Lord Tyson Chandler of Sausalito is 4 years old and four years wise — well sorta.
While walking around he runs into walls, furniture, trees, people and anything else that gets in his path head first. (Note the flat face; and we thought it was the breed.) He is an English bulldog with very distinguishing brindle and white markings.
The English bulldog is a wide, medium-sized, compact dog with short legs. The body and head are massive with extra skin on both the skull and forehead falling in folds. The cheeks extend to the sides of the eyes much like all us girls after 40. The muzzle is wide, short and pug with a broad, deep stop or front fender. Their dark eyes are deep set. The rose ears are small, thin and set high on the head. Lord Tyson’s are usually flopped over. The jaws are massive, very broad and square with hanging upper lips. The teeth have an under bite. The tail is either straight or curly and carried low. The short, flat coat is straight, smooth and glossy.
Mark and Kelly, his owners, treat him as much as a human as possible, allowing him to sit at the dinning table in his own chair, or lounge on the couch watching TV. “Regis and Kelly” is the signal it is the time to walk and “Jeopardy” is another signal to potty.
One time on a potty run, Lord Tyson lifted a leg on a neighbor’s BMW, and the owner ran out screaming, “Don’t let your dog pee on my car!” Mark responded, “I am sorry, but I don’t speak dogganess. He has the habit of peeing on anything that is standing still so don’t come over here and stand still.”
Unfortunately, his allergies limit the areas he can walk; he is allergic to palm and pine trees — bad things to be allergic to in Laguna Beach.
Our pet’s bodily functions are always a concern. The fact that Lord Tyson Chandler of Sausalito outsnores Mark, drools continuously and is flatulent most of the day, filling the room with the fine aroma of doggie consumption, only confirms that he is truly a dog. Add more burping, but less drooling and we have a husband.
A bulldog who understands his place in the human pack, is nice to, and reliable with, all people. Lord Tyson Chandler of Sausalito is just one of those doggies — unlike most husbands.
PEGI LOPEZ lives in Laguna Beach. Anyone with a funny or interesting story about their pet may send it to her at firstname.lastname@example.org.