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L.A. Affairs

L.A. AFFAIRS - Romance, Dating & Relationships

It took all of my courage to say, 'I have herpes'

I was recently divorced, pushing 50 and ready to get out there again. Except this time around, I had herpes. I had been married for 17 years and I was eager to rejoin the world of the dating. I signed up for Match.com. I was struck by how slick some of the profiles were, as if guys were using head...

  • I'm carless and I have to break it to every woman I date in L.A.

    I'm carless and I have to break it to every woman I date in L.A.

    "Listen," I said. "There's something I didn’t tell you." It was melodramatic, but I didn't know how else to drop “I don't have a car” into our conversation. We were at Smorgasburg on a Sunday afternoon earlier this year, fulfilling our hipster destinies with gourmet tacos and artisan cupcakes in...

  • I'm a black woman. He's a white guy with a pickup truck. Here's what happened

    I'm a black woman. He's a white guy with a pickup truck. Here's what happened

    “That guy over there.” I was talking to my friend, Kim, as we sipped cocktails at a bar in Hollywood. She followed my gaze. “The … bald … white guy?” she asked, her face scrunched up in disbelief. I nodded. She raised an eyebrow and slurped on her vodka cranberry. Some background might be helpful...

  • My question on Yom Kippur: Who will find love, and who will be alone?

    My question on Yom Kippur: Who will find love, and who will be alone?

    On Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, Jews read a poem known by its first two words in Hebrew, “Unetaneh Tokef,” which translates to “let us cede power.” The begging and most vivid part of the poem begins: “On Rosh Hashana it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed. Who shall live and who shall die?...

  • Hey, remember me? I made out with you already

    Hey, remember me? I made out with you already

    I once read that there are about 590,000 gay people in Los Angeles. Divide that roughly in half, and that’s 295,000 gay men, which might seem like a lot, but when you take into account different gay tribes and neighborhood proximity, the number dwindles. That means there are a lot of familiar faces...

  • The very first date I went on after my husband died

    The very first date I went on after my husband died

    It was a little more than four years since my husband passed away and I had yet to dive into the world of dating. Up to that point, the whole idea of 21st century dating terrified me. I mean, I hadn’t gone out with a man who wasn’t my husband since 1994. With the prompting of my therapist, I decided...

  • No, I will not let you photograph my sweaty feet.

    No, I will not let you photograph my sweaty feet.

    As an unfulfilled administrative assistant, I tend to go for “artistic” guys onto whom I can project my failed career aspirations. This “type” is also my escape from young-adulthood malaise. The first half of this year consisted of unsuccessful Tinder dates and emotional unavailability from the...

  • I'm 87, he's 93. It’s not too late for love

    I'm 87, he's 93. It’s not too late for love

    I recently read “Younger Next Year,” by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge. The most stringent rule is to exercise six days a week. Well, it may inspire me to miss fewer days for my mile walk each morning. Other firm advice: Join a gym. Nope. Swim. Nope. I’d probably drown. Get a personal trainer...

  • Before I left for school back East, she sent me a text: She just wanted to be friends

    Before I left for school back East, she sent me a text: She just wanted to be friends

    I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship after I graduated high school, so I guess you could say that what we had was nothing more than a summer fling. At the end of the summer I would find myself on a hill, surrounded by farms in upstate New York. Inasmuch as I had learned about myself in those...

  • I was the other woman, and I got the wake up call I needed

    I was the other woman, and I got the wake up call I needed

    We were lying in each other’s arms, fantasizing about running away to a tropical destination where I would learn how to surf, when all of a sudden the moment was cut short by a jarring buzz. Mrrrr… mrrrr… mrrrr... His brand-new iPhone danced around on his desk, its timer happily humming, unaware...

  • I became the Worst. Girlfriend. Ever — so he'd break up with me

    I became the Worst. Girlfriend. Ever — so he'd break up with me

    By its nature, online dating involves a lot of scrolling and swiping. Scroll, swipe, click, repeat. Everyone blends in; no one stands out. The hope is that eventually someone’s photo will leap out at you like a pop-up ad. It’s like pulling the crank on a slot machine hoping to find a match. That’s...

  • I finally figured out why I always fell for the 'bad boy' unavailable types

    I finally figured out why I always fell for the 'bad boy' unavailable types

    I’ve always had a thing for people who don’t like me. Men, especially. Like, a sexual thing for anyone who definitely isn’t interested, can’t possibly be interested, and will never be interested in me. I’ve fallen in love with practically every shiny gay man I’ve brushed up against at the Abbey,...

  • How we hid our steamy love affair from co-workers at the Getty museum

    How we hid our steamy love affair from co-workers at the Getty museum

    My head was on a swivel looking out for co-workers as I hustled toward the Getty Center’s South Pavilion. Dating another employee wasn’t against museum policy, but at previous jobs I had seen office romances go pear-shaped. After recently finishing five years in the Navy, I had also been conditioned...

