In Theory: Can we raise children not to covet?

The 10th Commandment says, “You shall not covet,” but in this day of almost 24-hour exposure to advertising, it’s becoming increasingly difficult not to covet the things you want, or the things you think you want — especially if you’re a child.

A 1999 study concluded that “[Y]oung children — younger than 8 years — are cognitively and psychologically defenseless against advertising.” On average, a child in America will see around 20,000 TV commercials a year — 55 per day. Add billboards, magazines and the Internet and the figure rises to 3,000 advertisements a day.

Children have long been seen as a target for advertisers: In 1983, companies spent $100 million advertising to children; by 2009, that figure had risen to $17 billion. Kids aged 8-12 have a huge influence over their parents and are responsible for them spending around $150 billion a year. And it’s not just commercials that are holding sway over children: the Disney Channel, for example, has been criticized for being little more than a day-long advertisement for the company’s products and stars.

The Federal Trade Commission studied the effect of TV commercials on children in the 1970s but concluded that banning them would be impractical. Other countries have taken measures: Since 1991, Sweden has banned all TV advertising aimed at children under the age of 12, even trimming some shows it feels contain stealth marketing, such as the jingle, “Gotta catch ‘em all!” that ends Pokemon cartoons. Norway, Greece and Belgium have similar rules, and the U.K. banned ads for junk food in 2008.

Given the ubiquity of advertising and its effects on children, is it possible to raise a child to not covet when they’re surrounded by messages specifically designed to make them do just that?

Coveting, of course, is more than just wanting something for yourself; it involves other people, and it’s more like, “you have something I want, therefore I hate you and you have to die.” Its prohibition is a commandment because it leads, on the public end of the scale, to corruption, political treachery and military acquisitiveness. And on the personal end of the scale, it produces overall bitterness and resentment toward the world, an attitude of victimization for the good things that never got handed to us, and a stingy meanness that can’t bring itself to be glad for another person’s gladness.

But in honor of the shopping season, we’ll go with the theme of greed, children and advertising.

And the solution to that problem seems obvious. Even I, political and economic simpleton that I am, know the answer to this one. If you want to see fewer advertisements for things, stop buying the things that are advertised.

The only reason that advertising that targets children has increased by such insane proportions in the last few decades is that it worked; people bought the things that were advertised. And children aren’t the ones with the credit cards, folks.

Yes, I know, it’s hard when their little faces are so eager, when it seems that their whole world and reputation hangs in the balance of having the latest Shiny New Thing.

Buck up. Say no. Be the parent.

Parents already know how to do everything we columnists could advise them to do: limit TV watching and Internet use; negotiate for a few well-chosen new gifts, rather than an indiscriminate collection of every toy with a good marketing campaign; teach and model generosity, service, and other-centeredness instead of self-centeredness; give more stuff away than you buy; do good deeds for people in need, as a family.

I know it would help to live someplace where the government worked with, rather than against, good parenting; and we could all lobby for that. But in the meantime, go ahead and do the good parenting. Teach your kids to avoid commercialism by, you know, avoiding commercialism.

The Rev. Amy Pringle

St. George’s Episcopal Church

La Cañada Flintridge

Children in our society are a major target of the relentless consumer advertising that is being carried out day in and day out. It would be wise for us here in the United States to look more closely at which advertising is acceptable and which advertising should be controlled and reduced. As the study by the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2006 explained, children under 8 years old are cognitively and psychologically defenseless against advertising. So, it seems important that advertising targeted to 8 year olds and under should be restricted.

All of us covert some things we do not have. Humans are born needing many things in the world. It is a part of our nature to need and covert things around us. The important goal for everyone should be to make wise decisions regarding what we need so that we live together in harmony. Responsible adults should be in charge of protecting young people from challenges beyond their understanding. When young people can understand advertising and make their own decisions, then they should be allowed to use their own judgments.

Children often grow up to reflect the society they are raised in. This society is filled with covetousness, greed and unnecessary desires. But young people and adults can be taught to value making the right choices in their lives. So while difficult, it is possible to raise children who can make healthy choices.

Steven Gibson

South Pasadena Atheist Meetup

Altadena

I must begin by saying that I do not believe coveting is the same as acting on that covetousness. We all see things that we like and might want to have. But we do not then use any means at our disposal to get those things, particularly if they belong to someone else.

I would love to have a great deal of wealth in order to be more philanthropic to those groups and causes that I am passionate about. That does not mean that I covet great riches for myself or that I would gather money through immoral schemes to support my desires. Wishing to have things to make us more comfortable is also a natural human desire; gathering an excess of things beyond what we really need is an example of greed, not just coveting.

