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Review: ‘Branded’ could use a little commercial appeal

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A movie contemptuous of advertising, the choppy, formless dystopian-sci-fi doodad “Branded” wasn’t screened for critics and was barely hyped before release last Friday, which means some marketing choices aren’t that unwise.

Misha (a charmless Ed Stoppard) is a Moscow-based ad executive and sometime spy who falls for the boss’ American niece (Leelee Sobieski), a go-getter producing a makeover reality show that backfires when its plus-size star goes into a coma, ushering in a worldwide big-is-beautiful movement, which is really a global conspiracy cooked up on a Polynesian island by a fast-food corporate cabal and a marketing guru (Max von Sydow).

Follow? That’s just the first half.

Writers-producers-directors Jamie Bradshaw and Alexsandr Dulerayn then send disillusioned Misha to a lonely place where he sacrifices a red cow, before giving him visions of corporate brands as groaning bulbous creatures emanating from consumers’ heads.

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The movie is so packed with ideological pretension and forced whimsy it has no time for characterization or cohesion, despite its scrappy use of post-Communist Russia as ground zero for capitalism’s next nightmare scenario. “Branded” trashes an ad-saturated culture, but with a sour side effect — making fun of the overweight — and a story so convolutedly insipid it needs narration to fill in the gaps.

To borrow a hamburger chain’s refrain, not lovin’ it.

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‘Branded’

MPAA rating: R for language and some sexual content

Running time: 1 hour, 46 minutes

Playing: In general release

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