L.A. Affairs

L.A. AFFAIRS - Romance, Dating & Relationships

He was my one-night stand. And I wish it had stayed that way

I have absolutely no rules when it comes to when I sleep with someone I’m dating. I go with my feelings. I have always said to my friends, it doesn’t matter when you sleep with a man, you can wait four hours or four months, if he’s a jerk he’ll be one regardless. In my case, I barely waited four...

  • She 'ghosted' me. Twice

    She 'ghosted' me. Twice

    I feel like I’ve been dating since the dawn of time. I’ve had countless setups, am active on the apps and even had a stranger in the steam room try to introduce me to his daughter (yes this happened). So when I met someone in real life, or IRL as the millennials call it, I was shocked. It was a...

  • That time I ended up dating two best friends — in the same night

    That time I ended up dating two best friends — in the same night

    I normally Internet stalk my online dating connections pretty thoroughly. But life had gotten busy, and for a few days I was swiping right on Coffee Meets Bagel without my normal due diligence. I found myself casually texting with two guys. Both seemed nice, but I was having trouble keeping them...

  • I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?

    I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?

    After the dissolution of my 21-year relationship, I found myself in a unique situation. What would I, as a 55-year-old gay, Latino man living in the Valley, have to offer the dating world? I mean, I had always sensed that aging in youth-oriented Los Angeles, and having the ability to find love...

  • He told me he was crazy about me. And then he dumped me.

    He told me he was crazy about me. And then he dumped me.

    “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. “He’s not that cute, though. Did you think he was cute? It was pretty dim at that bar. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him my number. He’s like, 10 years older than me.” L. shrugged. “He thinks I’m funny. I don’t...

  • Please stop asking me if each new guy I date is ‘The One’

    Please stop asking me if each new guy I date is ‘The One’

    As a single woman in my mid-30s living in Los Angeles and casually dating (i.e., not trying very hard but open to meeting dudes), I feel a lot of pressure from other people in my life, as well as society at large, to find “The One.” You know, my soul mate, other half, best friend, partner-in-crime,...

  • We found out we had something unusual in common on our first date

    We found out we had something unusual in common on our first date

    At the foot of Big Bear Mountain, in a cozy, rented cabin after a long day of inner-tubing, window-shopping, feasting and soaking in a hot tub, a group of old friends gathered to share their “gratefuls.” One by one, we gave thanks. For the fun day on the slopes. For the delicious dinner everyone...

  • I tried to break it off nicely. But he held a grudge

    I tried to break it off nicely. But he held a grudge

    Writing sketch comedy, as I learned during my one and only class on sketch comedy writing last summer, relies on establishing the “game” of the scene. That is, a pattern of behavior that breaks from the everyday and from which the humor flows — often to the point of absurdity. If you think about...

  • I pursued her until she had a change of heart

    I pursued her until she had a change of heart

    So there I was, a guy in my early 30s, recently separated, having made the solo journey back to Los Angeles from Nashville. Broke and in debt from the experience, I had the war-torn heart of a man who dearly missed his 4-year-old daughter ... yet I was liberated from a failed relationship. My ex...

  • I fell in love on a singles bike ride — on Valentine's Day!

    I fell in love on a singles bike ride — on Valentine's Day!

    I was very happy in my work as an RN seeing patients at their homes in and around Los Angeles. And I had more than enough wonderful friends and family too. But I wanted to “make” my own family. I tried a dating service (paid for by my dad), but after my share of mortifying dates, I quit. I enthusiastically...

  • No luck on Tinder? Here's what to expect from some of the other dating apps

    No luck on Tinder? Here's what to expect from some of the other dating apps

    If you’re a millennial dating in 2017, chances are you or someone you know is on some kind of app.  And although dating online can sometimes feel like a “Groundhog Day” loop of bad match after bad match, diversifying your watering hole online — as in life — has the power to dramatically change...

  • How everyone found out I was secretly dating my co-worker

    How everyone found out I was secretly dating my co-worker

    They tell you not to do so, and for good reason. He told me he fell for me the second I walked out of the dressing room in that Norma Kamali dress. No, I wasn’t a client. I was a co-worker. I was just trying on the dress to see if it was worth it with my newly acquired employee discount. This was...

  • How I figured out I was dating a drug dealer

    How I figured out I was dating a drug dealer

    There's a picture of me from that night — with a giant panda head on. I should have known then what I was in for, but that's half the fun — or torture — of growing up, isn’t it? The not knowing what we know now; the hindsight is 20/20 and all that. I met him at Finn McCool’s on Main Street in Santa...

  • The 8 lessons I've learned about being single in L.A.

    The 8 lessons I've learned about being single in L.A.

