A simple flirt can lead to hurt

KIMBERLIE ZAKARIAN

Are you a flirt? A few of Webster’s Dictionary definitions of flirt

are: “one who trifles at love; toying with love; a person who plays

at love.”

From a Christian perspective, these definitions do not make

flirting seem very innocent. I have never been comfortable around

people who are particularly flirtatious.

I do not appreciate being flirted with, nor do I flirt with men

(besides my husband, of course). Even as an unmarried young woman,

prior to giving my life complete- ly to God, I always had respect for

marriage and never flirted with married men. I was, and still am, a

woman I pray other women trust.

I recently officiated at a wedding where a young man was overly

flirtatious with me. I was a bit shocked, as my husband was in

attendance with me. I was politely cool to his smooth words, not a

bit impressed by them. In fact, I was not flattered at all. When a

man flirts with me, especially in the company of my husband, I find

it completely offensive.

When we look at the above definitions of flirt, we might find an

entirely new take on its meaning. We should not display romantic love

to anyone other than our spouse. To play at love is absolutely wrong.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:28-29 that to even look at another

lustfully is a sin. I believe when we are led to flirt, it is because

we are attracted in some way to that human being.

If we are married -- or they are married -- and we take that

attraction a step further and flirt, we are, in fact, flirting with

sin.

Now, of course, we can be friendly and loving to others. But as

husbands and wives, we do need to keep our eyes open and caution our

spouse if we notice someone flirtatious around. It is our job to put

out discernment, which I call “feelers,” and to use them to sense and

protect our marriages against anything or anyone who could be a

threat.

There once was a woman in our church who was overly forthcoming

with some of the men. I warned my husband and he steered clear of her

when she became too friendly. My wifely feelers were accurate: This

woman ended up having numerous affairs, and her marriage eventually

broke up.

Think flirting is harmless? When it comes to your marriage, or

someone else’s, I do not. Flirting can hurt the feelings of another’s

spouse. It puts a wedge of division between people (individuals do

not want to be around someone who flirts with their partner), and it

can lead to sin.

So let’s all exhibit kindness and be warm and gracious to each

other, but respectful when it comes to flirting. Do so only with your

spouse and abstain if you are tempted to flirt with another person’s

partner. Think about how you would feel if someone flirted with your

husband or wife. As Christians, we should not “toy with love,” not

ours and not someone else’s.

* THE REV. KIMBERLIE ZAKARIAN’S column runs alternating Fridays.

Contact her by e-mail at HolyHouse9@aol.com; or by mail at Holy House

Ministries c/o the Rev. Kimberlie Zakarian, 9641 Tujunga Canyon Blvd., Tujunga, CA 91042.