Aging is becoming the person you wanted to be

I don’t know who wrote the piece that follows, but I think that every

aging person will be able to relate to it:

“The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old.

I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing

my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it

was an interesting question, and I would ponder it and let her know.

“Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first

time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my

body! I sometimes despair over my body -- the wrinkles, the baggy

eyes and the sagging behind. And often I am taken aback by that old

person who lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those things

for long.

“I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my

loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged,

I’ve become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I’ve

become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra

cookie or ice cream, for not making my bed, or for buying that silly

cement gecko that I didn’t need but looks so avant-garde on my patio.

I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen

too many dear friends leave this world too soon, before they

understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

“Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 a.m., and sleep

in until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of

the ‘60s, and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I

will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a

bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose

to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. One day, they

too will get old.

“I know I am sometimes forgetful, but there again, some of life is

just as well forgotten, and I eventually remember the important

things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your

heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers,

or even when one’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts

are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart

never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of

being imperfect.

“I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn

gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep

grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died

before their hair could turn silver. I can say no and mean it; I can

say yes and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive.

You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself

anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

“So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me

free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live

forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting

what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat

dessert every single day.”

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, displaced elderly people --

some of whom have not left their town for more than thirty years --

are finding themselves in unfamiliar surroundings. With the help of

several organizations, the Costa Mesa Senior Center is helping those

Gulf Coast seniors find a new home.

Please contact us if you want to help evacuee seniors, at (949)

645-2356.

Looking for a good time? Come to the senior center, pardner! We

will be holding our famous Western Hoedown on Oct. 14, from 4 to 7

p.m. Reservations are a must. Cost is $5 for members and $12 for

nonmembers.

Come and browse for that special item you have always been looking

for at our annual flea market on Oct. 22, from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. in

our parking lot, located at 695 West 19th St., Costa Mesa. Contact

Darryl Kim at (949) 645-2356, ext. 15 to reserve a table.

We will also be serving a pancake breakfast -- cost depends on

what you order.

* AVIVA GOELMAN is the executive director of the Costa Mesa Senior

Center and will write occasional columns about the center, its

members and senior issues.