Former wife looks back at marriage

In my last column, I addressed the issue of remaining friends after divorce for the sake of the children. I interviewed Greg Perkins of La Crescenta, who gave me his opinion on why he and his ex-wife, Judy, divorced more than 15 years ago. While we know that divorce is not God’s plan, we also know that it does indeed take place, even between Christians.

This past week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Judy Perkins, Greg’s ex-wife. In sharing her side of the divorce today, I pray someone will be helped.

When interviewing Judy, she agreed with Greg’s opinion as to the root of their particular divorce. She said it was a lack of communication that led to her emotional needs not being met.

Judy explained that she and Greg married very young and began having children right away. She had two sons close together and found herself in a family with three men. As her boys grew up, she noticed that they did not need mom as much. Consequently, Greg and the boys were busy a lot of the time. She found herself coming home from work and eating and watching television alone.

Because Judy came from a family where she was not taught to communicate, somehow she and Greg did not connect. This led to her feelings of loneliness, and finally desperation to be heard. She eventually left the marriage out of emotional survival when a temptation presented itself.

Looking back on her divorce, Judy had two thoughts. First, she has felt tremendous guilt over the years about leaving her boys. Judy believes that if a woman is leaving for another man, there is a chance to win her back. She knew Greg was praying for the restitution of the marriage. She believes that there is hope when a woman leaves. The other thought she has had over time is that adolescents need to be taught how to communicate. Being a high school teacher for 23 years, she believes a class should be mandatory for seniors about the difference between how the genders communicate; how they send and receive messages. A life-changing book for her was, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” by John Gray, Ph.D.

Keeping the children’s life change to a minimum during divorce and working with and supporting their other parent are crucial to the health and development of innocent children. I applaud Greg and Judy Perkins for doing the right thing as self-sacrificing adults for their children. They are an example of making the best out of one of life’s most stressful events.

In speaking with them both, I know they felt God was with them as individuals through the entire process. God promises to never leave us nor forsake us (Holy Bible, Deuteronomy 31:6). As they look back on their experience, I believe that both of them would have chosen to stay together as the best option had it been possible.

Judy said that at the center of marriage problems there is right, wrong and then hurt.

If you find yourself in the midst of a separation or divorce, I pray that you will think upon those who have gone before you: is there anyway to reconcile? Whatever the outcome, pray for God’s grace for your children and I pray you will be inspired by a model of two Christian individuals who did not allow bitterness to destroy a friendship united to raise their children.

* The Rev. KIMBERLIE ZAKARIAN’S column runs alternating Fridays. Reach her by e-mail at holyhouse9aol.comor by mail at Holy House Ministries c/o the Rev. Kimberlie Zakarian, 9641 Tujunga Canyon Blvd., Tujunga, CA 91042.

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