know about “ain’t” as well as conjugation issues like “he don’t” and “they’s going.” Her other poignant examples include “there’s eight of them” and “less calories.”

It’s a fascinating question.

A lot of people seem to think that the language achieved a state of perfection sometime in the early 1950s and every change since is an abomination. That’s just not so. The rules of grammar and usage are constantly evolving. In fact, show me a moment in time when the language was “perfect,” and I’ll show you a language that is the result of previous generations’ errors.

That’s why we no longer talk like Shakespeare.

Also, language rules are decided not by a government body or a single expert or even by the dictionary makers. You and I make the rules. The written rules are all really just a reflection of the choices we all make every day. When enough people use “blog,” lexicographers put it in dictionaries and thus sanction the new word. When we stop putting commas before the word “too,” it becomes an accepted choice, and eventually stylebooks take notice.

Sharon’s question wades into those murky waters. How do most of us feel about these usage issues?

As I can’t survey every English speaker, I can only guess. And here I go.

“Ain’t” isn’t wrong. But it sure isn’t beloved, either. It’s in the dictionary, but with some serious disclaimers: “Webster’s New World College Dictionary” not only says it’s “informal,” but it also throws in the terms “dialectical” and “nonstandard.” Even that doesn’t capture it. “Ain’t” isn’t just a disliked usage. It’s the disliked usage. It’s iconic. To many, it’s the quintessential example of how proper young ladies and gentlemen should not speak.

It’s also extremely political. That’s what “Webster’s” is both alluding to and dancing around with the term dialectical.”

For millions of people, especially in the South, “ain’t” is standard. In a lot of circles, you’d sound weird if you didn’t use it. But, among English teachers, business professionals and people who claim to care about grammar, “ain’t” is the ultimate verbum non grata.

Uses like “he don’t” and “they’s going” are also dialectical, but they’re easier to put in perspective. English verb conjugations are straightforward. The third-person singular pronoun “he” takes the third-person singular conjugation in “doesn’t.” The third-person plural “they” takes a verb conjugated for the third-person plural, “are.” So “they’s,” presumably a contraction of “they” and “is,” and “he don’t” are ungrammatical.

But “ungrammatical” isn’t exactly the same as “wrong.” Ungrammatical structures are widely accepted throughout the language. Think for a moment about “throw up,” a transitive verb paired not with an object but with an adverb, and you’ll see what I mean.

These uses are common in what grammar books call “nonstandard English,” but even “ain’t” has more supporters.

As for “there’s eight of them,” this is becoming standard, though I personally hate it. I prefer “there are eight of them.” “Less calories” is fuzzier. Yes, “fewer” is better for plural things while “less” is better for singular things. But if you took that too seriously, you’d have to say that boiled spinach has fewer calories than fresh spinach even though “less” captures it better.

My favorite thing about Sharon’s question is that it reflects something that, when talking about grammar, we too often lose sight of: Remember your audience.

?JUNE CASAGRANDE is author of “Mortal Syntax: 101 Language Choices That Will Get You Clobbered by the Grammar Snobs – Even If You’re Right.” She can be reached at JuneTCN@ aol.com.