In preparing for the end of the world, December 21, according to the Mayan calendar, I was torn between celebrating the Christmas season and relishing my last God-given days on Earth. What to do? If I only have hours left until the stroke of midnight, why am I refusing fudge and fruit cake? Yet, if we all survive, at the rate I am devouring See's Candies, I won't be able to fit in my New Year's Eve dress. What a confusing dilemma. And though we have all heard of the doomsday prophecy — the winter solstice aligning with the Milky Way, signifying the catastrophic end documented by the Mayan calendar — what if the calendar ended, not because of anything of real importance, but rather, perhaps, simply negligence?
Maybe there was a conversation between the now infamous Mayan date-keepers that went like this:
"George, did you ever finish that calendar?"
"Naaah, I ran out of paper. Besides, we have enough in the archive. Let Fred finish it on his shift."
And perhaps Fred simply called in sick the next day.
Did anyone ever think of that? That maybe it was a mere incident of millennium mishap? After all, the Mayan calendars began some 3,000 years B.C.
With all this in mind, and the possibility of this being the last day of my life, it made Christmas shopping a bit strained. I thought, if I spend all this money and no one is here to unwrap my presents, wouldn't that just be irresponsible? Yet, if I come empty-handed to a family gathering, how embarrassing!
I was in a quandary, so I came up with the perfect solution: I decided to buy presents, yet not spend as much as I usually would in case the world does come to an end. That way I'll still have the security of having presents in hand in case it doesn't.
Living life with indecision — what a confusing state. Not making a decision either way seemed to yield a life of mediocrity. Opened to all possibilities, yet committed to none.
Maybe my problem was bigger than whether or not to eat See's Candies, or how to spend my last day on Earth, or if I survived, how I would fit in my New Year's Eve dress.
My problem was vacillating between two different roads to take and being stuck right in the middle, like a fork in the road that requires you to choose.
Wow, there were a lot of forks in the road of my life. Should I invest more time in my career or more time with my daughter? Should I invest in new financial opportunities or keep my money safe in the bank? Should I risk starting over in a relationship or keep shielded from possible heartache? The real question was: Should I take a risk or play it safe? Because of my lack of decision, lack of choice, I was living a very mediocre life, trying as best as I could to accommodate both, yet not fully invested in either.
My indecision vacillated between two different decisions; one fear-based, the other faith-based, and I was caught in the mediocre middle.
Today, I was going to make a decision, either way, one way or another. I was going to choose which road to take and start walking. As glorious or as difficult as it may be, I was going to experience the beauty of choice.
And so I decided from this day forward to choose faith, risk, challenge, change.
No longer would I be tempted to run away from fear and miss out on a new horizon.
I decided that today was not going to be the end of the world. I decided that I was going to put down the chocolates in exuberant anticipation of making it to New Year's Eve.
I was going to go Christmas shopping excited, knowing that all my presents would be unwrapped on Christmas Day. And I decided to take a risk at relationship, rather than holding back in fear.
December 21 — what a glorious day! Maybe it isn't the end of the world, but it is the end of my world of indecision.
If we are all here tomorrow, I challenge you to make a decision based on the faith of what could happen, if you choose.
Lisa Hamilton is a resident of Laguna Beach.