L.A. Affairs

L.A. AFFAIRS - Romance, Dating & Relationships

Why I have a fear of falling... in love

Number of days since last fall: 15. 16. 17. 18. I would casually glance at the dry-erase board hanging in the hall of the inpatient rehabilitation hospital on the way to my dad’s room. I did not think about it much. My dad was in such bad shape that we were far more concerned with him breathing...

  • I found love at a neighbor's wake

    I found love at a neighbor's wake

    After a 20-year marriage and a separation, I decided to try online dating. I quickly learned to keep the first meeting short, not dinner, in case things didn’t go well. On one date I arranged to meet a UCLA law school graduate at a Santa Monica coffee house. As a lawyer myself, I anticipated at...

  • I told myself I was going to AA meetings to meet guys

    I told myself I was going to AA meetings to meet guys

    I wasn’t exactly trolling for men when I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I’d heard on good authority that a particular 12-step meeting near my home in Venice was the place to meet people on the Westside. Before you judge me: At the time I was trying on what it was like to be...

  • I met the love of my life — and I thought he was a total jerk

    I met the love of my life — and I thought he was a total jerk

    I was new to Southern California, starving for friends and looking for a fresh start in the backyard of a Spanish-style duplex in L.A.’s Miracle Mile. You see, I was desperately trying to break into a tightknit group of women who met regularly for a casual, outdoor yoga class. But after weeks of...

  • Best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids: Be like a cat, not a dog

    Best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids: Be like a cat, not a dog

    “I know it’s against your nature,” she said,”but when it comes to his kids, be a cat, not a dog. You’re going to want to hug them and bond with them, but it’ll be better if you relax and hang back. Wait for them to come to you.” The advice came from my dear friend Jennifer, who has a stepfamily...

  • I told her that I didn't have a car. She told me, 'Goodbye'

    I told her that I didn't have a car. She told me, 'Goodbye'

    I haven’t owned a car since 2014, the year when my Subaru Legacy died a smoky death on the side of the road. The loss was traumatic, but it only took a month to realize that not owning a vehicle is awesome. Even in Los Angeles, one of America’s most car-dependent cities, it’s possible to lead a...

  • Why I broke up with the man who seemed to be my soul mate

    Why I broke up with the man who seemed to be my soul mate

    Some matches are made in heaven. Others are found in L.A. traffic. That’s where I met my recent match. An ArtNight Pasadena was getting underway when I boarded a shuttle and headed to a new exhibit. After admiring splashes of color, chatting with local artists and listening to a few riffs of live...

  • Here are four things I learned from loving a taker

    Here are four things I learned from loving a taker

    I'd tried online dating before without much luck, but this girl was somehow different. She had real potential, a vibrancy that seemed to leap off my Tinder screen. You could call her a swipe-right-with-your-fingers-crossed kind of girl. My phone lighted up with a ding a few hours later and sure...

  • He was my one-night stand. And I wish it had stayed that way

    He was my one-night stand. And I wish it had stayed that way

    I have absolutely no rules when it comes to when I sleep with someone I’m dating. I go with my feelings. I have always said to my friends, it doesn’t matter when you sleep with a man, you can wait four hours or four months, if he’s a jerk he’ll be one regardless. In my case, I barely waited four...

  • She 'ghosted' me. Twice

    She 'ghosted' me. Twice

    I feel like I’ve been dating since the dawn of time. I’ve had countless setups, am active on the apps and even had a stranger in the steam room try to introduce me to his daughter (yes this happened). So when I met someone in real life, or IRL as the millennials call it, I was shocked. It was a...

  • That time I ended up dating two best friends — in the same night

    That time I ended up dating two best friends — in the same night

    I normally Internet stalk my online dating connections pretty thoroughly. But life had gotten busy, and for a few days I was swiping right on Coffee Meets Bagel without my normal due diligence. I found myself casually texting with two guys. Both seemed nice, but I was having trouble keeping them...

  • I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?

    I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?

    After the dissolution of my 21-year relationship, I found myself in a unique situation. What would I, as a 55-year-old gay, Latino man living in the Valley, have to offer the dating world? I mean, I had always sensed that aging in youth-oriented Los Angeles, and having the ability to find love...

  • He told me he was crazy about me. And then he dumped me.

    He told me he was crazy about me. And then he dumped me.

    “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. “He’s not that cute, though. Did you think he was cute? It was pretty dim at that bar. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him my number. He’s like, 10 years older than me.” L. shrugged. “He thinks I’m funny. I don’t...

  • Please stop asking me if each new guy I date is ‘The One’

    Please stop asking me if each new guy I date is ‘The One’

    As a single woman in my mid-30s living in Los Angeles and casually dating (i.e., not trying very hard but open to meeting dudes), I feel a lot of pressure from other people in my life, as well as society at large, to find “The One.” You know, my soul mate, other half, best friend, partner-in-crime,...

