Bar patrons lukewarm on first debate

Alex Coolman

NEWPORT BEACH -- Political theorists thinking there wasn’t enough

bloodshed in Tuesday night’s presidential debate are wrong: they just

didn’t make it to Yankee Tavern to watch the carnage.

As George W. Bush and Al Gore, done up in identical red ties and dark

suits, sound-bit their way through their first presidential debate, bar

patrons at the Yankee Tavern in Newport Beach were glued to the

television.

And if mellow debate moderator Jim Lehrer didn’t manage to reveal

anything particularly provocative about Republican contender Bush or

Democrat nominee Gore, that was OK with the people sitting on the stools.

They had just about made up their minds by the time the candidates

started speaking.

“They look alike!” exclaimed Newport Beach resident Kim Jay, glaring

at Gore’s apple-red cheeks and Bush’s love-me grins. “They don’t even

have their own identity. Everybody sees through this image they’re trying

to portray.”

On screen, the candidates went back and forth about health care, about

the newly approved abortion pill RU-486, about military intervention and

charter schools.

Gore smirked and pointed, and Bush mentioned something about the Vice

President’s “fuzzy math.”

“He’s already said that three times,” Jay pointed out.

“I swear! Where is Ralph Nader when you need him? Where is Ralph. I’d

like to see him have a fair shot,” roared Newport resident Mike Stevens.

The sentiment was one that resonated with the gallery members, none of

whom appeared won over by the candidates’ promises of campaign finance

reform.

“There’s other candidates out there that are not getting heard,” said

Nevada resident Bill Spano. “There’s something to be said for these

people. If you’re going to have a presidential debate, you ought to have

all five of them in there, not just the biggest ones because they have

the most money.”

As the debate drew to a close, Bush reiterated his key sound bite

about leadership. Gore responded with his own exceedingly earnest claim

to be a friend to the middle class. The gallery grew restless beneath the

waves of bland rhetoric.

And the final verdict? It was every bit as nuanced as the analysis

that had preceded it.

Newport resident Richard Murtaugh was not impressed with Gore.

“The other guy won,” he concluded.