Torn limb from limb

It happens around this time every year: The first sign of warm weather has everybody else digging out beach umbrellas and flip-flops, but it sends me into hiding. I love spring as much as anyone, but I can’t bear to witness the annual Los Angeles sacrifice I call the Slaughter of the Trees.

Like the Running of the Bulls in Pamploma, no special training is required. Anyone with access to a chain saw and a cherry picker is welcome to join in. And so the tree hackers emerge from the woodwork, sawing the limbs and branches of L.A.’s urban canopy and leaving us with thousands of hideously maimed trees.

Most participants in this seasonal slaughter have no idea of the damage they are inflicting when “topping” a tree, as the loathsome practice is called in urban forestry parlance. Topping, after all, reduces leaf litter and the risk of hazardous limb breakage -- and it clears away pesky branches that obscure billboards, storefronts and canyon vistas. In Los Angeles, we assume we needn’t worry much about a severe hack job here or there, what with our never-ending growing season and abundance of exotic trees. Here, the Australian bunya-bunya flourishes alongside the Bolivian Tipuana tipu and the South African baobab.

Of course, all trees benefit from the occasional judicious pruning. But what often happens in L.A. is akin to lopping off one’s head to remove a wart.

Topped trees are hard to miss -- they’re the ones that look like oversized hat racks. If they survive, they compensate by frantically sprouting thousands of weakly attached limbs that are more likely to break and fall.

Healthy trees create oxygen, provide cooling shade and trap storm water runoff with their roots. In one year, an acre of thriving adult trees can absorb the amount of carbon produced by a car driven 26,000 miles, according to the U.S. Forest Service. When branches are haphazardly hacked off, the tree loses half or more of its air-cleaning leaves. Sensitive bark that is typically protected by foliage is exposed to damaging sun and rain. The injured tree shuts down, focusing all of its efforts on recovery. Topped trees are vulnerable to disease, infestation and early death.

The city of Los Angeles stopped topping its street trees nearly 20 years ago. But be wary of buzzing chain saws. Recently a crew from the Department of Water and Power arrived on my block, revved up and ready to cut back some Indian laurels that had embraced the power lines.

“You’re only going to trim back the branches that are in the way, right?” I asked in my best concerned-citizen voice. The trimmer’s buddy slapped him on the back and laughed. “Well, let’s just say we don’t call him Freddy Krueger for nothin’.” The trimmer smiled and said, with a mixture of sheepishness and pride, “Some of these guys do so little you can’t even tell they’ve been there. I like to be able to see what I’ve done.” My pleading, however, seemed to sway them; they left the trees largely intact. Two trees saved, a million-plus to go.

Last summer, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa launched his wrongheaded Million Trees LA initiative. The idea is to plant a million seedlings all over the city over the course of a decade. On paper, the plan looks great. According to the mayor, a million trees could eliminate more than 2 million pounds of air pollutants and trap more than 2 billion gallons of storm water.

Problem is, the trees are free to anyone who wants them, further reinforcing our sunny L.A. notion that all our great greenery has no value. And what chance do these tender saplings have in a town that is clueless about caring for the trees it already has?

To truly save our trees, we must tap into the beauty-and-celebrity-obsessed psyche of Los Angeles. Let’s make healthy, full-limbed trees a status symbol, like trim thighs or shiny BMWs. Imagine the endorsements: George Clooney for the dignified white alder, Kobe Bryant for the formidably tall Canary Island pine, Scarlett Johansson for the lush and lovely liquidambar. Imagine a limited-edition designer shirt emblazoned with “Tree Toppers Are Losers.”

I might come out of hiding to pick up one of those.