  • When I became the boss, he broke up with me

    When I became the boss, he broke up with me

    “Who went on the roof?!” I screamed. We were just a couple hours into our 12-hour day of shooting my boyfriend’s music video at a warehouse east of downtown Los Angeles. I had used all of my connections to get the best people onboard, and it was a $30,000 project that I was getting done for $3,000....

  • I watched the sun set on my Sunset Boulevard romance

    I watched the sun set on my Sunset Boulevard romance

    There is something magical and almost untouchable about the glimmer and grime of Sunset Boulevard. It is this intangible that makes romances elusive and Los Angeles surreal. Our romance was kind of like that. I was heading for a party in West Hollywood with trepidation. “Sunset and Alta Loma” sounded...

  • What’s a nice girl like me doing in a place like this?

    What’s a nice girl like me doing in a place like this?

    “I bet I like most of the same things you do. Except maybe petting tigers and jumping out of planes.” I’m back on Bumble for the umpteenth time, and that’s the start of my profile. For the uninitiated (like my parents, who I hope stop reading this when I get to the good stuff), many men post pictures...

  • I got catfished on a dating app, but there are other fish in the sea

    I got catfished on a dating app, but there are other fish in the sea

    Let me start by detailing my dating history: :: Welp, that was easy. Mainly because I’m a 26-year-old gay dude living in Los Angeles who has never had a “significant other,” unless you count the two girlfriends I had in middle school. Each relationship lasted just a week. Fast-forward to today....

  • What I learned from the classic college hook-up culture at USC

    What I learned from the classic college hook-up culture at USC

    When I met Dan I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. An L.A. native, I’ve waded through a sea of the city’s most promising players. I’ve had my heart marred by the son of a Middle Eastern mogul, been duped by a handful of Hollywood’s finest college dropouts and have made painstakingly boring conversation...

  • Why I have a fear of falling... in love

    Why I have a fear of falling... in love

    Number of days since last fall: 15. 16. 17. 18. I would casually glance at the dry-erase board hanging in the hall of the inpatient rehabilitation hospital on the way to my dad’s room. I did not think about it much. My dad was in such bad shape that we were far more concerned with him breathing...

  • I found love at a neighbor's wake

    I found love at a neighbor's wake

    After a 20-year marriage and a separation, I decided to try online dating. I quickly learned to keep the first meeting short, not dinner, in case things didn’t go well. On one date I arranged to meet a UCLA law school graduate at a Santa Monica coffee house. As a lawyer myself, I anticipated at...

  • I told myself I was going to AA meetings to meet guys

    I told myself I was going to AA meetings to meet guys

    I wasn’t exactly trolling for men when I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I’d heard on good authority that a particular 12-step meeting near my home in Venice was the place to meet people on the Westside. Before you judge me: At the time I was trying on what it was like to be...

  • I met the love of my life — and I thought he was a total jerk

    I met the love of my life — and I thought he was a total jerk

    I was new to Southern California, starving for friends and looking for a fresh start in the backyard of a Spanish-style duplex in L.A.’s Miracle Mile. You see, I was desperately trying to break into a tightknit group of women who met regularly for a casual, outdoor yoga class. But after weeks of...

  • Best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids: Be like a cat, not a dog

    Best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids: Be like a cat, not a dog

    “I know it’s against your nature,” she said,”but when it comes to his kids, be a cat, not a dog. You’re going to want to hug them and bond with them, but it’ll be better if you relax and hang back. Wait for them to come to you.” The advice came from my dear friend Jennifer, who has a stepfamily...

  • I told her that I didn't have a car. She told me, 'Goodbye'

    I told her that I didn't have a car. She told me, 'Goodbye'

    I haven’t owned a car since 2014, the year when my Subaru Legacy died a smoky death on the side of the road. The loss was traumatic, but it only took a month to realize that not owning a vehicle is awesome. Even in Los Angeles, one of America’s most car-dependent cities, it’s possible to lead a...

  • Why I broke up with the man who seemed to be my soul mate

    Why I broke up with the man who seemed to be my soul mate

    Some matches are made in heaven. Others are found in L.A. traffic. That’s where I met my recent match. An ArtNight Pasadena was getting underway when I boarded a shuttle and headed to a new exhibit. After admiring splashes of color, chatting with local artists and listening to a few riffs of live...

  • Here are four things I learned from loving a taker

    Here are four things I learned from loving a taker

    I'd tried online dating before without much luck, but this girl was somehow different. She had real potential, a vibrancy that seemed to leap off my Tinder screen. You could call her a swipe-right-with-your-fingers-crossed kind of girl. My phone lighted up with a ding a few hours later and sure...

  • He was my one-night stand. And I wish it had stayed that way

    He was my one-night stand. And I wish it had stayed that way

    I have absolutely no rules when it comes to when I sleep with someone I’m dating. I go with my feelings. I have always said to my friends, it doesn’t matter when you sleep with a man, you can wait four hours or four months, if he’s a jerk he’ll be one regardless. In my case, I barely waited four...

  • She 'ghosted' me. Twice

    She 'ghosted' me. Twice

    I feel like I’ve been dating since the dawn of time. I’ve had countless setups, am active on the apps and even had a stranger in the steam room try to introduce me to his daughter (yes this happened). So when I met someone in real life, or IRL as the millennials call it, I was shocked. It was a...

