Virgen: Leaf tells his story to CdM students

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ometimes teenagers can ask the most poignant questions. Ryan Leaf was made aware of that during his intimate speaking to a small group of students and parents at Corona del Mar High on Thursday night.

Leaf shared his remarkable story of being in the spotlight, to falling into despair, to crashing into an NFL bust, to succumbing to an addiction to vicodin, to a suicide attempt, to waking up on a jailhouse floor, but then somehow finding recovery.

Leaf said he drove from Los Angeles to Corona del Mar to tell his story with the hopes he can help those who are battling drug addiction.

He also answered questions, the majority of them coming from students.

One of them asked: “What’s it been like watching Peyton Manning’s career, from the debate of who was better [when you were in the NFL Draft], and then him winning this Super Bowl and riding off into the sunset? And he’s the leader in so many different categories?”

“I’m proud of him,” Leaf said. “He’s a good friend. He wrote me when I was in prison. That’s the kind of person he is … He worked really hard for [his success]. I was more talented than him. He just worked harder than I did.”

It would be simple to say that Manning and Leaf are on opposite ends of the spectrum. But in reality, Leaf hasn’t accepted defeat, in life at least.

Sure, he was an NFL bust of a monumental proportion. But he won’t let his life be defined by that. He’s now a vessel, he says, someone who is willing to help others with the same type of struggles he endured.

Football is a great game. Those who are passionate about the sport know all the good that it can bring.

But overall, Leaf has a different opinion about the sport that has become America’s favorite.

“Football is silly,” he told those in attendance, including his former agent Leigh Steinberg, who battled alcohol addiction and has made a comeback.

The game being silly to Leaf isn’t so much a result of failure. The feeling comes from his experience that he put so much of himself into the game. Rather, he let it consume him. During that time, he confessed, he never really found himself.

“I’m a recovering drug addict,” Leaf said to begin his story. “I tell people that I was an addict long before I ever took a drug. That helps resonate with young adults.”

Leaf said before he longed for vicodin, his high came from competition. He also had behaviors that helped him fulfill his high, he said. He was overwhelmingly defensive and judgmental, he said, and he was narcissistic. He still battles with those behaviors, he said, including the desire to lie, but he claims his want for drugs is gone.

During his short time at CdM on Thursday night it was easy to see that Leaf is at peace. Somehow.

Maybe it took humbling. Or hitting his bottom when waking up on the jailhouse floor, but Leaf believes he has truly found himself.

Of course, he never set out to become a drug recovery program ambassador, basically telling others, “don’t be like me,” but it’s as if he’s taken on this new role like it fits and makes sense.

“It’s a flexible job,” Leaf said. “I get to play a lot of golf. I get to be with my family. It’s been super peaceful and non chaotic.”

Leaf, a Program Ambassador for Transcend Recovery Community, was at CdM on behalf of One Recovery, a new program that seeks to inspire students whether they are struggling with substances, depression or just everday life.

Having Leaf as the speaker on Thursday also attracted CdM football players.

They all wanted to hear Leaf’s story and ask questions.

Someone asked if Leaf has ever tried to reach out to Johnny Manziel, the troubled quarterback who was released by the Cleveland Browns on Friday.

Leaf said that he has, but maybe Manziel will need to hit his rock bottom before he can recover.

Addicts must be willing to ask for help, Leaf said. Leaf finally asked for help and recovered through finding out more about himself.

“It’s sad,” Leaf said of Manziel. “My sponsor who is kind of like my life coach, he said we are the lighthouse and [people who need help] are the boats. Lighthouses don’t go around looking for the boats. We have the light.”

Leaf wants to remain with the light.