Landlord is worried about evicted family

Dear Amy: I have a major dilemma. I had to evict a toxic tenant. Police are involved, and it is all very ugly.

This woman shares custody of three children, ages 11, 8 and 5. The 8-year-old is severely autistic.

Other tenants have stated that she leaves these children alone to go out and party. The 11-year-old is in charge of them.

Last week, one of the tenants had to help this child take a box cutter away from the autistic child.

The stories she tells of her ex-husband are horrific, but then again, the stories she tells about me are horrific and untrue.

Should I inform the ex-husband of these stories?

My family is split down the middle about what I should do.

I feel if I heard of anything happening to these children, I would never forgive myself for not speaking up.

But what if the one truth in this woman’s life is that her ex is the devil?

The police said they had never met a true sociopath until they met her. She made my life hell for three months, but she is their mother.

What should I do?

Worried Landlord

Dear Worried: If the police have been involved, you would hope they’d take stock of this woman’s criminal mothering and involve social workers. You should discuss this with your contact at the police department to see what, if anything, they have done for these children.

You should not contact the ex-husband, but you should contact your local department of child protective services. Their job is to assess what is happening in the home and to protect these children from both parents, if necessary.

They will contact the children’s father and assess his ability to provide a home for them. I hope you will continue to try to advocate for these children.

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Dear Amy: My husband was recently killed in a terrible car accident. My ex-boyfriend, the father of my two oldest kids, wants to help me raise them. He wants to eventually get back together.

I do care for this man. He is a great father, and I feel it would ease the pain of losing my husband.

Should I get back together with him?

Grieving

Dear Grieving: This is no time to make huge decisions.

If you need to cling to the life raft of this previous relationship to help you get through the most potent part of your grief, then do so, but you must be honest with your ex. Take things slowly. Let him give your (and his) children stability and comfort. But don’t plan a long-term future with him until you are certain you know what’s best for all of you.

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Hey, Amy: “Belle” wrote to you, frustrated by her husband’s clutter.

I am a “clutteraholic.”

My very patient husband struggles with my little piles of stuff and tolerates my promises to clean them up.

The other day he circled your column on this topic and left it for me -- once again, his loving reminder of how frustrated he gets.

I was motivated by your response and thought you might like to know there is a 12-step group called Clutterers Anonymous.

I think it is not so much about knowing what to do with papers and stuff as it is a matter of being addicted to chaos and confusion.

Laurel

Dear Laurel: Clutter collecting (and its dark cousin, hoarding) is more than just letting last week’s mail sit on the coffee table, unsorted. Clutterers have extreme anxiety and confusion when it comes to making choices about what should stay and what should be tossed.

Eventually, the clutter more or less takes over and the clutterer is paralyzed.

Clutterers Anonymous holds 12-step meetings in many cities and offers online information and support. Search “clutterers anonymous” and take the online quiz: “Am I a clutterer?”

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.