Commentary: CdM made decisions with health of students in mind

News goes viral contingent on its ability to resonate and relevancy — or its sexy and salacious nature.

In the case of Corona del Mar High School last week, it was both. Corona del Mar High made national headlines when the flames of bad decisions, fueled by winds of rivalry-game emotion, parental enablement and typical teenage tendencies became the perfect storm. The Friday night football stadium became a metaphor for the pervasive and strongly avoided topic of parental enablement and teenage alcohol consumption.

The details surrounding Sept.16 have been thrown around in a giant game of telephone, similar to an unlucky surfer pounded by surf and scathed by sand. The student fan behavior at the football game was bad, in most ways, and public, in all ways.

The details aren’t really relevant, so much as the dialogue it has created. Some questions: Why did our teenagers consume alcohol? Why so many? Why so much? Where did they get it? Who let them drink it? And why is any of this communally appropriate?

Yes, many teenagers will inevitably dabble in the world of substances. But when did it become so brazen? So accepted? Why would we allow our children to risk their lives with our blessing?

As quickly as the game left a shell-shocked Newport Beach community in its wake, so too came the steady stream of presumptuous, hateful and overly simplified criticisms of Corona del Mar High School administrators, students and their parents.

Predominantly hiding behind the safety and anonymity on online comment sections, outsiders have vexed ill-informed, factually devoid judgments, with laser-like focus onto a community that has endured its fair share of challenges not atypical to other schools nationwide.

Ethically, I must first clarify some misconceptions of our community. I’ll begin with the “spoiled and entitled rich-kids.” In reality, the students at Corona del Mar High School are overwhelmingly gracious, polite, articulate, driven and kind.

And their “horrible parents”? They are actually quite amazing, highly successful, largely humble, exceedingly generous and supportive people. Yes, on Sept.16 many of them made poor choices in a very public way; and many of them need to make better choices in the future. However, in no way will Corona del Mar High School or its community be permanently pigeonholed or defined by these mistakes.

High school administrators (like it or not) are metaphorical and legal parents to their students. In loco parentis establishes the legal and educational parental relationship between administrators and students. When translated, in loco parentis reads in place of the parent. In short, schools are charged with the mission to protect and ensure the safety of children, actions in direct conflict with those who enable or turn a blind eye to reckless teenage behaviors.

Engaging in active and responsible parenting isn’t easy. It’s messy; it’s painful; it’s lonely. It’s a seemingly protracted investment with high risk and low yield. At times, it becomes ripe with conflict, and often easier not to do, than do.

But guiding children through this world is also incredibly rewarding, transformative and humbling. The engagement and responsible parenting of teens centers on big-picture and forward thinking, and pays little attention to being liked or understood in the immediacy.

In response to the events of Sept.16, CdM administration canceled upcoming homecoming festivities. Lesser known is that they also provided students with cutting edge interventions and support via a nonprofit, One Recovery, which is largely funded by our parent community.

The decision was met with a variety of opinions, but regardless, it was made with the long-term health and safety of our students, our children, in mind. Sometimes a coach takes a “20,” a toddler is placed in timeout, a teen’s phone is taken — all measures used to create pause, gather thoughts, assess actions and drive opportunities for dialogue and reflection.

The response was significant but easy. It was made in stride with the many parents who work tirelessly to actively and responsibly parent their children. They make tough, unpopular decisions everyday. Not to be liked. Not to be cool. Not to be a friend.

But to keep their children safe, healthy, vibrant and ultimately, successful. Our decision, like the decisions of present parents, was made with love. Tough love, after all, is still love.

--

DANIEL PATTERSON is the assistant principal at Corona del Mar High School.