Commentary: To the class of 2018: Start your daily list with the words ‘Be grateful’

I’ve probably wanted to make a graduation speech ever since Mary Stone was selected valedictorian and stood up there at the Greek Theatre in her black gown with red sash and gave her speech.

It was wonderful and I was envious. So a couple of years ago I wrote what I would want to say to the high school class of 2016 if they were ever dumb enough to invite me, and I suggested that they “Be curious.”

Last year, in my “pretend speech,” I implored the class of 2017 to “Save the world.”

This year my imaginary speech to 2018 graduates is “Make lists and be grateful.” These messages are not as boring as they sound.

When I had breast cancer about 25 years ago, the woman who was taking care of my mother gave me a gift that her mother had sent to me from Mexico — a wooden crucifix. I never used it as a crucifix; I used the beads.

The beads were my list (which I later wrote).

Every morning before I got up and looked at my completely bald head in the mirror, I lay in bed and counted everything I could think of to be grateful for. I always included the family first, of course, friends and especially my doctor.

Then I started on the other stuff; some a little crazy: my computer, my bed, my comforter, the TV in the bedroom, the sunny deck, Jello, my books, “Rosanne” every day on Channel 5, the person who invented computer solitaire, tennis balls that can be used to squeeze.

Paula Rizzo writes that list-making gives you a sense of control. To put it out of your head and onto paper takes away a lot of stress. A friend of mine once put breathing first on her list. She tends to make pretty easy lists.

Rizzo’s mother puts “Go to bed” at the end of her lists.

You can even make a bucket list. I don’t care what the movies say, it isn’t just for old people.

And for God’s sake make the first thing on your list to “Be grateful.” Not just for your parents, and when I say parents I mean the people who have raised you. You know, the ones who have given up their time, their vacations, their money, their plans and their emotions.

Let’s talk for a minute about those emotions — the ones you don’t know about. The times they have literally hurt for you and about you. The nights and days when what you have done or what has been done to you has left them barely conscious.

They have hurt for you more than you have ever hurt for yourself. Kids bounce back, parents can be like the walking dead for days and weeks.

You will never know until you have kids and then in those awful days, and there will be some, I want you to think back at the people who loved you that much.

In J.D. Salinger’s classic book “Franny and Zooey,” Franny is having a breakdown and has been lying on the couch for days in the Glass family’s New York apartment repeating the “Jesus Prayer.” Bessie, her mother, has been doing exactly what Bessie does best — worry and make chicken soup, which Franny has been pretty rude about eating.

Zooey, her brother, calls Franny pretending to be her other brother, and says, “I’ll tell you one thing, Franny. One thing I know, And don’t get upset. It isn’t anything bad. But if it’s the religious life you want, you ought to know right now that you’re missing out on every single (G&#D%-) religious action that’s going on around this house. You don’t even have sense enough to drink when somebody brings you a cup of consecrated chicken soup — which is the only kind of chicken soup Bessie ever brings to anybody around this madhouse.”

You graduates of 2018, metaphorical chicken soup has been made for you over and over thousands of times by your people.

So when you go home after this, and before tonight when you are going to have a great time and make memories, right before you go off to your future, sit down and write a list to those people who have given you whole bowls full of “Consecrated Chicken Soup” and be massively grateful.

Think about it a lot.

Just do it. And remember to begin every list you make with “Be grateful.” End every list with “Go to bed.” And remember to deliver your brand of “Consecrated Chicken Soup” every time you have the chance.

SANDY ASPER lives in Newport Beach.