So I believe that banning the advertising of certain products for children, as they have done in some other countries, will not guarantee universal control of consumerism, and will ultimately be self-defeating. Parents and other adults are the keys to teaching children about a responsible use of money and the acquisition of possessions. So we would really need to cut out advertising for all age groups to have a truly positive effect — an unlikely prospect.

The best things in life are not costly items. They include compassion, optimism and spirituality, to name a few. My concern is that children today are learning about excessive consumption from adults. Parents and others need to set good examples of self-control for children if they expect them to act in positive ways about their possessions. Just because a child wants something does not mean that she or he should have it.

Finally, clergy and people in religious communities can support parents and children in understanding what is truly valuable in life. We need to encourage children through education and compassionate example to find what they are being called to be and do. During this holiday season and beyond, we people of faith and goodwill should be inspired to live with integrity for our children and ourselves. In that way, we can move into the New Year with hope and blessings.

The Rev. Dr. Betty Stapleford

Unitarian Universalist Church of the Verdugo Hills

La Crescenta

What an appropriate question, given the season. I have to admit the same pressure most parents feel at this time, with kids having expectations for certain items on their gift lists to manifest under a tree come the big morning. It’s not visions of sugar-plums dancing in their heads, but Xboxes and bigger-ticket items that make parents sweat in this economy; parents who desperately want to grant Christmas wishes.

There is no sin in desiring something good, or wishing for particular toys; but it does seem that kids judge their worth by the quantity of possessions they share in common with their peers. Perhaps the dipping economy has a bright side in that it forces us to tighten the family belt and teach the lessons of thrift, need versus greed, and being grateful for greater, less tangible things. I hope that every child can enjoy something they really desire, but I agree that we need to do something to tone down their acquisitive impulses.

When I was a kid, I remember the Woodsy Owl public service announcement jingle that stuck with me and really molded my attitude toward pollution. Today, I don’t throw trash out my car window, and I am most perturbed when less conscientious people do. Perhaps they missed the daily message. What if we did a similar thing with regard to belongings? Make a catchy service announcement with required airing midway between any shows directed at children. They can hear all the same commercials, but then they get reminded to be grateful for what they have, and that toy-lust is an unattractive quality, like trash thrown on the ground.

Another thing: Adults have to lead by example. If we’re living like we believe the one who dies with the most toys wins, what chance do kids have? By the way, this conversation is based upon the Tenth Commandment. Apart from God’s directive, why should anyone think covetousness is wrong? So, the best thing we can do is to emphasize God’s gift to mankind, the savior born in Bethlehem. Receive that gift, and all else pales by comparison.

The Rev. Bryan Griem

Montrose Community Church

Montrose

It is human nature to covet. That is why the Lord gave to Moses, as the 10th and final commandment, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s” (Exodus 20:17).

Advertising is a means to exploit human nature, and Madison Avenue has been successful in doing this for years. The targeted demographic age group for prime-time television is 18 to 49; and for Disney, Nickelodeon, and other youth-focused channels and programs it is young and teen children.

I’m troubled by the notion that advertising directed toward children should be censored or limited by government. Rather, I believe that it is the responsibility of parents to guide, teach and monitor their children, and to be examples to them. Too often, we turn to government to fulfill the duties that should be performed by parents. If television advertising is presenting problems, parents should turn off the television. Unfortunately, parents are too often themselves caught up in coveting material goods and succumbing to television advertising.

The Apostle Paul warned, “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” (1 Timothy 6:10). Jesus taught, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).

Our charge and challenge is to follow God’s commands. They exist to help us overcome our human nature and become more Christ-like. This may sound simplistic, but it is true.

Rick Callister

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

La Cañada

In our culture, covetousness is seen as a more tolerable sin than others, such as violence or substance abuse. But the fact that God prohibits it in the basic Ten Commandments underscores the fact that covetousness is as destructive to souls and societies as other more visible sins. Because covetousness is more tolerable to us, we permit its promotion in things like commercials aimed at kids. Imagine commercials encouraging kids to drink beer. So parents concerned about their children’s godliness have an extra hurdle to jump in America.

Can we raise our children not to covet? Yes, in the same way we can raise them not to engage in other socially promoted sins like drinking and drug use, or sexual activity before marriage, or abortion as the solution to unexpected pregnancies. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” That way is according to God’s word, the Bible. “[God] has granted to us his precious and magnificent promises, in order that by them, you might become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust” (2 Peter 1:4). So a combination of constant reinforcement of biblical truth and our consistent personal examples of restraint and charity, and a healthy daily dose of prayer for our children, will do much to help them be content and not covetous in a commercial culture.

