Running with all the facts fit to authenticate

On the heels of Dan Rather’s disputed report about 1970s memos that criticized President Bush’s National Guard service, CBS plans to air several other investigations based on newly discovered documents:

* The JFK assassination: Rather reveals startling evidence that Lee Harvey Oswald met with CIA agents two days before shooting President Kennedy in Dallas. “It’s all here on Oswald’s Palm Pilot,” Rather says.

* Biblical archeology: In news that could rock Christianity, CBS has carbon-dated a 1st century scroll in which the Apostle Paul admits to having doubts about the Resurrection. Theologians consulted by the network vouched for the genuineness of the scroll, which is titled “Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians or Current Resident.”

* Gay rights: An early draft of the Bill of Rights contained a constitutional amendment allowing homosexual marriage, CBS has learned. Experts uncovered the secret amendment beneath a layer of Liquid Paper.

* Watergate: Using new technologies, CBS has been able to restore the 18-minute gap on President Nixon’s infamous Watergate tapes. In the most damaging excerpt, Nixon admits to authorizing the break-in at Democratic headquarters (“We totally punk’d McGovern”) but orders H.R. Haldeman to take the fall: “The tribe has spoken. You’ve been voted off the island.”

* Hitler’s last words: As Russian tanks rolled toward the Nazi dictator’s Berlin bunker, Adolf Hitler sent a final communique to his generals, according to CBS.

Several critics have questioned the authenticity of the document, saying the typography used wasn’t available in 1945. Others find it odd that Hitler sent the communique on a fax machine.

“It’s preposterous,” one source said. “Everyone knows Hitler preferred singing telegrams.”

* Miscellaneous: In other upcoming exclusives, “60 Minutes” will air a voicemail message left by Maya Indians to explain their mysterious disappearance, unveil a prehistoric cave drawing of Neil Armstrong walking on the moon and broadcast a home video of young George Washington chopping down a cherry tree with his Black & Decker chain saw.

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Staff writer Susanna Timmons contributed to this fully authenticated article.