Dear Liz: Please make me feel like I'm doing the right thing. My daughter happens to be very talented academically and athletically. She will graduate from one of the best prep schools in the country. She also plays ice hockey and is being recruited by some of the best schools. However, we are of middle-class means. We were given outstanding aid from her prep school, which made it very affordable. The net price calculators of the colleges recruiting her indicate we won't get nearly the same level of support.
We have a lot of equity in our home and about $25,000 total in college funds for both of our children (we also have a son in 9th grade). We make about $185,000 as a family and pay about 12% to mandatory retirement and healthcare accounts. I'm hoping by some magical formula we can beat the "calculator" but I'm not so confident. So please tell me that paying for an elite education is worth our sacrifices. Our daughter has worked very hard to put herself in a position to gain entry into these schools, but I just need an expert to make me feel better.
Answer: An expert who makes you feel better about buying an education you can't afford isn't doing you any favors.
So let's do a reality check. The amount you have saved for both your children would pay for a little more than one semester at most elite schools, which run around $60,000 a year these days. If she finishes in four years, that's a price tag of about a quarter of a million dollars.
Of course, most college students don't pay the sticker price for college. They get some kind of help. You, however, can't expect much of that help, since you're really not "of middle-class means." At your current income, you make more money than about 95% of American households. Financial aid formulas don't particularly care that you may live in an expensive area or that you prioritized spending over saving, only realizing too late that you can't afford the schools your daughter wants to attend.
The exceptions may be Ivy League schools, many of which have committed to capping tuition costs even for upper-income families. If your daughter gets into one of those schools, she may have a shot at an affordable education.
Other schools may be willing to give her "merit aid" to induce her to attend, especially if she's an outstanding hockey player and they want outstanding hockey players. But you'll still be left with a sizable bill and only one way to pay for it: borrowing, either from your home equity or via federal student loans. Your daughter can borrow $5,500 in federal loans her first year, but as parents you can borrow up to the full cost of her education from the federal PLUS loan program.
Which leads to the question: Is taking on up to a quarter of a million dollars in debt for an undergraduate degree a sacrifice or is it insane? Before you answer, consider that some research shows that students who are accepted to elite schools, but attend elsewhere, do just as well in life as people who actually attend those elite schools. (The exceptions are kids from lower-income families, who actually do get a boost in life from attending elite schools. Obviously, that doesn't include your child.)
Also consider how you'll feel about making payments of $1,800 a month or so for the next 30 years to pay for this education. And how you'll feel telling your son, "Sorry, kid, we spent all the money on your sister. You're on your own."
The picture may not be as grim as all that. You may get a better deal from one of these schools than you expect. But you should start managing your daughter's expectations now and look for some colleges you can actually afford in case the dream schools don't come through for her.
Defining a budget 'must have'
Dear Liz: You've written frequently about the 50/30/20 budget, where no more than 50% of your after-tax income should be spent on "must haves" so that you have 30% for "wants" and 20% for debt repayment and savings. In which category would alimony fall? How about car payments?
Answer: Any expense that can't be put off without serious consequences is considered a must-have. Since you could be sued or held in contempt of court for not paying your alimony, that would certainly qualify as a must-have. So too are all required loan payments, since failing to pay those will lead to credit card damage, possible lawsuits and, in the case of vehicles, repossession. Other must-haves include shelter costs, food, utilities and child support.
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