Hee-Haws and Yak-Yaks

The latest idea out of the Pentagon should get a good hee-haw from critics of the military’s expensive and sometimes-balky high-tech weapon systems. The Army is going to consider bringing back the mule.

Don’t laugh yet. The suggestion for a study of old-time mule power in the new Army was made in conjunction with the re-establishment of the famous 10th Mountain Division. The new 10th’s troops would equip themselves with ropes, pitons, ice axes and crampons. They would be trained to attack or defend critical high mountain passes and peaks in a conventional war. The mules, presumably, would plod faithfully up the alpine trails with the 10th’s excess baggage.

An Army memo said that the top brass already had asked the mountain battalion of the Vermont National Guard to consider establishing a mule-skinning outfit to test the idea. No way, responded Gen. Donald Edwards, the Vermont Guard’s commander. “Can you see me trying to recruit mule-skinners?” Since Vermont has few mules and fewer mule-skinners, Edwards suggested the Army try someplace like New Mexico.

We’re not sure that mules are such a good idea, anyway. They can be ornery creatures, with a nasty bite or kick. When you want them to go forward, they are just as likely to back up, or sit down. If possible, they will sit down on you. And they are noisy. Imagine trying to pull a sneak attack with a 20-mule team braying like banshees.

Mountain climbers who have visited Himalayan peaks could tell the Army about a good alternative--the yak. Yaks can function well up to as high as 20,000 feet. They have long, shaggy hair to protect themselves from the cold. On the whole, they are more likely to follow a sergeant’s orders. When the going gets tough, a steaming brew of yak-butter tea can be quite stimulating.

But if mule-skinners are in short supply, what are the chances that the Army can find yak-skinners? It will probably turn out that the only reliable beast of burden left in these fast-moving times is the old-fashioned helicopter.