Study abroad teaches independence
The e-mail delivered shocking news.
A student from my son’s university, who was studying abroad this semester in the same European city as my son, had been found dead in his dorm room. The study-abroad program was reaching out to all parents to inform them of the tragedy, which was under investigation but believed to be from “natural causes.” Counselors were available, it said.
I called my son immediately. Hearing the distraught note in my voice, he responded gently. He was OK, he assured me. He too had heard the grim news but he didn’t know the student in question nor any additional details. He promised to call back soon to check in.
I started to think about the horrific phone call that must have been placed to the deceased student’s home, a mom or dad answering and hearing the worst news that any parent could possibly receive. I had to stop myself. I just couldn’t let my mind dwell on that picture.
From the moment we become parents, a powerful instinctual urge to protect our children kicks in. Over the years we slowly loosen our grip and give them more freedom to explore outside their comfort zones, as well as our own. We hope our children remember the lessons we’ve taught them, and when it comes time to release them into the big wild world, whether it’s to attend college or for another stage in their transition to adulthood, we let them go with shaky smiles and silent prayers.
Allowing our kids to study abroad is one of those instances that requires parents take a huge leap of faith. That’s true even for those of us who have strongly encouraged our children to take advantage of this opportunity, and have sacrificed to make the experience a reality for them.
Studying abroad is increasingly popular among American kids. The number of U.S. students studying in foreign countries for academic credit more than doubled over a 15-year period, reaching a record 304,467 in the 2013-14 academic year, according to the Institute of International Education. Given the emphasis on international experience, foreign language skills and academic enrichment in today’s business world, the numbers of students choosing to supplement their educations and burnish their resumes with a stint overseas will likely to continue to swell.
Going to school in an international setting has other benefits. Students develop a broader worldview as a result of being immersed in exotic cultures with unfamiliar customs. They learn practical skills as well, since they have no choice but to figure out how to navigate the mysteries of foreign mass transit systems or feed themselves when there’s no Chronic Taco or In-N-Out Burger just around the corner.
Shortly after my son arrived in Spain in early January, he told me that he’d been locked out of his apartment because his ancient-looking key didn’t work, and his shower dispensed only cold water. These were inconveniences, not earth-shattering problems, but he was forced to take action to solve them before he’d even finished unpacking, a task complicated by his unfamiliarity with his surroundings.
“This is Spain,” his Spanish roommate wryly reminded him when it took several days to resolve the key issue.
Living in a foreign country also gives young people opportunities to form relationships with people from far different backgrounds. My older son became fast friends with an Italian student during his semester abroad, and they’re still in touch years later.
I expect that my son who is now overseas will return home with a new degree of self-confidence that will result from having overcome his jitters to make his way in strange surroundings. Many other parents have told me that they immediately notice the subtle but unmistakable ways that their kids just seem more mature and self-assured after they’ve studied abroad.
But the reality we must also face is that these adventures — as with everything in life — do not come without some degree of risk.
Students who study abroad are typically coached beforehand in safety protocols and given ample warnings on places and situations to avoid. They are told to stay alert, particularly in crowded settings, to keep wallets and purses secured, watch for pickpockets, learn about the areas they frequent, keep a low profile, and use the buddy system when out after dark. They’re cautioned repeatedly about the dangers of drugs and alcohol.
These are the same precautions we hope that our kids take to heart, no matter where they are. Indeed, we are confronted all too often with terrible reminders that bad stuff can happen anywhere. Yet when you add in the extra degree of uncertainty and loss of control we parents must accept when our children are thousands of miles away in a foreign country, it’s understandable that we might feel just a little on edge.
The tragedy that befell the young man from my son’s school, regardless of the cause, hit way to close to home.
It hasn’t dimmed my conviction that giving my son this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity was a good choice, and that he’ll look back on the experience with profound gratitude. But I think I could be forgiven for hugging him just a little too tightly when we’re back together again.
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PATRICE APODACA is a former Newport-Mesa public school parent and former Los Angeles Times staff writer. She lives in Newport Beach.