    I’ve been living on Single Girl Lane for eight years. That’s the exit right off the I’m Good on My Own Highway. In these eight years I have grown tremendously and learned a few lessons about myself, love and the opposite sex. So, without further ado … let’s get to this list. Eight Years Single,...

  • I got caught on AshleyMadison.com

    I got caught on AshleyMadison.com

    My marriage was going on 19 years. When you think about it, that’s nearly three “seven-year itches” without a single craving for anyone other than my wife. Then, shortly after turning 56, I got a bad case of hives. Call it a midlife crisis, poor judgment or a cheater’s heart. Whatever it was, I...

  • Dear John, there will be no second date. Here are 7 reasons why

    Dear John, there will be no second date. Here are 7 reasons why

    When we met on Halloween there was an immediate connection. I felt chemistry on multiple levels: physical, mental, emotional. You talked about profound things, like spirituality and author Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” My friends were impressed with your genuine interest in me and I...

  • Can you find your true love on a dating app? I did — and I'm marrying her Sunday

    Can you find your true love on a dating app? I did — and I'm marrying her Sunday

    I had tried every dating site and app out there with varying degrees of success, and I was totally over them. I was tired of the “first date” and even more tired of never going on a second date. Then a friend told me about yet another app — Bumble. This one sounded different: The girl has to message...

  • I tried to give my kidney to my boyfriend. He broke up with me anyway.

    I tried to give my kidney to my boyfriend. He broke up with me anyway.

    “For better, for worse … in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” We’ve watched our loved ones make that commitment to one another, the biggest promise we can make to another human in this life. But what if one person gets sick — very sick, the kind that won’t get better — 2½ months...

  • Why I've been dating the same girl for 26 years

    Why I've been dating the same girl for 26 years

    I don’t go on a lot of dates. It’s hard to make time in between work, kids activities, travel and other obligations, but when I want to go out I ask the same girl every time – and she says yes almost every time. It’s the same girl who I took on a first date to a surprise party on Dec. 15, 1989,...

  • I tracked down the love of my life — 40 years after my mother broke us up

    I tracked down the love of my life — 40 years after my mother broke us up

    My family moved to California from the Philippines in 1977 and made Los Angeles our home. I was 19. I studied nursing, met my husband and had two children. Then, after 22 years of marriage, the problems we had could no longer be ignored. We divorced. One night, long after that breakup, I dreamed of...

  • How I found love again after my 20-year marriage broke up

    How I found love again after my 20-year marriage broke up

    About four years ago, my marriage of 20 years broke up. Yes, a sad, tragic story, and I’m sure I am not the only one this has happened to. But there I was, a 43-year-old woman who woke up and thought “Now what?” I had no clue how to get out there again. At first my friends thought I was jumping...

  • I'm a senior citizen. Here's what happened when I tried online dating

    I'm a senior citizen. Here's what happened when I tried online dating

    Welcome to the adventures of computer dating for senior citizens. I own a floral business in a small office building and am somewhat isolated all day. I rarely meet eligible men.  So I signed on to a popular dating site and stated I wished to meet an educated, successful, cultured, giving, youthful...

  • I knew she was the one when we began arguing -- over the election

    I knew she was the one when we began arguing -- over the election

    To this day, my parents both say that during their three decades of marriage, their most heated argument was about politics. It took place during the 2000 presidential election recount, when they began vehemently disagreeing about whether Ralph Nader had cost Al Gore the election. Their nadir was...

  • She didn't have fangs, but I still thought she might be a vampire

    She didn't have fangs, but I still thought she might be a vampire

    She didn't have fangs, but I still thought she might be a vampire. It was the week before Halloween, and I'd come to my favorite Orange County coffeehouse to see the annual performance of the League of Vampiric Bards. A group of Goth-y performance artists consisting of three men and four women,...

  • I was dating a Grammy winner. And I felt like a failure

    I was dating a Grammy winner. And I felt like a failure

    We stumbled into his house around midnight, giddy from the cold-for-Los Angeles air. “Do you want a whiskey?” “Yes.” I heard him drop an ice cube in each glass and the short pour and then he paused in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, holding a glass in each hand. He looked at me...

  • This is how I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me

    This is how I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me

    We met in the fall through mutual friends. He lived in a high-rise off Figueroa in downtown Los Angeles. The views were spectacular. We both had great careers with Los Angeles County. We were both single. We were both independent. We were both somewhat guarded, but together I knew we could be so...

  • That time my Tinder date went from bad to 'how much worse could this get?'

    That time my Tinder date went from bad to 'how much worse could this get?'

    I have always been an optimist, almost to a fault. Being this optimistic in the dating world can put you in some regretful situations. You think, “How much worse could this possibly get?” This is a story of a young lady (me) getting an answer to that question. We met on Tinder, talked for a day...

