Robot-reporting resident left with egg on his face

Just when I think I’ve heard of every screwy 911 call ... the Star News, an L.A. County Sheriff’s Department publication, says an operator heard from a resident who insisted he had “a video of remote-control robots egging his house.” The responding officer’s report said: “Checked video, no robots. Two skunks in driveway only.”

I’m guessing the skunks weren’t remote-controlled.

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You think you have problems: Some other emergency calls received by the Sheriff’s Department:

* A young man wanted help to “recover his keys from girlfriend’s apt. [He] requests deputies hurry because he is outside in his underwear.”

* “Fifty goats running around [caller’s] yard. Goats eating [caller’s] roses.”

* A man said he was “hypnotized and withdrew $3,000 from bank against his will.”

* A young woman “stated her two boyfriends are in front of her house fighting.”

* Some juveniles were parked for more than an hour outside a coffee shop. Turned out they were “utilizing computer with wireless Internet, piggybacking off Starbucks store wireless system.” Sounds like grande theft to me.

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Every census should have this breakdown: “Maybe the fact that there is no gridlock there accounts for the high number of ‘pleasant’ people,” theorized Ken Vernon, referring to a sign outside one San Diego County town (see photo).

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Wonder how much their sundaes are: “If you think that strawberries are expensive here in L.A., they’re a bargain compared to what they cost in New Zealand -- even with our favorable exchange rate,” wrote Dave Bedell of Claremont (see photo).

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Such a deal: Brad Johnson found quite a real estate offer -- a seven-bedroom beach house in Santa Monica for $18,000. Of course there’s a small catch -- you get it for less than two weeks (see accompanying).

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Someone with a growing problem? The Laguna News-Post reported that “a man was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication after he was found on the ground with his head in a planter.”

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MiscelLAny: Guess I missed some episodes of Showtime’s series “Sleeper Cell,” because I just learned that the TV terrorists had staged an unsuccessful attack on Dodger Stadium. As I said, I don’t have the details, but I presume the bad guys, not knowing the habits of L.A. fans, showed up in the eighth inning to bomb the place to smithereens. But they found it so devoid of people that they left.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.