L.A. AFFAIRS

L.A. AFFAIRS - Romance, Dating & Relationships

My nightmare Tinder date with a lingerie model

I began my dating app experience much later in life. (The foolish decision to buy a Windows phone set me back two years.) I was anxious to get started the moment I upgraded devices. The first and most obvious download was the infamous Tinder, renowned as a hook-up app but also responsible for significant...

  • I had to work up the nerve to ask, 'Do you want to be my girlfriend?'

    I had to work up the nerve to ask, 'Do you want to be my girlfriend?'

    When it came to girls, I was shy. It’s not that I feared that they would beat me up, like the bullies I evaded on the playground in East Los Angeles. I simply feared rejection. For some mysterious reason that I still don’t understand, I felt that if I got rejected, all my friends and complete strangers...

  • Here's my advice for anyone trying to find love in Los Angeles: Just give up

    Here's my advice for anyone trying to find love in Los Angeles: Just give up

    I had given up. I was 38 years old, renting a guest house in Beverly Hills, and had tried for most of my adult life to meet the right guy. The final straw was a phone call with a potential suitor who admitted that he was married and believed in polyamory. At that moment, I just gave up. The life...

  • I'm a serial dater. And I'm grateful to all the guys who never call me back

    I'm a serial dater. And I'm grateful to all the guys who never call me back

    These days, I go on about two or three dates a week. I can tell you every good bar in Los Angeles (my recommendations: Father’s Office near Culver City has surprisingly comfortable stools, and the Roger Room near West Hollywood is a fun speak-easy circa the 1920s). I’ve played pool, sipped tea,...

  • How I'm nursing my broken heart: Pondering the mysteries of women — and their handbags

    How I'm nursing my broken heart: Pondering the mysteries of women — and their handbags

    Some crucial piece of knowledge must have eluded me. I felt completely heartbroken, and there had to be a reason for this unexpected devastation. My long-distance relationship with a woman in New York had fallen apart, in spite of the fact that we had such intense love for one another. We both...

  • The biggest mistake I made at USC was falling in love

    The biggest mistake I made at USC was falling in love

    I’ve had many successes and failures during my undergraduate career at USC. But the greatest mistake I’ve made on this picturesque campus was falling in love. Don’t get me wrong — love is such a powerful and amazing thing. Everyone wants it, but love has the capacity to be the best and worst thing...

  • Our Tinder date was a drunken blur. But it ended well for a rescued pit bull.

    Our Tinder date was a drunken blur. But it ended well for a rescued pit bull.

    I've met a handful (OK, maybe two handfuls) of guys on Tinder since January 2014. I dated one for an extended period of time -- might’ve loved him. Another had a baby on the way (I was not aware) and a third might very well have been a rapist. Dodged the last two bullets, barely. One guy in particular...

  • Ladies, take my advice: College is your best bet for finding a husband

    Ladies, take my advice: College is your best bet for finding a husband

    Going back to school at age 31 (I am a lawyer who just graduated with a master’s in journalism at USC) and seeing my slightly younger counterparts being driven crazy by the men in their lives has got me thinking about my “required reading list for life,” and that maybe Susan Patton’s controversial...

  • How I found out she was only using me for free dinners and drinks

    How I found out she was only using me for free dinners and drinks

    If you’re a man who’s tried (or considered trying) online dating, chances are you’ve worried you might meet a woman looking to use you for a free expensive dinner. It seems trivial in comparison to what women have to worry about when they filter through men on dating sites, but it’s still a concern,...

  • 'Hey. Do you want to get tattoos and get engaged?'

    'Hey. Do you want to get tattoos and get engaged?'

    We were good at being young together. When we met, I was making coffee and he was serving pizza at a neighborhood restaurant in Berkeley, my hometown. On days off, I laced up my white roller skates with red wheels and he grabbed his skateboard and we’d stumble and roll along on the knotty sidewalks...

  • Our love affair is based on animal magnetism

    Our love affair is based on animal magnetism

    The rabbits brought us together. I was at a delicate crossroads in my life. I’d moved to Los Angeles six years earlier with dreams of making movies, and accomplished a few things, even won some awards. I had “promise.” But far from enjoying my upward climb, I’d instead withdrawn to an isolated...

