Problem is deciding which god to use in council’s invocation

At the last meeting of the Crescenta Valley Town Council, I

requested a council member make the motion that all invocations

(which are required under the council’s bylaws) be nonreligious. I am

an alternate member and therefore cannot make a motion or vote unless

I am replacing an absent member.

The motion was made, seconded, and then discussed at length. It

was defeated 6-2, with one abstention.

My complaint about the invocations is that I am an atheist. I

don’t like religion foisted upon me at government meetings.

Invocations are unavoidably divisive, as they select one religion

over another, or none. I am offended by the projected image that my

governmental body is somehow endorsing a religious belief.

I’m aware of the U.S. Supreme Court decision from 1983 in Marsh

vs. Chambers, which held that the invocations of the Nebraska

Legislature were constitutionally permissible. But so was the concept

of “separate but equal” prior to Brown vs. Board of Education. The

fact is that Marsh was a very peculiar bit of reasoning. As Justice

Brennan stated in his dissent, “If the Court were to judge

legislative prayer through the unsentimental eye of our settled

doctrine, it would have to strike it down as a clear violation of the

Establishment Clause.” It should also be noted that there is nothing

in the law that requires an invocation be religious.

In any event, in what I believe was an effort to be fair and

accommodate my concerns, it was suggested by a member that

invocations be rotated among the members and alternate members and

that I be given a chance to present one. After all, there are 12 of

us and 12 months, a perfect fit.

So I got to wondering: What would I do with my month? And I was

struck immediately by the following question: Who does an atheist

invoke?

My first thought was the bones of Nietzsche -- you know, God is

dead, all that stuff. Or perhaps Sartre -- recite a sentence or two

from “Being and Nothingness.” Something uplifting.

Now, of course, the traditional answer for invocations is God. But

which God? I asked. I suppose as a Jew I would have no choice but the

God of Abraham, who was intolerant of others praying to idols.

So I considered other possibilities. There’s Jesus -- yikes! That

one’s out. Nice Jewish boy, but Messiah? No way. Nuh uh. Couldn’t

have happened. How many times did I hear that at Saturday school?

So who else? Well, I decided to let loose. We’ve got Allah,

Vishnu, Krishna, Mother Earth, Thor, Zeus, Poseidon. How about Satan?

We can’t forget him. Or Bokonon -- remember Kurt Vonnegut? And what

about all those African tribal gods? There are tons of them, as I

recall. Maybe one of them would fit the bill, or all of them.

But then I got to thinking about my three favorites: Santa Claus,

the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I just couldn’t decide.

Have I offended anyone yet?

You might believe I am doing the same thing I decry:

proselytizing. But there is a difference. This is a newspaper, not a

government meeting. You don’t have to read this. But if you want to

participate in government in La Crescenta, either as an official or a

concerned citizen, you are forced to suffer an invocation. You are

part of a captive audience.

Still offended? Well, in the words of that great theologian, John

Belushi, “EXCUUUUSE ME!” Which gives me an idea. How’s this for the

start of an invocation: “Cheeburger Cheeburger Cheeburger ...”

No, I will not offend, not at a government meeting. I know I

warned my fellow members I would if given the opportunity, but I

recant. I spoke from anger, and I was wrong.

I have composed my invocation. It is as follows: “Members of the

Crescenta Valley Town Council, just do your job.”

SCOTT B. SOLIS

La Crescenta