Envious of special driver’s licenses

Where can I get one of those NASCAR-supported driver’s licenses that so many Glendale motorists have? You know, the licenses that allow you to blast past boulevard stop signs, make right turns against the red at traffic lights when barely slowing down, and ripping through residential neighborhoods at near freeway speeds.

Furthermore, I’m told that bike riders with these licenses are not held to the convention of the rules of the road. Boulevard stops can be run through, as well as red lights as long as there’s no threat of cross traffic.

I can hardly wait to get one of these special licenses so I can drive like so many others in Glendale.

D. Trent
La Crescenta