Pastor Jon Barta

Valley Baptist Church

Burbank

It is completely possible, given resolve and critical thinking by parents who model these behaviors and apply them to set and enforce rules for TV consumption. If your family life — and the obvious first rule is that most of that life be spent in activities away from a glowing screen — reflects the good values you as parents seek to transmit, a little TV won’t exert undue influence.

I dare say that families who are comfortable with challenging generally accepted beliefs, including religion, might be ahead of the game in limiting TV consumption, and probably are more likely to be critical of media content when they do watch.

Very young children should not be plunked down in front of TV at all. And yes, we’ve all used the “blatting box that rots your mind” (my late father’s terminology) as a baby-sitter at times, but the key here is “at times,” not all the time.

We addressed the question of media influence on children in a previous In Theory (“Does TV glorify sex for teens,” January 12, 2011). My philosophy is still the same: Whose TV? Mom and Dad’s TV.

Limiting exposure to ads is easy; the DVR’s fast-forward and the mute button are right there, the parents’ friends. When our girls were little, they were surprised that other families even watched the commercials, let alone with the sound on. As I said last January, parents are the ocean, children the fish.

Not to be glib or make it sound simple, but really, it kind of is.

Roberta Medford

Atheist

Montrose

Right — it’s Christmas time, when we all talk about simplifying and spending less, but have a hard time actually doing it. Why is it so hard to turn that ship around when we can see the icebergs right ahead? Many people have already crashed into them with overextended credit and underwater homes. There are so many people without work. And yet advertisers know how to push our buttons of desire, shame and guilt.

So let’s rethink our groupthink around consumption at Christmas. We all need to slow down together.

This process starts in our families. Intentional parents do monitor how much time kids spend in front of screens. They send them outside or put books in their hands. They set aside time for family activities in which kids learn to create and build and cook and fix. They don’t put screens in kids’ bedrooms, where it is difficult to monitor both time and content.

Intentional parents also engage in media literacy with their kids, helping them to understand and engage what they are seeing, as opposed to just soaking it all in.

The challenge of advertising goes way beyond creating children who want stuff, doesn’t it? Ubiquitous advertising also contributes significantly to childhood and adolescent obesity, poor nutrition, and cigarette and alcohol use. If we are not alert to how advertising shapes the brains, bodies and spirits of our children, we risk their long-term health in every way.

Since we live in a country where the right of companies to make money is valued more highly than the health of our children, we as parents, friends, teachers, and pastors of children have to work harder to offer alternative activities and brain food.

I love Christmas. God gives us the one great gift, and because of God’s generosity, we give each other a thousand things to do beside buy presents — things that represent the gifts we really want: acceptance, connection, welcome, grace. What will you take out of the box this Christmas?

The Rev. Paige Eaves

Crescenta Valley

United Methodist

I definitely believe it’s possible to raise a child so that he or she won’t covet junk food or every toy or gadget that’s out there. This is done by effectively “cutting the cord,” getting rid of the TV with its manipulative advertising and its violent shows and glorified depictions of risky behavior. Wholesome educational programming or other shows that are kid-friendly can easily be recorded on a DVR, rented, downloaded via Netflix, or otherwise obtained. There is absolutely no reason to expose a child continuously to the tube — and no reason for a parent to allow a child unsupervised access to modern mass media.

Study after study has shown how television can adversely affect young minds and hamper children’s ability to learn or properly digest information. It’s ironic how parents who are usually so careful to feed their children healthy foods, and who encourage sports and proper exercise, can fall short in their responsibility to know what their children are watching on the TV or computer. When it comes to parents being engaged and informed about the daily viewing habits that are so influential on the development of the young brain, it seems that we are often lacking.

The amount of television watched by an average child in the U.S. is astounding. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, two-thirds of infants and toddlers watch a screen an average of two hours a day, children under age 6 watch an average of about two hours of screen media a day, and kids and teens aged 8 to 18 spend nearly four hours a day in front of a TV screen and almost two additional hours on the computer (outside of schoolwork) and playing video games.

These numbers are frightening. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that children under two years of age should not watch any TV, and those older than that should be limited to a maximum of one to two hours a day of quality programming — not the junk that is readily available on commercial stations.

For the sake of our children and the future scholastic achievement of our country, I truly hope that more parents will come to their senses and drastically, or entirely, limit the quantity of TV their children watch.

Monitoring the quality of that programming is equally important. Part of being a responsible parent in the modern age is being aware of the messages your child is absorbing via TV and computer, and limiting their exposure to unhelpful or unwholesome content.

Rabbi Simcha Backman

Chabad Jewish Center

Glendale