Be Joel Stein: the Opinion L.A. Chat

Moderator1: Hi everybody, we’ve got Joel Stein here for the 1/2 hour.

Moderator1: Joel, it’s no exaggeration to say that the Be Joel Stein contest was the greatest scientific project in the history of the universe. Your thoughts?

Joel Stein: I think this is just you and me Tim. Let’s use it wisely to discuss future column ideas.

GerogeW: Wow, I can see that the Elmo rant and circumcision riff really fired up the readers. :-)

Joel Stein: If anything proves the success of the project, it would be the amount of people on this chat. Let’s ask George some questions. Like, hey, George, why the hell are you on this chat?

Joel Stein: I think George was one of the contest winners. Right?

GerogeW: Truth be told, I am your 4th place winner. I did the “D.C. Madam” piece which, even three months later is timely as ever. lol.

Moderator1: This is true internet critical mass. The entire audience consists of the performers.

Joel Stein: If George leaves, can we all leave?

Joel Stein: Yeah, we screwed George by taking so long to put it up. Honestly. Also, I can’t believe the other three winners didn’t log on. Let’s end this madness. Can we give George a gift certificate and get out here? Maybe to the DC Madam?

Moderator1: Joel, you’ve noted that the result of the contest was a stunning victory for professional journalism, but I like to think of it as a crushing defeat for you.

Moderator1: What are your career plans now?

Joel Stein: Okay, Tim, stop pretending we’re having a chat. We’re just emailing each other. Let’s bail. I’m leaving this window open, but I’m booking Jet Blue flights in my other window.

GerogeW: I think he should take up blogging so that he can usurp his own job.

Moderator1: What happened to the Steinians? Last time Joel had about 70 people in the room.

Joel Stein: I think they experienced the shock and awe of the chat room.

GerogeW: I’ll let you go. I like to think I made the top five, though, because I write a humor column in the Pasadena Star-News on Sundays.

GerogeW: Professionalism always comes to the fore, huh.

GerogeW: And now to go for a sandwich.

Joel Stein: Wait: You really write a humor column? Everyone who was on the list was a pro??? How weird is that? And comforting. This was a great experiment

GerogeW: Yeah. Thanks again for the challenge.

Moderator1: We’ve got another chatter. Huh just arrived.

GerogeW: I think I have to start my blog.

Moderator1: I think somebody else should start your blog.

GerogeW: True. Maybe the DC Madam.

Joel Stein: Huh bailed. Let’s join huh. Flying to NY around labor day, I’m learning, is not cheap.

Moderator1: And howbout those in-flight snacks, ladies and gentlemen?

GerogeW: I am actually kind of hungry. Give my regards to your hot wife, Joel.

GerogeW: See you.

Moderator1: George, it’s like we’ve been friends for 11 minutes.

GerogeW: I will have to send my relatives the link to this transcript. This is big stuff.

GerogeW: Oh, did I mention I’m also in the San Bernardino Sun? OK, I’m going. I can tell Joel is choosing seat assignments. Have a good trip.

Moderator1: This must mean the silent masses were in total agreement with Stein. They have nothing to add...

Moderator1: I knew I should have arranged a few ringers ahead of time.

Joel Stein: I knew we shouldn’t have done this. Bail or run out the clock? I’m going with JetBlue either way.

Moderator1: We’ve got 14 minutes. Let’s run out the clock.

Moderator1: Maybe the people don’t actually want interactivity.

Joel Stein: Didn’t I write a column saying that?

Joel Stein: I know I don’t.

Moderator1: Now we’re down to 13 minutes.

Moderator1: Now we’re down to 12 minutes.

Moderator1: I think I’m the one who needs to be replaced.

Moderator1: Troll is in da house!

Moderator1: 11 minutes.

Moderator1: Maybe we needed lolcats.

Moderator1: 10 minutes.

troll: was the experiment a success or failure, or is this not applicable

Moderator1: I had a physics teacher who said no experiment is a failure because you always learn something.

Moderator1: Still, I like to think of this one as a failure.

troll: i failed physics this summer

Joel Stein: I had a physics teacher that said to never agree to do a chat.

troll: seriously is the LA times still investing in doing more of these things

Moderator1: Yeah, they’ve had chats on a bunch of topics since we started doing them.

Moderator1: I don’t know if they’re all fiascos...

troll: heh

Moderator1: It was a different world back in January. We were all so much younger then.

Moderator1: 7 minutes.

troll: i didnt need an air conditioner then either

Moderator1: boy is in da haus!

troll: what’s the countdown for, how many minutes till i get kicked

Moderator1: It’s not about kicking you, though that’s an extra benefit. Stein is an ornery cuss who doesn’t like to do the chat.

Moderator1: So now he has an excuse to bail on the next one.

Joel Stein: Sweet!

troll: why wasnt he fired in the recent meltdown at the times?

Moderator1: Joel?

Joel Stein: Yeah! My one chatter wants to know why I wasn’t fired! That’s not a good sign for me.

troll: yea, not that i dont like him just thought he would

Moderator1: And since we’re all in this wacky stuck-in-an-elevator ordeal, tell us about yourself, troll.

Moderator1: Did you submit a column for the BJS contest?

troll: no

troll: that acronym scared me off

Moderator1: Do we have enough people in the room to start telling each other we suck?

troll: I like joel

Moderator1: That’s the spirit!

troll: and you mod

Moderator1: Back atcha! It’s a love fest.

Joel Stein: I like the acronym joke.

Moderator1: Yeah, that’s pretty good material, troll. You oughta give up the physics and go into comedy.

troll: i hate comedians

troll: but love joel

Moderator1: 1 minute. Any last thoughts on the whole Being Joel Stein experience?

Joel Stein: This chat pretty much summed it up.

Moderator1: Brannerite is in da haus!

troll: i’d just like to tell stein to keep doing these things for the sake of the wonderful LA times

Moderator1: Thanks Mrs. Stein, I mean troll

troll: and so he can feel like crap

Joel Stein: Someone here is at Branner, where I lived for two years. Let’s salute Branner and the memory of Kennell Jackson and get out of here.

Moderator1: And a one-cheek salute to Branner it is!

troll: i love joel stein

brannerite: sweet

troll: weee

Moderator1: Anybody else care to comment before we wrap?

troll: im 12

troll: and a half

brannerite: nope, wrap

Moderator1: OK, thanks to everybody who showed, and thanks even more to everybody who didn’t.

troll: you are welcome

troll: and i love joel stein

Joel Stein: Hey troll, are you really Chris Hansen?

Moderator1: I think he’s really Jack McClellan.

troll: l o v e

troll: i do

Joel Stein: He’s giving me a real Catch a Predator entrapment feel.

Moderator1: Take care, one and all. I’ve got a date with troll, so I’m outta here!

troll: im going to lunch

Moderator1: Bye.