Words, Phrases Aid You in the Mazes

Lawyers have a hard time with the English language. They don’t use it very often or very well. Their court appearances are replete with unfamiliar jargon and Latin doublespeak. As a result, even the most common legal terms are widely misunderstood.

Some lawyers probably like it that way.

At the risk of annoying them, here are a few legal terms--some obvious, some obscure--with my everyday easy-to-understand definition. If you still don’t understand, you’ll have to spend hours reading Black’s Law Dictionary.

Preliminary hearing . A judge decides whether the good guys have enough of the goods on the bad guys to call for a jury trial.

Trust . Something your attorney should earn. Also, a method of avoiding probate.

Laches . Don’t sit on your hands, because if you wait too long to complain, you lose.

Injunction. A judge orders you to stop doing something--like stop bothering a girlfriend or stop stealing a competitor’s logo--and if you don’t obey, you go to jail. Do not pass Go.

Deposition. A strange land where lawyers get to ask you questions about almost any subject imaginable; your lawyers can object, but then you still have to answer. Avoid them at all costs.

Statute of limitations . Ooops, you’re too late again.

Statute of frauds . Not a statute. And has nothing to do with fraud. It just means that your word is no good unless it’s in writing. Only applies to certain contracts, like those worth more than $500.

Clean hands. You should have them before you cook. And before you sue, because if you’ve been bad, the judge won’t let you complain about the other team.

Leading question. The kind Perry Mason gets to ask on cross-examination. They usually begin with: “Isn’t it true that . . . .”

Fees. This isn’t Latin. It’s what you have to pay before a lawyer will explain what he means.

Consideration. Something your attorney should give you more of. Actually, you need this to have a legal contract. It’s what you get or the other guy gives.

And finally, for the literary among you, I offer my final definition in rhyme. It’s for the legal concept known as res ipsa loquitur, which lawyers use when evidence proving fault is impossible to find.

“Res ipsa, res what?” the jury cried.

“It’s a legal doctrine,” the judge replied.

It allows you to infer that someone goofed,

And may also shift the burden of proof.

“The thing speaks for itself,” said Wynn .

Looking to where his limb had been.

“I went in to have my ulcers soothed,

And came out with my arm removed.”

“There’s been a terrible mistake,” said Miss Lake .

Her face still green from a bellyache.

“I expected peanuts as the chocolate bar’s crunch,

Instead, a worm intruded on my second munch.”

As for proof who could ask for more,

Res ipsa loquitur .

It’s Latin lawyers can’t ignore.