If only Justin Bieber had a Google Nest home

The technology question of the day: If Justin Bieber had a Google Nest home of the future, would it tell him he needed eggs?

You may have missed the announcement that Google is buying Nest Labs, a company known mostly for its “smart” thermostats.

You probably didn’t miss the news that Bieber had his home searched Tuesday by no fewer than a dozen sheriff’s detectives, who were responding to allegations that the pop star egged his neighbor’s house.

(Apparently, L.A.’s record-low crime rate has given local law enforcement more free time than you thought. Though a personal aside: My car got egged one night recently while I was driving past our local elementary school, and when I called the sheriff’s station, they seemed — well, let’s just say there didn’t seem to be a whole lot of urgency there.)

Anyway, back to Google/Nest. Smarter folks than me are saying that Google didn’t spend $3.2 billion in cash because it needed better thermostats and smoke alarms at its headquarters. No. Google is apparently getting ready for something called the Internet of Things.

As my colleague Jessica Guynn describes it, the Internet of Things refers to “wireless devices that collect data in the home and can be controlled with a smartphone. Many people believe this represents the next big growth phase of the Internet.”

And here I was just getting comfortable with Twitter.

Of course, not everyone is excited about this George Jetson future. Guynn says some folks are threatening to return their Nest thermostats. “Their reasoning: Buying Nest could help Google hoover up a whole lot more of our personal information to slice and dice for advertisers.”

You mean, they’re thinking that, 10 years from now in their Google Nest homes, they’ll go to turn on a bit more heat one chilly evening and get bombarded by Google ads for sweaters, new furnaces or trips to Hawaii? You mean that future?

C’mon. It’s just the Internet of Things; nothing to fear here; move along. (Next someone will try to tell me that the NSA is tracking every call I make. Sheesh!)

Anyway, back to Bieber. Though you and I might not, here’s someone who obviously would benefit from a “smart” home.

For example, as The Times reported Wednesday: “Officials did find drugs in plain view at Bieber’s home and are conducting tests to determine whether it was Ecstasy, cocaine or something else, sheriff’s officials said. Xavier Dominique Smith, 20, known as Lil Za, was taken into custody at Bieber’s home on suspicion of felony drug possession. He was later accused of vandalism after allegedly damaging a phone at a sheriff’s station.”

Now, if Bieber had a “smart” home, it would have undoubtedly warned him: “Yo, Biebs, the cops are coming. Hide the eggs.”

It might even have said: “Justin, you have idiots for friends. Get rid of these losers.”

See, it’s more than home, it’s Mom — minus the free laundry and meals.

So, what’s my takeaway from all this? Simple. As always, technology giveth, and technology taketh away.

The Internet of Things may be a step too far for some, but for others — including one wayward pop star — it’s a step in the right direction.

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