‘Snitch’: Black Comedy Keeps ‘Em Guessing

“Setting: Shakley’s crummy apartment in a crummy part of a crummy metropolitan city.” This is the first item of information we have on Jerzy K. Cybulski’s and W. Colin McKay’s “Snitch,” at the Fountain Theatre, and before the lights go down, we sense a piece of comedie noire coming our way.

The ingredients are all here: buffoonish hero, his ex-lover who’s having second thoughts, cops worse than the crooks and a plot that exists to put the screws to everyone. There’s more than one point in “Snitch” when the question of who will live and who will die is truly up for grabs.

That is good plotting, and Cybulski and McKay pay enough attention to details that when they don’t, it’s very glaring. The pickle Shakley (Artur Cybulski) finds himself in--volunteering to be the middleman in a lucrative but extremely nasty fencing scheme--derives from a single remark made early on by his former flame, Cindy (Rhonda Lee Dorton): “You’re a sucker for a hard-luck case.” If ever a line of dialogue came back to haunt a character, this is it.

The plot points, those all-crucial pivots in the story, are not always as finely handled as the through-lines. For example, the unlikely fusion of circumstances that lets Shakley contend with two bad dudes (James Funghini and Evan James, smarmily good) is pure contrived convenience.

There also must be a punchier, noir -like way of ending Shakley’s apartment adventure. But in the meantime, director Steven Stafford has injected some punch of his own, with a cast true to the genre and action that doesn’t feel contained by the Fountain’s small stage. Playwright Cybulski has doubled very nicely as set and lighting designer, and the sax-accented music by Mark Watters and Barend Ross announces that there’s danger ahead without being melodramatic.

At 5060 Fountain Ave., Thursdays through Saturdays, 8 p.m., indefinitely ; $14 (213) 466-4378.

Tired Family Spats in ‘Old Friends’ Comedy

Mama mia, who let the play out of the oven?

Martin Zurla’s Italian-American family comedy, “Old Friends,” at the Callboard Theatre, has a lot of hopes riding on it. Lee Ranch’s double apartment set looks expensive. Co-producer Dan Lauria has been quoted in The Times as anticipating a TV or film sale from one or more of the four plays he and his partners are planning this year. “Old Friends” is the first, and if it’s any indication of what’s to come, Lauria and company may be in for a long year.

Judged by sitcom standards alone--and Zurla’s writing thoroughly suggests sitcom aspirations--”Old Friends” has a sorry silence-to-laugh ratio. Sunday’s audience, certainly, wasn’t laughing. If they’re not laughing, what else is there?

Tired Italian family spats, that’s what. Mario, a stubborn-headed widower with his mind still in Old Italy (Sam Locante), cooks up a rather frail scheme to match his son, Anthony (Keith Mackechnie), with Eva, the girl next door (Begonia Plaza). Anthony has a date waiting, Mario’s old friend Frank (Frank Nastasi) thinks he’s crazy and Eva doesn’t exactly love Anthony in the first place.

You keep expecting a plot wrinkle, an unexpected move, something to relieve the continuous flow of Italian cliches, all turgidly directed by Richard Zavaglia. But to no avail. There is Begonia Plaza’s come-hither presence--if only she had a character to invest it with. The men sound and look worn, lending a leaden quality to such light material.

Moral: Make sure you have a play before you think of TV.

At 8451 Melrose Place, Thursdays through Sundays, 8 p.m., indefinitely ; $15 (213) 466-1767.

Gibberish Takes Flight in ‘Dark 3 Bill Duck’

Listening to writer-director Craig Swanson’s one-act triplet at the Flight Theatre, “Dark 3 Bill Duck,” is like sitting in a room with people speaking in Esperanto, the now-dead attempt at a universal language. You can make out a few of the words and indicators, but the people talking are having a lot more fun than the people listening.

In its combination of portentous lighting, ominous movements and pure gibberish, “Brief,” the first piece, perfectly sums up the hour-long show. The murky situation has one guy trying to calm down another while they review a tape recorded “profile” of an actress (Swanson and James Schultz are the pair). This is a playwright’s doodling, but it is brief.

“Bar” is not, and it, too, is doodling. Schultz plays a barkeep with a heavy metal-style hairdo trying to contend with an obnoxious customer (Swanson). The language uneasily mixes silly barbed insults with pseudo-Joycean monologues, but in the roughly 15 mini-scenes divided by blackouts, the tussling seems to go on forever. For no reason. Swanson and Schultz sorely lack the comedic sense to inject this with engagingly crazed dimensions, as opposed to mere craziness. The excuse that this is human relations seen through an alcoholic stupor doesn’t even work: The customer drinks only 7-Up.

At least “The 3 Mazurkas” is wordless. That doesn’t mean it makes any more sense than the previous pieces. Swanson’s and Schultz’s brothers seem to be dancers, on the prowl for women. But we’re just guessing, as the work ends with Swanson climbing up a platform toward Schultz, who’s holding a birthday cake. Read any Esperanto lately?

At 6472 Santa Monica Blvd., on Fridays and Saturdays, 11 p.m., through March 24 ; $8 (213) 464-2124.

‘Somos Humanos’ AIDS Play by Teatro Viva!

It is not too harsh to describe Oscar Reconco’s Latino AIDS drama, “Somos Humanos,” as a soap-opera interrupted by drag routines. In the drive to bring to the public a cautionary tale of how AIDS does not discriminate among ethnic peoples, Reconco, director Jesica Korbman and their Teatro Viva! group have neglected the rudiments of good theater.

The one and only interesting element here is how the dialogue switches between Spanish and English, depending on the characters involved. So when Carlos (Reconco) bids his mother farewell for L.A. (Betty Flores), they talk in the mother tongue. In Bertha’s Cantina, which stages nightly drag shows, or at the place Carlos shares with his lover, Alejandro (James Miller), English is mostly spoken.

Not spoken well, however, or very audibly. For all the eventual distress when AIDS strikes home, the actors can’t muster an ounce of emotional conviction. On the other hand, the drag performers haven’t a clue how to lip-sync to such would-be show-stoppers as “Cabaret” and “(Hey) Big Spender.”

Teatro Viva! should get its act together, particularly if it’s going to tackle a subject that is rarely acknowledged in the Latino community. Then, it’ll be justified charging admission.

At United Methodist Church, 1296 N. Fairfax Ave., on Fridays and Saturdays, 8 p.m., through March 30 ; $12.50 (714) 829-1974.