  • We found out we had something unusual in common on our first date

    We found out we had something unusual in common on our first date

    At the foot of Big Bear Mountain, in a cozy, rented cabin after a long day of inner-tubing, window-shopping, feasting and soaking in a hot tub, a group of old friends gathered to share their “gratefuls.” One by one, we gave thanks. For the fun day on the slopes. For the delicious dinner everyone...

  • I tried to break it off nicely. But he held a grudge

    I tried to break it off nicely. But he held a grudge

    Writing sketch comedy, as I learned during my one and only class on sketch comedy writing last summer, relies on establishing the “game” of the scene. That is, a pattern of behavior that breaks from the everyday and from which the humor flows — often to the point of absurdity. If you think about...

  • I pursued her until she had a change of heart

    I pursued her until she had a change of heart

    So there I was, a guy in my early 30s, recently separated, having made the solo journey back to Los Angeles from Nashville. Broke and in debt from the experience, I had the war-torn heart of a man who dearly missed his 4-year-old daughter ... yet I was liberated from a failed relationship. My ex...

  • I fell in love on a singles bike ride — on Valentine's Day!

    I fell in love on a singles bike ride — on Valentine's Day!

    I was very happy in my work as an RN seeing patients at their homes in and around Los Angeles. And I had more than enough wonderful friends and family too. But I wanted to “make” my own family. I tried a dating service (paid for by my dad), but after my share of mortifying dates, I quit. I enthusiastically...

  • No luck on Tinder? Here's what to expect from some of the other dating apps

    No luck on Tinder? Here's what to expect from some of the other dating apps

    If you’re a millennial dating in 2017, chances are you or someone you know is on some kind of app.  And although dating online can sometimes feel like a “Groundhog Day” loop of bad match after bad match, diversifying your watering hole online — as in life — has the power to dramatically change...

  • How everyone found out I was secretly dating my co-worker

    How everyone found out I was secretly dating my co-worker

    They tell you not to do so, and for good reason. He told me he fell for me the second I walked out of the dressing room in that Norma Kamali dress. No, I wasn’t a client. I was a co-worker. I was just trying on the dress to see if it was worth it with my newly acquired employee discount. This was...

  • How I figured out I was dating a drug dealer

    How I figured out I was dating a drug dealer

    There's a picture of me from that night — with a giant panda head on. I should have known then what I was in for, but that's half the fun — or torture — of growing up, isn’t it? The not knowing what we know now; the hindsight is 20/20 and all that. I met him at Finn McCool’s on Main Street in Santa...

  • The 8 lessons I've learned about being single in L.A.

    The 8 lessons I've learned about being single in L.A.

    I’ve been living on Single Girl Lane for eight years. That’s the exit right off the I’m Good on My Own Highway. In these eight years I have grown tremendously and learned a few lessons about myself, love and the opposite sex. So, without further ado … let’s get to this list. Eight Years Single,...

  • I got caught on AshleyMadison.com

    I got caught on AshleyMadison.com

    My marriage was going on 19 years. When you think about it, that’s nearly three “seven-year itches” without a single craving for anyone other than my wife. Then, shortly after turning 56, I got a bad case of hives. Call it a midlife crisis, poor judgment or a cheater’s heart. Whatever it was, I...

  • He seemed so eager, so fun. And then I found out his ex was sooooooo...

    He seemed so eager, so fun. And then I found out his ex was sooooooo...

    I met him on Tinder. Newly single and not ready for another relationship, I was just looking for a friend —  someone to talk to, go to dinner with, you know, before I left on a month-long trip abroad, where I’d planned to clear my mind sans boys and dating drama.  He was a charmer; also, Colombian...

  • At the end of the night I asked, ‘Are we dating or just hanging out?’

    At the end of the night I asked, ‘Are we dating or just hanging out?’

    Our first date —  happy hour at Perch followed by a power walk through the Broad museum right before closing —  had been a success. So, for our second date, I suggested we walk through one of L.A.’s swankier neighborhoods in search of lavish Christmas light displays. She loved the date idea and...

  • I was about to get my first kiss. Then my dad showed up. #MillennialProblems

    I was about to get my first kiss. Then my dad showed up. #MillennialProblems

    We sat in 405 traffic after making the foolish decision to drive to the Griffith Park Observatory at 6 on a Thursday night. Nothing like a little infatuation to mess with a girl's mind and cause her to forget about rush hour traffic. It was the second date, a pivotal time in the early life of a...

  • Dear John, there will be no second date. Here are 7 reasons why

    Dear John, there will be no second date. Here are 7 reasons why

    When we met on Halloween there was an immediate connection. I felt chemistry on multiple levels: physical, mental, emotional. You talked about profound things, like spirituality and author Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” My friends were impressed with your genuine interest in me and I...

  • Can you find your true love on a dating app? I did — and I'm marrying her Sunday

    Can you find your true love on a dating app? I did — and I'm marrying her Sunday

    I had tried every dating site and app out there with varying degrees of success, and I was totally over them. I was tired of the “first date” and even more tired of never going on a second date. Then a friend told me about yet another app — Bumble. This one sounded different: The girl has to message...

  • I tried to give my kidney to my boyfriend. He broke up with me anyway.