  • I don't know how much time she has left. But I know how we will spend it: Together

    I don't know how much time she has left. But I know how we will spend it: Together

    “Hi, how y'all doing?” That’s how it started back in 1961 at Fulton Junior High School in Van Nuys. It was the start of the fall semester and I was a new student recently arrived from Dallas. She was in the ninth grade, the homeroom secretary. I had been walked to homeroom by the front office staff...

  • I wonder who I'll be kissing when L.A.'s 6th Street Bridge reopens...

    I wonder who I'll be kissing when L.A.'s 6th Street Bridge reopens...

    It was our third date. I'd been single for three years, two on purpose. "P" said he wanted to go for a walk. I love walking, even if "nobody walks in L.A." He chose a walk that began at a bridge over the Los Angeles River in Atwater Village. Not any bridge; the bridge with padlocks on it, like...

  • Who needs Tinder? How a random meeting at an L.A. jazz club changed my life

    Who needs Tinder? How a random meeting at an L.A. jazz club changed my life

    My friend Jim called to tell me Mark Murphy was singing at the Jazz Bakery. I had seen him several times and he had become one of my favorites, so… great idea. I had no idea it would end up being the night that changed my life. We drove up to Culver City and had a nice French bite to eat at La...

  • How science taught me that love is all about failure

    How science taught me that love is all about failure

    I spent nearly six years in Los Angeles earning my PhD in neuroscience, a pursuit in which, as my father has observed, one of the most important lessons was how to fail. That is, how to try something really difficult, fail miserably and yet not let it ruin my confidence or determination. It's really...

  • How did we go from 'this works' to 'this is over'?

    How did we go from 'this works' to 'this is over'?

    It wasn't a long thing, just a handful of weeks in November and December broken up by his trips back East and those big holidays that cropped up too soon to be spent together. And we never made it exclusive. But I could count on one hand the number of times I'd clicked with someone the way I did...

  • I thought I was dating the Prince. But he was the Scoundrel

    I thought I was dating the Prince. But he was the Scoundrel

    While mother's telling you to hold out for the Prince on a white stallion, there are plenty of chances for the Scoundrel to make his moves. The Scoundrel knows the lines. He knows how to kiss your mother's hand and might even bring her flowers. The Scoundrel can't be caught in a lie, because his...

  • I'm from USC. He's from UCLA. Could trash talk lead to love?

    I'm from USC. He's from UCLA. Could trash talk lead to love?

    Three months after things ended with a man seven years my senior but none the wiser, I was ready. Ready to embrace my new life in San Francisco and leave my native Los Angeles behind. My time with him had been filled with boarding passes and airports as I flew down back and forth to Los Angeles....

  • I thought I'd found the perfect guy. Until he replaced me.

    I thought I'd found the perfect guy. Until he replaced me.

    I ran blindly out into the streets of Hollywood. I just ran and ran. "Where did I park?!" My mind raced, trying to remember. Tears obstructed my view, and the moments that had just transpired fogged my thoughts. "That jerk.... He can go to hell!" Let's rewind a bit here. We met at a fashion event...

  • I let myself be vulnerable, which is hard for a guy; now I'm trying to learn from the hurt

    I let myself be vulnerable, which is hard for a guy; now I'm trying to learn from the hurt

    When I began seeing Gina I was guarded. I had been hurt a few times in the past like most of us. She was older — 36, never married, no kids, a social worker. She lived next door. Her confidence about what she wanted from men made her that much more attractive. I had dated a fair amount in Los Angeles,...

  • I know why he broke my heart. He had to. And I understand.

    I know why he broke my heart. He had to. And I understand.

    I seem to be the 13- or 14-month relationship queen. My last three ended right at this time. I had no idea I was actually there with this last one. It came so fast — the end, that is. We were one of the few Tinder success stories. We met — yes, 13 months ago in Santa Monica and had our first less-than-enthusiastic...

  • We spent a week together in Aspen -- in separate rooms. Then he took the hint.

    We spent a week together in Aspen -- in separate rooms. Then he took the hint.

    I was living in Los Feliz, a stone's throw from Griffith Park. I loved that once I made the long drive home from teaching in South Los Angeles on Friday, I could have a weekend of hiking, culture and trendy restaurants without ever getting in my car. My good friend lived across the hall, and it...