  • That time I ended up dating two best friends — in the same night

    That time I ended up dating two best friends — in the same night

    I normally Internet stalk my online dating connections pretty thoroughly. But life had gotten busy, and for a few days I was swiping right on Coffee Meets Bagel without my normal due diligence. I found myself casually texting with two guys. Both seemed nice, but I was having trouble keeping them...

  • I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?

    I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?

    After the dissolution of my 21-year relationship, I found myself in a unique situation. What would I, as a 55-year-old gay, Latino man living in the Valley, have to offer the dating world? I mean, I had always sensed that aging in youth-oriented Los Angeles, and having the ability to find love...

  • He told me he was crazy about me. And then he dumped me.

    He told me he was crazy about me. And then he dumped me.

    “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. “He’s not that cute, though. Did you think he was cute? It was pretty dim at that bar. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him my number. He’s like, 10 years older than me.” L. shrugged. “He thinks I’m funny. I don’t...

  • Please stop asking me if each new guy I date is ‘The One’

    Please stop asking me if each new guy I date is ‘The One’

    As a single woman in my mid-30s living in Los Angeles and casually dating (i.e., not trying very hard but open to meeting dudes), I feel a lot of pressure from other people in my life, as well as society at large, to find “The One.” You know, my soul mate, other half, best friend, partner-in-crime,...

  • We found out we had something unusual in common on our first date

    We found out we had something unusual in common on our first date

    At the foot of Big Bear Mountain, in a cozy, rented cabin after a long day of inner-tubing, window-shopping, feasting and soaking in a hot tub, a group of old friends gathered to share their “gratefuls.” One by one, we gave thanks. For the fun day on the slopes. For the delicious dinner everyone...

  • I tried to break it off nicely. But he held a grudge

    I tried to break it off nicely. But he held a grudge

    Writing sketch comedy, as I learned during my one and only class on sketch comedy writing last summer, relies on establishing the “game” of the scene. That is, a pattern of behavior that breaks from the everyday and from which the humor flows — often to the point of absurdity. If you think about...

  • I pursued her until she had a change of heart

    I pursued her until she had a change of heart

    So there I was, a guy in my early 30s, recently separated, having made the solo journey back to Los Angeles from Nashville. Broke and in debt from the experience, I had the war-torn heart of a man who dearly missed his 4-year-old daughter ... yet I was liberated from a failed relationship. My ex...

  • I fell in love on a singles bike ride — on Valentine's Day!

    I fell in love on a singles bike ride — on Valentine's Day!

    I was very happy in my work as an RN seeing patients at their homes in and around Los Angeles. And I had more than enough wonderful friends and family too. But I wanted to “make” my own family. I tried a dating service (paid for by my dad), but after my share of mortifying dates, I quit. I enthusiastically...

  • No luck on Tinder? Here's what to expect from some of the other dating apps

    No luck on Tinder? Here's what to expect from some of the other dating apps

    If you’re a millennial dating in 2017, chances are you or someone you know is on some kind of app.  And although dating online can sometimes feel like a “Groundhog Day” loop of bad match after bad match, diversifying your watering hole online — as in life — has the power to dramatically change...

  • How everyone found out I was secretly dating my co-worker

    How everyone found out I was secretly dating my co-worker

    They tell you not to do so, and for good reason. He told me he fell for me the second I walked out of the dressing room in that Norma Kamali dress. No, I wasn’t a client. I was a co-worker. I was just trying on the dress to see if it was worth it with my newly acquired employee discount. This was...

  • How I figured out I was dating a drug dealer

    How I figured out I was dating a drug dealer

    There's a picture of me from that night — with a giant panda head on. I should have known then what I was in for, but that's half the fun — or torture — of growing up, isn’t it? The not knowing what we know now; the hindsight is 20/20 and all that. I met him at Finn McCool’s on Main Street in Santa...

  • The 8 lessons I've learned about being single in L.A.

    The 8 lessons I've learned about being single in L.A.

    I’ve been living on Single Girl Lane for eight years. That’s the exit right off the I’m Good on My Own Highway. In these eight years I have grown tremendously and learned a few lessons about myself, love and the opposite sex. So, without further ado … let’s get to this list. Eight Years Single,...

  • I got caught on AshleyMadison.com

    I got caught on AshleyMadison.com

    My marriage was going on 19 years. When you think about it, that’s nearly three “seven-year itches” without a single craving for anyone other than my wife. Then, shortly after turning 56, I got a bad case of hives. Call it a midlife crisis, poor judgment or a cheater’s heart. Whatever it was, I...

  • He seemed so eager, so fun. And then I found out his ex was sooooooo...

    He seemed so eager, so fun. And then I found out his ex was sooooooo...

    I met him on Tinder. Newly single and not ready for another relationship, I was just looking for a friend —  someone to talk to, go to dinner with, you know, before I left on a month-long trip abroad, where I’d planned to clear my mind sans boys and dating drama.  He was a charmer; also, Colombian...

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