    I tried to give my kidney to my boyfriend. He broke up with me anyway.

    “For better, for worse … in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” We’ve watched our loved ones make that commitment to one another, the biggest promise we can make to another human in this life. But what if one person gets sick — very sick, the kind that won’t get better — 2½ months...

  • Why I've been dating the same girl for 26 years

    Why I've been dating the same girl for 26 years

    I don’t go on a lot of dates. It’s hard to make time in between work, kids activities, travel and other obligations, but when I want to go out I ask the same girl every time – and she says yes almost every time. It’s the same girl who I took on a first date to a surprise party on Dec. 15, 1989,...

  • I tracked down the love of my life — 40 years after my mother broke us up

    I tracked down the love of my life — 40 years after my mother broke us up

    My family moved to California from the Philippines in 1977 and made Los Angeles our home. I was 19. I studied nursing, met my husband and had two children. Then, after 22 years of marriage, the problems we had could no longer be ignored. We divorced. One night, long after that breakup, I dreamed of...

  • How I found love again after my 20-year marriage broke up

    How I found love again after my 20-year marriage broke up

    About four years ago, my marriage of 20 years broke up. Yes, a sad, tragic story, and I’m sure I am not the only one this has happened to. But there I was, a 43-year-old woman who woke up and thought “Now what?” I had no clue how to get out there again. At first my friends thought I was jumping...

  • I'm a senior citizen. Here's what happened when I tried online dating

    I'm a senior citizen. Here's what happened when I tried online dating

    Welcome to the adventures of computer dating for senior citizens. I own a floral business in a small office building and am somewhat isolated all day. I rarely meet eligible men.  So I signed on to a popular dating site and stated I wished to meet an educated, successful, cultured, giving, youthful...

  • I knew she was the one when we began arguing -- over the election

    I knew she was the one when we began arguing -- over the election

    To this day, my parents both say that during their three decades of marriage, their most heated argument was about politics. It took place during the 2000 presidential election recount, when they began vehemently disagreeing about whether Ralph Nader had cost Al Gore the election. Their nadir was...

  • She didn't have fangs, but I still thought she might be a vampire

    She didn't have fangs, but I still thought she might be a vampire

    She didn't have fangs, but I still thought she might be a vampire. It was the week before Halloween, and I'd come to my favorite Orange County coffeehouse to see the annual performance of the League of Vampiric Bards. A group of Goth-y performance artists consisting of three men and four women,...

  • I was dating a Grammy winner. And I felt like a failure

    I was dating a Grammy winner. And I felt like a failure

    We stumbled into his house around midnight, giddy from the cold-for-Los Angeles air. “Do you want a whiskey?” “Yes.” I heard him drop an ice cube in each glass and the short pour and then he paused in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, holding a glass in each hand. He looked at me...

  • This is how I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me

    This is how I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me

    We met in the fall through mutual friends. He lived in a high-rise off Figueroa in downtown Los Angeles. The views were spectacular. We both had great careers with Los Angeles County. We were both single. We were both independent. We were both somewhat guarded, but together I knew we could be so...

  • That time my Tinder date went from bad to 'how much worse could this get?'

    That time my Tinder date went from bad to 'how much worse could this get?'

    I have always been an optimist, almost to a fault. Being this optimistic in the dating world can put you in some regretful situations. You think, “How much worse could this possibly get?” This is a story of a young lady (me) getting an answer to that question. We met on Tinder, talked for a day...

  • Her heart was his. Then came a phantom phone call

    Her heart was his. Then came a phantom phone call

    “Russ, I have something to talk to you about," Lisa said, looking me in the eyes.   In the nearly two years we've been dating, I've learned this was the opening statement of serious talk time. Usually, serious talk time is a result of me screwing something up or causing Lisa grief.   My stomach...

  • Initially, she seemed a hot mess. And she was. Welcome to L.A. dating

    Initially, she seemed a hot mess. And she was. Welcome to L.A. dating

    It’s difficult to explain the downtown Santa Monica bar scene to an outsider for the joy and misery it has brought me over the years.  It is often the quintessential L.A. experience: $11 beers, ocean sunset views, upscale atmosphere, Ray-Bans, perfect hair and absurd cleavage.  Full of the most...

  • It was our first Tinder date and red flags were out. Why did I ignore them?

    It was our first Tinder date and red flags were out. Why did I ignore them?

    I have terrible luck with women. When I moved from New York to Los Angeles recently I hoped to turn that luck around in a city that is teeming with beautiful, intelligent, available women. I decided to give Tinder a try. After messages sent to aspiring models, actresses and comedians, agents’ assistants...

  • We'd only been dating for 11 days when I blurted out: 'Will you marry me?'

    We'd only been dating for 11 days when I blurted out: 'Will you marry me?'

    I was 20 years old when I went into the Army. At the time, I was dating a neighborhood girl from my hometown in Detroit.  When I got out two years later, we planned on getting married. After being discharged, we decided to postpone our wedding until I graduated from a trade school in Los Angeles...

66°