  • I was falling back in love with L.A. -- until my boyfriend broke it off via Skype

    I was falling back in love with L.A. -- until my boyfriend broke it off via Skype

    I didn't like my adolescence in Los Angeles. Girls left zip-lock bags of cocaine in the bathroom and side-eyed me for not wearing a Juicy Couture jumpsuit. I fled to the Midwest for college, where I believed people were kind and kept their gray hairs. So I was skeptical when, 10 years later and...

  • Why I regret telling my son to marry a rich girl

    Why I regret telling my son to marry a rich girl

    "Dad, I think you'll be happy to know that I'm dating a rich girl for a change…" Ever since childhood, and especially when my son started to excel at sports, I made it a point to be his biggest fan. "You're such a good catch: handsome, athletic, working," I'd tell him, and then jokingly add: "You...

  • I've discovered the secret to online dating: Just chill out, preferably over In-N-Out

    I've discovered the secret to online dating: Just chill out, preferably over In-N-Out

    Dating in Los Angeles is hard. Dating online in Los Angeles is even harder. It's about as enjoyable as stopping at that fast-food joint you only eat at because you've been driving for miles and you can't find anything else, so you finally give up and decide to settle on that weird off-brand chain...

  • I was just there for basketball. Until I fell for one of my teammates.

    I was just there for basketball. Until I fell for one of my teammates.

    Our first interaction was brisk and routine, even obligatory. She was filling a vacant spot on my recreational pickup basketball team in a small gymnasium at a Westside park. We dutifully exchanged names and shook hands before the game without any fanfare. I didn't feel any sparks. I didn't even...

  • I really couldn't have asked for a better first date

    I really couldn't have asked for a better first date

    He took me to a park bench on our first date. That September night I was doing dishes after a community dinner and he pulled me aside. "Can you get away for a while? I want to show you something special." I was living the social worker life at a shelter for homeless people in Boyle Heights. César...

  • Break up to make up became a losing game

    Break up to make up became a losing game

    Dee liked painting lone, standing birds on small canvases. They looked melancholy, all in brown tones, but soon after we met, she granted them vibrant colors, adding cute titles for each: "Charles looks askance." "Rita has a friend." She sold them by the dozens at an artists' co-op in Venice. We...

  • I was about to get my first kiss. Then my dad showed up. #MillennialProblems

    I was about to get my first kiss. Then my dad showed up. #MillennialProblems

    We sat in 405 traffic after making the foolish decision to drive to the Griffith Park Observatory at 6 on a Thursday night. Nothing like a little infatuation to mess with a girl's mind and cause her to forget about rush hour traffic. It was the second date, a pivotal time in the early life of a...

  • Instagram 'likes' lead to love

    Instagram 'likes' lead to love

    Three hundred fifty-seven "likes" on a photo and I just cared about one. The heart-shaped, double-clicked "like" from a guy I'd never met. Instagram noticed my obsession with posting breakfast pictures and made me a suggested user about a year ago; I would get the precious gift of cyber stardom...

  • Is he my boyfriend? My lover? I just don't know what to call our relationship

    Is he my boyfriend? My lover? I just don't know what to call our relationship

    I never know how to describe my relationship with Ken. It feels silly to refer to ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend when our combined age is 143. Should I say that we're lovers? Significant others? It comes as a surprise to me that I'm facing this dilemma. I'd always figured that at this point...

  • He manipulated me and tried to exploit me. Here's how I got revenge

    He manipulated me and tried to exploit me. Here's how I got revenge

    I met him on OKCupid and with our first words it was love. We wrote poetry to each other and shared our deepest thoughts. When we finally went on our first date, I felt that magic continue as he held my hand and we ran down Ventura Boulevard at midnight. The first three months were beautiful; he...

  • He stopped consulting Zodiac signs and found a love written in the stars

    He stopped consulting Zodiac signs and found a love written in the stars

    I have always been a romantic. I have a collection of Pablo Neruda poems at my bedside, I devour romance movies and songs of heartbreak, and I use astrology as a blueprint for my life. As weird as it sounds, I never dated anyone seriously before first checking to see if our signs were compatible....

82°