  • Her heart was his. Then came a phantom phone call

    Her heart was his. Then came a phantom phone call

    “Russ, I have something to talk to you about," Lisa said, looking me in the eyes.   In the nearly two years we've been dating, I've learned this was the opening statement of serious talk time. Usually, serious talk time is a result of me screwing something up or causing Lisa grief.   My stomach...

  • Initially, she seemed a hot mess. And she was. Welcome to L.A. dating

    Initially, she seemed a hot mess. And she was. Welcome to L.A. dating

    It’s difficult to explain the downtown Santa Monica bar scene to an outsider for the joy and misery it has brought me over the years.  It is often the quintessential L.A. experience: $11 beers, ocean sunset views, upscale atmosphere, Ray-Bans, perfect hair and absurd cleavage.  Full of the most...

  • It was our first Tinder date and red flags were out. Why did I ignore them?

    It was our first Tinder date and red flags were out. Why did I ignore them?

    I have terrible luck with women. When I moved from New York to Los Angeles recently I hoped to turn that luck around in a city that is teeming with beautiful, intelligent, available women. I decided to give Tinder a try. After messages sent to aspiring models, actresses and comedians, agents’ assistants...

  • We'd only been dating for 11 days when I blurted out: 'Will you marry me?'

    We'd only been dating for 11 days when I blurted out: 'Will you marry me?'

    I was 20 years old when I went into the Army. At the time, I was dating a neighborhood girl from my hometown in Detroit.  When I got out two years later, we planned on getting married. After being discharged, we decided to postpone our wedding until I graduated from a trade school in Los Angeles...

  • Can one person have two soul mates? I hope so

    Can one person have two soul mates? I hope so

    I went to see my boyfriend, Luis, perform at the Whisky a Go Go in Hollywood recently. I drove over from the Valley with our friend Michael, who I’ve known since our daughters were in preschool together, plus a friend of his I had just met that night. As we parked the car and made our way down...

  • I don't know where my soul mate is. But I'm wishing her a happy birthday.

    I don't know where my soul mate is. But I'm wishing her a happy birthday.

    We fell into magic last year, and into love. It was my  birthday in a few days, and I could not have been more excited to gather friends and family for a party, so I could tell the world about finding the one in which the soul delights. And then I would play the kazoo, or try, and leave ’em laughing....

  • I had to ditch all the dating apps so I could find love

    I had to ditch all the dating apps so I could find love

    I was finally ready to get back into the dating game — something I hadn’t done in a while after a broken engagement. After expressing my newfound enthusiasm for wanting to “get out there” again, friends and family had the same advice: “Try online dating.” The concept seemed unnatural to me. Sitting...

  • You slept with him and he never called back? You got played, girl!

    You slept with him and he never called back? You got played, girl!

    If you’ve been a single girl in Los Angeles for a couple years, you know the “rules” of the dating scene. It’s a jungle out there, filled with animals and indecency. So when my friend Mara said to me over lunch, “He hasn’t texted in two days. Should I say something?” I already knew what had happened. ...

  • My nightmare Tinder date with a lingerie model

    My nightmare Tinder date with a lingerie model

    I began my dating app experience much later in life. (The foolish decision to buy a Windows phone set me back two years.) I was anxious to get started the moment I upgraded devices. The first and most obvious download was the infamous Tinder, renowned as a hook-up app but also responsible for significant...

  • I had to work up the nerve to ask, 'Do you want to be my girlfriend?'

    I had to work up the nerve to ask, 'Do you want to be my girlfriend?'

    When it came to girls, I was shy. It’s not that I feared that they would beat me up, like the bullies I evaded on the playground in East Los Angeles. I simply feared rejection. For some mysterious reason that I still don’t understand, I felt that if I got rejected, all my friends and complete strangers...

  • Here's my advice for anyone trying to find love in Los Angeles: Just give up

    Here's my advice for anyone trying to find love in Los Angeles: Just give up

    I had given up. I was 38 years old, renting a guest house in Beverly Hills, and had tried for most of my adult life to meet the right guy. The final straw was a phone call with a potential suitor who admitted that he was married and believed in polyamory. At that moment, I just gave up. The life...

  • I'm a serial dater. And I'm grateful to all the guys who never call me back

    I'm a serial dater. And I'm grateful to all the guys who never call me back

    These days, I go on about two or three dates a week. I can tell you every good bar in Los Angeles (my recommendations: Father’s Office near Culver City has surprisingly comfortable stools, and the Roger Room near West Hollywood is a fun speak-easy circa the 1920s). I’ve played pool, sipped tea,...

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